...through, lost, confused, poor, and bored...
The last 80 years of my life have pretty much sucked sweaty donkey balls!
I really need to get my drunk on this New Years!
Been invited to a few parties, but I dunno, I see myself getting drunk by myself and thinking about how I can get my life going the way it needs to be this new year.
I just need to be alone to think and drink.
...a list of things I want to do in 2009 that I made on my flight back from LA.
It's really the same list I've made since I was a kid, but most of the things I've never even got close to getting done, like being an Astronaut and living on Mars.
Or learn to levitate!
There were some other things on there that were also probably impossible to do. But it's a list I'm sticking with in 2009!
...for something, because coming back and seeing what mess my apartment was left in has made me want to get rid of almost everything!
I hardly have anything, but it's still too much for me!
Can't have a Yard Sale here, maybe eBay? Nah, too much work!
I dunno what to do!
I feel antsy, I think I'm coming down with something I might have picked up on the plane. I don't want to get sick!
...not a good month for planes in Denver, but luckily it turned out okay with hardly anyone on the plane back to Missouri.
The Flight Attendant was sassy and picked on me for various things, then suggested I move to a seat by the Exit Row for more space as long as I help her in case of Emergency... I didn't want to hear that!
Being that the plane was late, I only had a short about of time to get back home, shower and head in to work. Awful! I was too tired and a ton of work was ahead of me.
After work I drove home not really knowing how I made it for I surely had slept my way there. My bed missed me and welcomed me!
I dreamed of LA and UFOs.
...in "Valkyrie" in Century City and I thought it was a wonderful movie that I found myself choked up watching.
It's weird, like "Titanic" weird in the sense that I know how it's gonna end and as it gets closer I feel such dread. Cool stuff! Not a perfect film, but perfect for me at the moment.
Had Mojitoes and Thai food and walked around the Container Store.
Great Day!
But I know the end is getting closer...
...I almost couldn't walk. Tracy played a game of "What songs am I playing now on the JukeBox?" I had to guess which songs she picked that were playing.
"You Got the Touch" by Dirk Diggler was one and the fact that they had that song in the machine proves the Frolic Room ROCKS!
I can't remember the others, because I was so drunk, but I remember the place was filled with people on Xmas, kinda lonely, maybe a tad sad, family outa town, needing a drink and maybe meet a new friend... This sweet Asian couple sang along to songs Tracy played and two other girls kissed as they danced.
I posed for pictures on Vine and nearly stepped in vomit that wasn't mine.
...today and it was wonderful getting hugs I so very much missed.
They haven't aged at all, but I was still tired. I was drained because I had worked so hard to get here. Now that I'm here and with them watching the film in the coolest theater in the States, I found myself dosing off in parts of the movie.
I think it's a good movie, I was just tired and wanted to crawl into the city and sleep.
Hanging with some friends in a cozy booth at Steak N' Shake talking about Mormons while 30 Mile an Hour, 5 Degree Windchilled air whipped around outside in the early AM and Two very pretty Cops sat in the booth next to us speaking in murmured tones, a chair across from them suddenly moved on its own.
I noticed it.
The Cops noticed it.
And my friends who work there gave each other knowing glances.
"Stuff like that happens here all the time. Boxes move. Things move."
Ghosts?
"Something like that."
The Two Cops looked at us with nervous smiles. Missouri is a Paranormal State!
At my place I fumbled with the thermostat until I was sure I'd be warm. When it comes to adjusting it, I have some sort of Dyslexia, Left is Right, just like when I try to get the right temperature in the shower. Always the wrong way first.
My place was dark. I was in the bathroom getting ready for bed. My face in my hands as I let out a big yawn and when I looked up, through the bathroom doorway, through the doorway to the dark living room, standing next to the far wall was a slender woman looking to her right.
Oh SHIT!!! There's someone in here!
She didn't seem to see me as I too was in the dark. I was so scared! It was good that all this time I was sitting on the toilet, cause if I saw her while standing, I would have crapped my pants.
She just stood there. Wavering back and forth slightly. Looking off to her right out beyond the window.
"Who are you?" I yelled knowing my neighbors would hear this at 4am.
"Hello!"
She didn't respond. I squinted and pulled up my pants and pulled the door closed a bit and peered out the narrow slit. I saw her face turn to me and distort in a sickening way. I heard a weird whimpering sound, then I realized it was me making the noise. I was really scared!
Then something happened. Maybe my eyes adjusted to it all. It became suddenly clear that the ghost woman was simply an amazing trick of light coming in from a streetlight filtered through a bush outside moving in the wind and through a space in the curtains that were being moved by air from the central heating.
It wasn't all imagination. Even if I had a camera handy and took a picture of it, you would swear it was a woman standing there! It was that good!
That was pretty cool!
But now I can't sleep...
...David Lynch "Lime Green Set" DVD Boxset.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8EePP_uqEk
So I just got the DVD, "Christmas On Mars" by The Flaming Lips from a very sweet friend.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8-5wiJ64bo
Now I just need, "Icons of Horror Collection: Hammer Films"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YyFZiWOSGs
...and, Lech Majewski's "The Garden of Earthly Delights"
http://www.kino.com/video/item.php?film_id=931
...oh, and "Planet of the Apes: 40-Year Evolution"
http://www.slashfilm.com/2008/08/04/cool-stuff-planet-of-the-apes-40-year-evolution-blu-ray-set
...or maybe, "Murnau, Borzage and Fox," could make me complete.
http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/news/movies/la-ca-secondlook7-2008dec07,0,2069773.story
But I'm not greedy. Sometimes a nice email, a card, a smile, a flower, a pat on the back, a kiss, or a BJ can go a long way in letting me know you care about me during the Holiday Season.
They all looked so good in their uniforms, had cool looking weapons, had hot looking women... I remember the first time I saw Star Wars, I thought, Gee, I think I'd like to be a part of the Empire cause they get to dress nice and had Heat and A/C when needed. The Rebels all got their clothes from Jawa yard sales.
Republicans all seem to dress nice, except for the ones I know. Christian leaders, too. Mormons are the best dressers, next to Scientologists.
It's weird, but I've somehow grown to be distrustful of guys in suits. Unless it's a Tom Ford. Maybe it's all those times I was turned down for a loan.
Anyway.
There sure are a lot of Nazi movies coming out! Xmas Time means Nazi release date success! It has something to do with the Pagan connection I believe and Astrology, too.
"Valkyrie" is coming out and I can't wait!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lipAzi5Ddz8
"Dead Snow"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-KQh87_V2Q
...and "The Reader"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZrYSuZhzt_o
Tom Cruise was just on The Hour and it may be one of the best interviews I've seen with him.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9ZHe4QJm2g
...I said screw this and got in the car, started it up and put the heat on full blast, went back inside, did some more work, watched a little tee vee, went to the bathroom, read some email, wrote a bit, looked at a few websites and then realized my car had been running for about an hour and a half!
The ice was melted off!
It was so hot in my car my eyes dried up and I had to roll the windows down.
The roads were slick and that makes driving all the more fun!
Yay!
John Nicholas Cassavetes's was born today in 1929, and I bet a day doesn't go by that I don't somehow think of him.
If I was able to drink wine today, I would toast you!
If I was able to eat, It'd be spaghetti!
Dang, that sounds good! And garlic bread...
I could go on and on about him and post more clips of his work, but I'll let Fugazi set the stage.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pavc6BMChPw
Oh and this is just great stuff from the documentary "Cineaste de Notre Temps"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcgWO-hxZls
Here's part of "John Cassavetes: To Risk Everything To Express It All"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlSh8SXR2tI
He was just one of the coolest guys to ever live, we are better because he was here and less somehow now that he's gone.
Again, not doing it for the weight loss, just a happy side effect!
My vitamin intake is causing my nails and hair to grow rapidly, but the best part is the fantastic smell of my urine that is worth the experience! I wish you were here to enjoy it with me! It's so bright, the color so vivid, it's like Walt Disney was pissing in my can! Oh, and the aroma is very much like this old citrus Glade spray my mom use to use. I get all misty and nostalgic now when I pee.
Was just watching this video about Steven Spielberg talking about the making of A.I and the friendship he had with Stanley Kubrick.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6xzQ8ExzDA
Good stuff!
Day 7 of the Fast and feeling really good! This seriously has been the easiest time I've ever had going without food!
Last night with some friends who were hungry after dancing the night away watching a live band, we stopped off at the Waffle House where I got to watch them slurp up breakfast. I wasn't even disturbed by the smell, the eggs, the sausage, bacon, the hash browns... I wasn't hit by hunger pangs at all.
Great!
Now that I'm getting slim and all hot and everything, I need to start focusing on my career, cause the New Year is on the way and Daddy needs to get some more money coming in.
Should I head back to LA?
Should I head back overseas?
Should I head back to NYC?
Should I stay here were it's cheap and figure out how to bring money to me?
I'd hate to make the wrong choice, sometimes I feel my life is just a series of wrong choices.
Where and How can I get more money to flow to me?
The David Lynch Lime Green Set DVDs have been a real eye opener. Also I was watching Ovation TV and saw a profile on Abstract and Pop Artist Robert Rauschenberg and while he was talking, I couldn't help identify with everything he was saying. I just knew if I was hanging out with him we'd hit it off. Well, if he hadn't just died...
"Screwing things up is a virtue. Being correct is never the point. Being right can stop all the momentum of a very interesting idea.” -Robert Rauschenberg
I'm ready for my life to start being Interesting!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8EePP_uqEk
I hope you enjoy it as much as I do! However, I doubt it.
Feeling really good, other than my index finger (see Yesterday's post) and have a lot of energy mentally. Seems I have been on a fairly even keel emotionally. Haven't burst out into tears so far. Toxins are packing up and moving out of my body already!
Not that I'm doing the Fast to lose weight, (I always have to stress this with people I don't know) but I've lost around two pounds a day, so as of this mornings weigh-in, I've lost 11 Pounds in 5 Days!!!
Bought tape, wrapping paper, xmas cards, now just need to get some gifts. I might just be giving wrapping paper as a gift. Some folks I know, they have got their gifts coming as I've already got them something, others not so much, some even may get a lump of coal.
Should have started this Fast last month, with all the money I'm saving by not eating out, I could get some nice gifts, but due to the Vow of Poverty I found myself forced to take, my Santa has gone and laid off most of his elves.
There are a lot of cameras in my possession, some that I'd like to sell off, but if there was one cool camera that Santa could bring me it would be the Red camera!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhG8llbC4lU
Steven Soderberg talks about his camera of choice, the digital RED
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=v3Uj-MMbj44
Peter Jackson's "Crossing the Line" shot on the Red
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wICiOeA2kM8
This isn't about the Red but for it's time these guy's were the cutting edge! If you've always want to see, "Filmmaker: A Diary by George Lucas" here is Part 1 of 4 it's really good.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2qqIzwjiIQ
Watch them all while I'm out shopping for cheap xmas gifts!
This is her director's cut of the ad for Christian Dior's Miss Cherie fragrance. The music is Moi Je Joue by Brigitte Bardot which I just so happen to have on a mix CD a friend made for me recently.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iErZXSPOy1U
Dang this looks good on Day 4 of my Fast!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zv8yEMRDe_w
That actually looks good, I would eat that in a heartbeat then have a heart attack. I like how Paula licked her fingers then touched the burger to give to the other lady. Gross!
I'm pretty sure this Supermodel said she was Circumcised as well as having to deal with her battle with bulimia.
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ryQpBEsH4uE
Michael Caine is really one of my Top 5 favorite Actors and I so glad I can finally see this and add it to my Acting Youtube Playlist!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHIlbZkTyzE
I don't think it's due to my Fast, but my Index Finger on my Right hand began swelling up to a frightening proportion last night, cracking the skin and making it unbendable. I tried to go to the Emergency Room only to find them closed. What? Did I go to the right place? With my aching and throbbing finger and my hands on the freezing steering wheel, it looked like I was flipping everyone off as I drove.
My body is a mess right now! I need to get a Doctor! I just know if I get on medication or antibiotics, my Fast is shot!
And I hate getting Shots, too!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IuGtwyS70aI
...Anna Karina in the New Guns N' Roses video for, This I Love from Chinese Democracy:
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ippByzHNiGg
And his best interview EVER!
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=zjK9Cyyh9DM
Awesome!
I haven't seen a single one of these films:
http://www.mrskin.com/Mr-Skin-Blog-Archive/Nude-Celeb-Lists/11621/Mr-Skins-Top-20-Celebrity-Nude-Scenes-of-2008-20081128
Guess I'm missing a lot of good things!
Here's the new song I can't get out of my head now, Jay-Z featuring Santogold which will be featured in soundtrack for new film, "Notorious" The word "Brooklyn" never gets old.
http://www.ilike.com/artist/Jay-Z/videos/254047002
Great!
Here's Supermodel Petra Nemcova talking about her battle with bulimia and I believe being circumcised. Perfect to look at this and the Holy Book of Bacon on day 3 of my Fast:
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ryQpBEsH4uE
Day 2 of my New Month Long Fast!
Brilliant! Just when everyone is inviting me over for free Holiday Food! Just Brilliant!
My friend Steve and I share one fine obsession, and that's the Original "Planet of the Apes" so he sent me this:
Here Comes That "Planet Of The Apes Prequel" You Never Asked For:
http://www.hecklerspray.com/here-comes-that-planet-of-the-apes-prequel-you-never-asked-for/200817509.php
Another friend, Derek who worked on Tim Buton's "reimagining" emailed me a while back about this idea:
"I had heard rumors before that the prequel was about a research team in the North Pole that uncover a city of missing links that split off from man back in the day before the Ice Age and polar shift.
Because of Global Warming the city is uncovered and some ape scientists a long time ago put themselves in suspended animation to survive their own weather troubles.
Getting thawed out they escape the Military controlled research facility and are hunted down like animals. They race to the south pole where is another hidden ape city.
Billy Bob Thorton was said to be the good guy researcher on the run with the apes, Eva Mendez is an Ape scientist and Jean Reno was a bad scientist, anyway the Government fears all the knowledge of the past will upset everything and they try to silence Thorton and somehow it ends with the message about being doomed to repeat history and our own Global Winter begins with a flash Global Ice Storm and the apes freeze Thorton with them in the Hidden Ape City on the South Pole and he wakes up in a future run by apes.
But Thorton said in some interview that Marc Forster was to direct but dropped out for James Bond and he doesn't think he'll act in it."
Oh and he also told me Cornelius was to be played by either Jude Law, or Ralph Feinnes. Why? Just because they have an accent?
"Bad all over with this idea. Shoot me now so I don't have to witness the horror!" said Steve.
Now if they change that idea and make it Cats instead of Apes, they got a Winner!
Come on, you know you want to see your pussy like that!
...Food and watching some great documentaries about him and then watch some of his work.
"Woody Allen - A Life In Film" (Part 1 of 9)
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=dNhy0JE3J90
There's a woman I know who is unavailable even in emergencies when Nancy Grace is on TV. If she was on Fire, she'd wait until Nancy Grace was over before burning. This is for her:
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=jWPY7b35vF4
Drove around in the misty and snowing morning at around 3am. It was so beautiful!
It's cold out there, so if you have any old or extra blankets, you can do what I love to do, put them in your car and if you see someone living on the streets you can make their day by offering them some warmth.
And if you get gifts of soap, lotions, socks, Beef Jerky... that you don't know what to do with and you're gonna regift, or throw away anyway, wrap them up in the blankets and give them out as a care package.
Who knows, maybe you'll be stranded in the snow and you'll just happen to have the blankets already in the car for your own emergency!
See, it's Win/Win.
