Laying on the floor waiting for my back to stop it's painful throbbing my place looks so much bigger from down here!

If I had a Digital Video Projector, I'd show movies on my ceiling. I'm glad now this place came with 1970's style shag carpeting because it's very comfortable.

It has been pointed out to me that carrying moving boxes around and unloading things at the Goodwill may have taken it's toll on my back. You try and do something good for people and look what you get. Pain. My Nurse said it could be that I'm not drinking enough water, but I believe I could be drinking too much water. I drink A LOT of water!

And there's plenty of water in booze!

Down in the dumps and with back pain I thought a drink at my favorite local Lesbian Sports Bar would help, but the place was packed and there was no parking spots available. I drove around waiting for someone to leave but the Lesbians inside were having too much fun to leave.

Sadly I drove off and decided to go to Borders and read magazines for free.

Parking was plentiful as people have chosen not to read anymore. Walking from my car I was thinking about how a conversation with my older brother went earlier where I was talking about the poor success rates of prophets and how someone like H.G. Wells single handily created the ideas of "The First Men in the Moon," "The Time Machine," "The War of the Worlds" and my brother said, "You mean, Orson Welles?"

"Well, he did the radio play of 'War of the Worlds,'" I said.

"Right, H.G. Wells did '1984'"

"No, that was George Orwell."

"I thought he did 'Brave New World?'"

"That was Aldous Huxley."

"Who did 'The Demolished Man!'"

"No. That was Alfred Bester."

"But Wells did, "The Invisible Man?'"

"Unless it's the one by Ralph Ellison?"

"Who did, 'A Boy and His Dog.'"

"No, that was Harlan Ellison!"

This "Who's on First" went on and on like that until it stopped somewhere in the works of Jules Verne, not to be confused with Verne Troyer.

Inside Borders I read an article in the magazine Penny Blood about Orson Welles and Gary Graver, a cameraman that worked on many Orson Welles' projects and who I had the great pleasure of meeting before he died.

Then thinking about the situation I find myself living in, and as I often do wondered, "What would Orson Welles do?"

I began thinking back to his film "F for Fake" when he talks about living under a horse drawn cart because he had no money, it had run out on a trip in Ireland, so facing starvation he went to a Theatre and lied to them that he was a Famous American Actor. They believed him and he flourished. So as he says, "I started at the Top and have been working my way down ever since."

Fake it till you Believe it! Even the word Believe has the word Lie in it.

If you've never seen the film "F for Fake" you should see it! I just found it on YouTube, see it before it's removed, it's great!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9zZNFzrvAA

If you've seen "The Hoax" with Richard Gere playing Clifford Irving, you'll dig seeing all the player for real in "F for Fake" and it explains how the Hughes hoax came about.

So with all this and questions of "What Should I Do with My LIFE" churning in my head, I step over to the bargain bin and what do I see, but a clear Sign from Heaven, an affirmation to trust my feelings, a guttural shout from the core of the Earth, a Finger of God pointing me to a path...

I find Simon Callow's "Hello Americans" for the bargain price of $3.99!

Sold!

Just not quite sure what The Universe is trying to tell me, but I'm still listening!

Jerry is nobody. NOBODY is perfect. Therefore Jerry is perfect!

I'm having so much fun!

My oldest brother told me a great story about what happened to him in the ice storm, he was in his truck and it was covered in ice and snow so he drove over to the car-wash and used the sprayer to wash off all the ice and snow and then drove off all proud of his idea, but then in the below freezing temperatures he found when he got to his destination he was frozen in his truck unable to get any of the doors open. He was trapped until someone saw him later trying to bust out and they chipped the ice away from the door. Nightmare!

I got out in the snow last night shooting video and doing donuts and even ate Thai Food! Made friends with some girls that were out walking because they had no power in their house and they had become stir crazy. I got wrangled into their world.

We had a snow ball fight. We built a snowman. We wrote in the snow with pee pee, but it wasn't my handwriting!

It was so much fun!

My eyes were still a little dilated, so my night vision was awesome! After all the tests at the Eye Doctor it was discovered that I have such perfect x-ray like vision I can tell what color panties you are wearing!

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I dunno, today's been a weird one.

While zipping up my pants, I inadvertently pulled a muscle in my back throwing it completely out.

I must be getting old even though all pertinent data suggests the opposite.

The pain has been so intense that if I had the junk, the tools and a "how-to" manual I would shoot heroin straight into my veins for some kind of relief.

The wonderful people of Rowan, North Carolina have named a road after me, you might have seen this on the News already, but the fact that 70,000 people lost their jobs yesterday, or that John Updike died, or that Paul McCartney has a new girlfriend, you might have missed it being reported to much fanfare.

BIG ICE STORM!!! It's still coming down on us here! Power has gone out in a few places, but so far okay here. Cars and trucks crashing and sliding off roads and bridges.

I, being the brave sturdy sort got out in it and spent an hour just scrapping ice off my car windows. Ice everywhere! I like Ice, and I like salt on the rim, too! It never gets me down, I believe when the weather brings you Ice, have Ice Capades! And in my Honda that's what it was like on the streets.

Thanks to a neighbor he got a nice photo of me looking at all the icicles that formed around my place.


As you may know, I've been suffering from a rash that comes and goes. I believed it might be a reaction to Cedar, but I finally got a guy not unlike Gregory House, M.D., my new Doctor, Dr. Leg has NO bedside manner at all. No humor at all.

He gave me some stuff I've never used before. He found a few spots on me I didn't know was affected by the rash. He says it's a fungus... Ewww.

But this stuff I'm taking will get rid of it he says.

I guess it's like the Flesh-Eating Virus, but a Fungus. I knew I shouldn't have eaten those wild mushrooms. Now I know I'm a Fungi to be around! I just need to be sauteed.

It's so horribly cold here!

Tomorrow the eye doctor if they'll brave the weather.

I get knocked down, I get up again, and I get even more famous!

The "oh so" cool David Hudson over at The Daily at IFC gave me a nice mention for pointing out the always fascinating Alejandro Jodorowsky's first film, "La Cravate," adapted from Thomas Mann's "The Transposed Heads: A Legend of India in Paris" and it's availability online.

http://www.ifc.com/film/thedaily/2009/01/shorts-123.php

Then the always groovy Curt Purcell at The Groovy Age of Horror made a wonderful comment on my talents!

http://groovyageofhorror.blogspot.com/2009/01/stranded-on-learning-curve.html

It's so nice when something kinda bad happens to you and someone comes around to say something to lift your spirits. It's even better when nice things are said when nothing bad has happened at all.

We're about to have a really bad ice storm here, so I just got back from getting survival supplies. Everyone is running around crazy and the stores are jammed.

I was at the hospital earlier for a 10AM appointment and didn't get to see the Doctor until 12:30PM. Things are moving slow today because of the cold.

Time is moving like cold molasses here.

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If i gave you a nickel would you tickle my pickle?

My phone died, so it's recharging. Just like me!

I guess after getting it wet the battery just doesn't want to hold a charge. After getting shit-face drunk, I can't hold a charge either!

I got the Poops Real Bad today! Holy Mack-er-al! I got to stop drinking! I need to eat some pancakes or something to soak up the acid and booze in my stomach! I have a weird craving for Sweet Gherkin Pickles! Hope I'm not pregnant!

I also found where all the bugs in my place moved to during the winter! Into my moving boxes! Yikes, that was scary opening up and seeing Bug City in my stuff! Silverfish are GROSS! And taste awful, but they don't have that fishy smell...

Yeah, that drinking last night was fun! I woke up really early to headaches and the bad bad poops! But I feel like I've lost weight, so that's good!

Steve sent this, Some places to visit while I'm out of work....

Dude? I'm so moving there!!!

No Snickering: That Road Sign Means Something Else
http://tinyurl.com/c6n357

I need someone to watch over me that's for sure! I know I was acting drunk last night... because I was drunk! I got drunk with my friend Cindy and her husband, Henry and a friend named Jose.

I'm thinking I may have done something embarrassing last night while I was drunk and worry photographic evidence may be available.

Bad influences!

I'm paying for it now, even tho' I didn't pay for a single drink. How am I doing you may ask?

Okay... I've actually had a few job offers out of the blue, so it's nice to feel wanted, even tho' these jobs are in places I'm not all that sure about wanting to live. We'll see. I kinda had my mind set on going back to LA and going back to school, but I might have to put that off if big money, or any money is involved. It'll help pay for school if I can live cheaply and save.

I'll be talking with these possible employers more in the next week, but maybe I could really save up some money in the time between the hiring and the firing cause these jobs are all so temporary it seems.

Today, it's laundry, garbage hauling, more unloading at Goodwill, I need to mail off some things tomorrow, taxes, oh and the weirdest thing happened...

I was looking at my inversion table (which I love so much) thinking, Okay, I'm gonna get rid of this... Then I turned on the tv to play some music while I vacuumed and the first thing I saw was a guy demonstrating another model of the table on QVC or something like that and he goes, "I love my inversion table and can't live without it" that was so weird and random!

My brother and I went to San Francisco Oven, to eat and it was really good. The pizza was great! And there is not a single girl working there that isn't cute or even hot. We had a great talk about EVERYTHING! I love hanging out with him!

I went to see a Dentist! I had X-Rays, teeth cleaning and met the whole staff. Everyone is related! The Hygienist, she goes, "I'll be right back and bring in Dr. Ray." Then he shows up and I said, "Wait, you guys are related, right? So why didn't you just say, I'm going to go get Daddy?" They all laughed! "How professional would that sound?" he said. They were great!

This may be gross, like that stops me from telling you, but I bet I haven't been to the Dentist in 6 Years!!! But guess what?

Perfect teeth, no cavities!!!

I'm trying to get all my tires aligned and dents removed before my health insurance runs out at the end of the month. I see a Doctor Tomorrow! An Optometrist on Wednesday! And I get an oil change Thursday!

I'll be all Shiny and brand spanking New!

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Drove over to the Clarion Hotel to see the local SciFi and Fantasy Convention VisionCon because I found a flyer for it at Borders and noticed two old friends were in attendance.

Micheal Oliveri and Brian Keene, two cool writers I met back in LA while making a little documentary on a book, "4 X 4" that they were a part of, they were in town so I ran over there to see them. Brian ran to grab his latest book and signed it for me and we chatted about the good old Richard Layman days and how his new book, "Castaways" was his "tip of the hat" to the Master.

It was really a blast to see the guys again Michael is really into Karate and looks to be in great shape and completely capable of fucking someone up, Brian is now hugely popular, successful, looks like he's enjoying life and completely capable of fucking someone up as well.

I was going to meet up and drink with them later, but I started drinking a bit earlier and barely found my way home, so I need to see if I can go a week now without getting drunk.

It was really great seeing them again!

Just wondering where are all the Lesbian Polygamist Mormons?

Hung out out with some friends at a Lesbian Sports Bar! No one knew it was until I deduced from the various clues:

Music played was; Céline Dion, Melissa Etheridge, Indigo Girls and Michael Buble...

Clientele, other than us was; women without makeup, women with short hair, women with no dresses, just jeans...

We had a blast! It may be my new fav place! Because of my layoff the owner gave me discounted drinks that my friends paid for anyway!

I LOVE Lesbians! There's never any weird sexual tension, they don't care if you happen to notice another woman, they're laid back, they know cool stuff like how to fix cars and care for horses. I'd marry a Lesbian if it was allowed in the Lesbian Playbook!

I find myself saddened by another year passing without a single Oscar nomination for my brilliant work.

When I was a kid I would stand up on my bed and give my Oscar speech to the mirror and to my Millions of adoring fans, but just as I got going really good thanking all my action figures, the orchestra would interrupt with their music and a giant hook would enter stage right and haul me off.

Dang, even my imagination was against me!

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I will align in solidarity with those also persecuted and show that surviving is...

...the best revenge by seeing the cheaper priced matinee of, "Defiance" today.

Some former co-workers invited me out to drink yesterday afternoon, so without having slept or eaten, I drank and got woozy. I received gifts and kisses and hugs and I would have enjoyed it more if I hadn't left smelling like cigarettes from all the smokers.

It's weird though, a few people in calls, emails, or in person seem to relish the layoffs and any possible pain some of us may be having. Many act as if they are immune to it. A couple of people acted as if I was a carrier of a plague and turned away from me. Many are indifferent. Many are uncaring. Many don't want to think about it.

Kicking around options and possible routes to employment and happiness, none of them look all that great in reality. All look expensive. Most look painful and some seem even suicidal in some aspects.

A few very sweet people that have asked to remain anonymous have actually clicked the PayPal Donate button and sent me some extra Emergency Funds! I was so surprised and truly choked up by the gesture.

I am still very moved. Makes me feel there still is some good in this World.

 

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Well, again Clear Channel Radio has terminated my employment!

This time, I didn't feel so alone as there were about 1500 of us and more on the way. I am going to be very busy these next few weeks getting my life in order and figuring out what I should do, but until then, if you've enjoyed my writing, my podcasts, my work in general and feel comfortable helping a brother out, please think about giving me a helping hand.

I will be getting regular podcasts up and some merchandise will be available soon. If you have any ideas that might help me out, please feel free to share them with me!

Don't be shy!

Terrible Tuesday! Not because of Obama, hopefully he will kiss it and make all the pain go away...

...I'm talking about the Layoffs at work! I find out today if I'm one of the 1500 to be picked!

This is one Lottery I always seem to win.

I have a few "Back-Up" plans if work no longer requires my services:

Sell everything I can and backpack across Europe.

Stay here in my cheap apartment and write books and podcast my show.

Move back to Los Angeles and make movies.

Speaking of Big Media Companies getting rid of me, YouTube deleted my show yesterday, so I reuploaded it to see if this time it will stay:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6w3iMAoJBYo

You gotta get right back on that horse when she throws you off!

 

 

 

 

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Tomorrow, Tuesday is the Big Day!

No not the Inauguration of Obama, but the 1st wave of layoffs through Clear Channel's plan of cutting $400 Million out of it's budget by starting with 1500 jobs. 7% of it's employees.

I've been through these things before. I'm used to it. I'll pack up and move on. I'm prepared. However, many have never been through anything like this before and it will be devastating for them and their families.

So this may be my last show from US97!

Wish me luck and Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6w3iMAoJBYo

Sex can be so disgusting...

...with all the fluids, all the sweating, all the noise, all the smells... Gross!

Guess I'm really not into it, unless there's a Hot Meal afterword:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytfnT4bbd8Y

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Don't know how long it will last, so enjoy it...

...while you can!

Tonight 6PM to Midnite Listen to me Live:

http://www.us97.com

I believe it will be a great show, maybe the best one I've done all day!

Thinking about my mom and how she used to say, "I'll do that when my ship comes in." I believed she meant it as when a lot of money came to her she'd do whatever it was she wanted to do. She never got around to it, then she died. I now find myself saying, "When I get my bail-out..."

I must stop saying it.

My Bail-Out seems so distant, like a dream about winning the Lotto, or when Spanky and the Gang snuck into the Giant's cave and stole all his treasure, times are gonna get rough with theft and I think my only hope for a Bail-Out of any kind will be to choose life:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2tuNTzvuZU

 

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I pull up the covers because of the cold...

...and sit my warm laptop on my belly.

I cruise YouTube for music news and videos that amuse and new tunes and think of you.

Songs that say it better, about how I feel and wish I could say it just like them. If I was a cover band, or a director of a remake, or an Avatar, or a clone, or a ghost of Christmas Future, or even a mirror, maybe I could confirm and agree that these feelings I have for you are unique and I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now. They read this now and think it's all about them. Then get upset when they learn it's not them. This is why events unnerve me. They find it all, a different story...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rF9xO2Tpwzs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmybmVNjfbI

 

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I knew a crash was inevitable...

...being I've been so "High on Life" these last few weeks. It's like a sugar crash, coming down now. I packed up some stuff I wanted to get rid of in case I needed to be light and jump a train and ride up top on the cars like Woody Guthry, dropped off the stash of personal belongings and history to the Goodwill.

Tried to sell some other seemingly valuable items, but eBay bidders felt different, I guess they were only important to me. But these items would not fit in my backpack.

Driving back from the Goodwill a weight was lifted then quickly regret filled that void. Sadness swept over me.

In my space I sat on the kitchen floor surrounded by what was left. The unwanted things. The left behind. The Misfit Toys. These too, must go.

I made a list of friends that I might give these things to, but I don't want them to feel like I'm unloading on them. Most of my friends live so far away shipping costs would be involved and that's counter productive to my needs and budget.

Another box is filled for Goodwill. More sadness.

If I owned a home where these things could be part of who I am, my history, it would be different. The regret grows.

Why couldn't I be more successful?

If I were wealthy I could have a home for these things and myself.

If I were smart about finances I could survive these coming times without stress and worry.

If I were street smart I could have survival skills to prepare me for the road ahead.

If I were emotionally stable and kinder to myself I would let love into my heart, tear down the wall around me and find a place for a lover in my life where we could be there for each other and shoulder each others burden and comfort one another.

However, I feel right now, until this feeling passes, that I'm just fodder for catastrophe.

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Guides to our survival and prophecies of our demise, and the sex we have in between!

I don't know how long these videos will be up, but it is really good! I've been a fan of these British works since a teen, so this series really brought back memories.

"The Martians and Us" a BBC Documentary about British Science Fiction

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2cavuNZX9c

"From Apes to Aliens" Episode 1.

This episode looks at our relationship with aliens, from Wells's invading Martians to the Daleks, via "2001: A Space Odyssey" "The Midwich Cuckoos", and the Mekon. It also explores the genre's preoccupation with the big questions of evolution, and includes interviews with Arthur C Clarke, Brian Aldiss, Doris Lessing and Steve Jones.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Trz7TXjDqKs

"Trouble in Paradise" Episode 2.
A look at the Utopian dreams and dystopian nightmares of books such as Aldous Huxley's "Brave New World" and "1984" by George Orwell. One is a vision of the future full of sex and shopping, the other is a story of oppression and violence. But why have the British been better than anyone at imagining these future heavens and hells? Contributors include Margaret Atwood and Iain M Banks.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAQW1IdmjtE

"The End of the World as We Know It" Episode 3.
A look at the genre of destruction, where the writers abandon time travel and alien invasion and declare the end of the world as we know it. Including floods, plagues, poisonous clouds and walking plants, from late Victorian disasters like "The Purple Cloud" through
Day of the Triffids" and TV series like "Survivors"

Enjoy!

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BBC4's "Prog Rock Britannia: An Observation in Three Movements" is a really cool documentary!

It's in 3 parts:

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=l8T904BrY_k

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=-7Xt4D8ANGc

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=nh4P-LMfQ8o

This is a really great documentary about progressive music and bands like Yes, Genesis, ELP, King Crimson, Jethro Tull, Caravan and Egg.

The film is about the rise and fall of a genre of music, the psychedelic pop scene, the death of progressive rock and the birth of punk.

Featuring Robert Wyatt, Mike Oldfield, Pete Sinfield, Rick Wakeman, Phil Collins, Arthur Brown, Carl Palmer, Ian Anderson and others.

Watching it, I could imagine a fantastic feature film, a mix of Robert Altman and PT Anderson with great music much like "Velvet Goldmine."

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Whenever I want to travel and can't physically, I can go online and find radio stations around the World to listen to and imagine I'm there. It kinda works and there's less troubling airline security issues.

Lately I find myself listening to one of my heroes, Stephen Merchant, genius of "The Office" and "Extras" on BBC 6. He plays great music and has an awesome crew to talk with, has cool guests, and he's hilarious!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/6music/shows/stephen_merchant/

There's several stations I have bookmarked from various locations, but I find my small amount of free time being spent with Merchant. You might try and listen, I think you could get hooked, but then again my schedule is more conducive to Greenwich Mean Time.

But if you happen to want to visit my locale and can't travel, there's always my show!

He told me 2009 is already shot and that I might as well start looking to 2012...

...then he started opening up his backpack to show me what all he packed to travel.

The Pad Thai was steaming when it reached my table. In the next booth he sat his backpack down and unzipped his thick jacket. He wore a Wilco t-shirt.

We started talking immediately. He was going across America roughly via Route 66 from the East Coast. He was about 33-35 years old, if I had to guess. He looked a lil' like a cross between Kevin Bacon and Edward Norton if you can imagine. He told me his mother passed away and left him a little money so he hit the road.

I told him I was thinking of doing it myself, but was kinda scared.

"You HAVE to do it!" he said.

He told me how he just dived in without much of a safety net and he wasn't going to stay in any corporate hotels or motels. He was going to go overseas and backpack, but stayed to watch Obama move in.

He had a laptop he carried to email friends, but ended up selling it along the way because the desire to use it faded away as he moved on across the country.

I asked what was the wildest thing to happen to him on his travels and he told me about stopping in at a cafe and the waitress was a girl he dated in high school from half way across the country.

"2009 is shot. Obama won't be able to fight all the power the Right is building against him this year. Change, the change we so desperately need won't even start for us until at least 2012. So you might as well live the way you've always wanted. If you are going to be homeless, unemployed, poor, worried... Beat it to the punch while you have control. Sell everything and hit the road. Go back to school. Drop all the friends that became a drag and go make new ones. Look at this..." He pulled out a notebook with all these addresses and names. He said these were all the people he's met traveling that he wants to keep in touch with, or send a postcard to. There had to be over a hundred names.

He looked thin.

"Oh you will lose weight being on your feet! I used to be fairly fat, but it burns off pretty fast on the road." He showed me snacks he carried in his backpack; Peanut Butter and crackers, nuts, raisins, jerky...

He added my name and address to his notebook, we shook hands and we parted. Good meeting you Joel.

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Okay, seeing "Benjamin Button" for the second time may be enough for me...

...I don't think I can take it any more!

I love the film, but I think that's it, no more for me.

Took my brother Donny to see it and kept warning him if he needs to go pee, nows the time. He did good.

Still, even though I knew what was coming up, I still got all emotional and my throat got tight and eyes got watery, oh and I had to pee, too.

There weren't many people in the theater, but a few seats down were a couple of older women. You might say they were elderly. The film makes you feel fairly good and comfortable with the elderly and I wondered if the scenes where the older Daisy making love to the much younger Benjamin got the old broads off?

Then I wondered if young guys looking for easy money should cruise the theaters showing "Button" and hunt for cash solvent cougars?

Testing this theory out, even though I'm already 29, I looked over and smiled at one of the ladies as my brother made his way to the bathroom. She smiled back. Good sign.

After the film, I caught a couple more glances from her in the lobby while she waited for the other lady in the bathroom.

I walked over to her. Up close I could see she was an attractive 70 something woman, slim, stylish, wealthy.

"Did you like the film?" I asked.

"Oh my I loved it!" She said.

"I noticed you came with a friend, could your husband not make it?"

"Oh, honey he never wants to go out and have fun with me anymore."

I went in for the kill, "If you were my mine, I'd never let a hot old piece of ass like you out of my site."

"Darlin'?" she laughed reaching out and grabbing my forearm, "you have made my day! Can't talk now cause I'm with my daughter, but here's my number and if you ever want to get together and let me 'slide down the banister' I'm all ready, cause I've been 'playing the Clitar' solo for much too long!"

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The last hour was spent listening to a friend's real life horror story from when she was a child...

...while she talked my chicken noodle soup had turned cold and my grilled cheese sandwich was rigor mortis hard.

She had slid into my booth and sighed. Uncomfortable silence. Then.

"I was packing boxes because we're moving, right? And I found pictures of my dad that I've never seen. They must have been taken just months before my mother killed him," that's how she opened the talk.

She told me when she was about five years old, mom, dad and her moved out into the country to an old farm house. They just got there and there was no power on yet and it was dark. Her mom and dad had been fighting.

Her dad said he was going to go out to the U-Haul trailer and get the camping gear so they'd have lights and sleeping bags. He came running back in and said there was a guy out there in the dark watching.

He pulled a gun out of a bag and gave it to her.

Her mom took her to a dark room and they both huddled down in the empty closet. The held each other for a while then the mom opened the closet door to see if anything was going on and while the door was open wide they could see out a window that was in that room. Suddenly a man ran up to the window to look in. Her mom pushed her back into the closet and they held each other tight.

They heard two men yelling and screaming.

The mother told her to stay put but she didn't want to be left alone! She began crying. Her mom closed the door on her.

She heard more screaming and two loud gunshots, then silence.

She laid flat on the floor of the closet and looked under the door. Then she saw a man's shoes walking into the room. The closet door swung open and a strange man stood over her. She began screaming.

Her mother rushed in screaming, "Leave her alone! I told you I'd take care of her!"

She was scooped up by her mother and wrapped in a towel and walked out of the house, but as they went through the kitchen the towel slid off her head and she saw her dad on the linoleum floor dead in a pool of blood.

She was put in the strange man's car and her mother sat with her playing the radio really loud with country music. She said her mom began painting her nails and snapping her gum.

The strange man set the house on fire and the three of them drove away.

When she woke up she was living with an Aunt and her mother was gone to be a missionary.

Then when she was in the 3rd Grade she was in the playground and she saw a strange woman by the fence looking at her.

At the end of the school day she was walking to get on the bus and the woman pulled her aside. It was her mother and she got in the car with her and the man and they drove off leaving behind all her clothes, toys, Aunt and school to live in another town hours away.

She woke up in bed the next day in a trailer park all hungry, so she walked into the kitchen to get something to eat and outside the window the Police had the strange man and her mom on the knees out front at gunpoint. A woman in a suit came in and took her away and she told me no one fed her for the whole day.

Her Aunt came to pick her up.

When she was in High School she found out her mom had been married to a guy before her dad, but the guy went to prison.

When he broke out of prison he went looking for her mother and her dad tried to keep them apart, so he moved them out to that farm house to hide. Her mom set her father up to be killed, however the strange man just couldn't do it, so at the last minute her mother killed her dad.

The things you can learn at a cafe at 4AM if you just listen.

 

 

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Is that a huge stimulus package, or are you just happy to see me?

I was perusing eBay thinking of posting some items of my own that I would like to unload and noticed that there were very few listers doing what I want to do.

It seemed like it was all companies listing stuff at "Buy It Now" with big opening bids. It was like buying on Amazon and not an auction at all.

Whenever I posted before I played the game of starting off with the opening bid at $1 and seeing what fun transpired, but doesn't seem people are doing much of that now.

There was a News Reporter interviewing a Pawn Shop owner with the idea you can always get a clear idea of the coming economy by talking to them and the shop owner said, "Buy canned goods and rice, because it's gonna get rough."

 

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You can have anything you want if you believe in it enough...

...however, be careful what you want.

Like for example; You could say to yourself, "Man, I want a really Hot Chick in bed with me right now!" And one day you could be banging a girl in your bed who suddenly and spontaneously bursts into flame without explanation.

It happens.

A long time ago I used to have a TV Show, it was fun for awhile and when it became not very much fun at all I quit, but it became even more popular in reruns and I began to miss it.

Or miss what it could bring to me.

I want another TV Show!

In Hollywood over the holidays I was in talks with a man who had approached me with the idea of doing a show similar to one I've been thinking about for a few years. This man created one of the biggest rated specials in the history of Fox Television. I knew his name and work when he contacted me. The guy is huge! He wants me to be a part of the show!

Then out of the blue another show contacted me the next day, after they had seen a series of videos I posted on YouTube and one that appeared on CBS, BBC and The Maury Povich Show... They wanted to shoot their pilot around the subject and location I covered in some of the videos.

Two shows with similar subjects contacting me two days apart... That's Amazing!

But we'll see what happens. You never know about these things.

I hope I came across okay in the video they shot of me. I was trying to be cool, clear, exciting and sexy. I even wore girdle to hold my stomach in and stuffed a few tube socks in my pants to give me that "something extra" magic.

But as the night went on and my shots were delayed, there was a lot of standing around so the socks became dislodged and made their way around under my crotch and nestled themselves uncomfortably in the crack of my ass, making it painful to sit down during my interview. There were many people on the crew, I felt self conscious about digging around in my pants to adjust my junk, so for the shots of me standing or showing people around, that bulge in the back of my pants surely must have looked like I had dropped a load in my Huggies.

The next day a little kid at work wanted to know if I thought those "ghost hunting" shows were real? So I asked, "What do you think?"

"I don't believe in that paranormal crap!" he said.

Being silly I mawkishly said, "You are such a skeptic, you probably think everything Cris Angel and David Blaine does is fake!"

His face changed and he said very seriously, "Oh no! They levitate and walk on water! Out in the streets in front of people... How can you fake what they do?"

What can you say to that?

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The Revolution is just a T-Shirt away...

...but I rarely wear tees with text on them.

I guess that's because I want to be the message, not the carrier of a message. However, there are some great t-shirts out there and some cool companies putting great designs out that I really want!

There's nothing more fun than trying to read a t-shirt on a girl and she says something like, "Please stop looking at my tits!" That happened to me!

I encountered laundry day a few weeks ago were I had nothing clean to wear but a tee that had at one point a message on it, but numerous washing faded the text to a mere whisper and a girl was squinting to read it and not wanting to miss an opportunity, I said, "Please stop looking at my tits!"

So she slung her head back and laughed really hard then reached out and pinched me on my nipple and walked away laughing!

Now if a man had done that he'd be put in jail!

Women can get away with stuff like that!

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Hope you enjoy this show, I dedicated it to you! Played all the songs you like! Talked about you! Now, what are you gonna do for me?

If you've never had a chance to listen to my show on KXUS US97 because you're too far away, your truck only has 8-Track, you only listen to music on myspace profiles, or can't listen to the streaming audio because the Meth Lab or whorehouse you work in doesn't have DSL, here's a condensed version for your listening pleasure. Mind you, it's a bit dirty, so be careful!

But I'm only trying to turn you on...

I don't know where I'm going... Do any of us?

I fell into some kinda daze...

Standing outside I noticed the light from a street lamp was shining through leafless branches of an old tree and it's shadow fell across my car and it looked like veins on the dirty metal.

Looking at my reflection in the passenger window I could see the veins move across my face. It looked tribal. I looked fractured, shattered, even broken.

Old.

It was cold and I could see my breath floating away from me like a spirit up to the Black velvet night sky.

If I said a word, it would form in steam and hover away in the breeze. Like a blown kiss. Could I send a thought with it? Would it find you? Would you know it was me sending you the message?

Hello!

Just when I get excited about all the possibilities for 2009, I have to go and write out a check for Rent!

Now I'm drained of all strength I was storing up to use to shower and get dressed. I can't believe writing a check can wear me out so much. But it does.

I went to see "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" at 5 yesterday cause it's the cheap show and I wasn't so sure about it, but I love David Fincher and he's never failed me before. That movie is really good, it's long, but I almost started crying at the end. But I held back, many people in the crowd did cry, you could hear it.

A couple behind me talked all through it and I was thinking about that News report about the guy that shot that man who was talking through the same movie! So after the movie I turned around and asked them if they had seen that News item?

There was panic on their faces like I might be packing.

Assholes! They'd laugh at a sad parts and they were texting someone and giggling, she even took a call on her cell and didn't get up to leave... It was awful.

I hate going to the movies because of that, but the theaters promote that kinda behavior with all their Verizon Ads they play before the film.

I was pretty mellow and didn't shoot anyone because before the movie I had an Enchilada De Pablano and a Large Top Shelf Margarita that almost knocked me out. Bad part there is an awesome flooding scene in the film and I already had to pee so bad, I could barely hold it.

New Years Parties? I missed everything! After the flick, I had to some work, then went home to nap and slept through the whole thing!!! I guess I was tired...

I had a dream Brad Pitt and I became friends and he took me fishing and hang gliding, then we went go kart racing, he bought me a corndog, he asked me advice about his career, then he gave me a skateboard he had airbrushed with our image we had taken in a photo-booth... Then I bolted awake!

"Dang, Was that Gay or what?" I said out loud.

I blame the Large Top Shelf Margarita, but a good corndog does sound good now as I type this.

There are so many things I want to do this year, so many things I wanna do this month! This year will be My Year I just know it! I know I've said that in the previous years, but maybe then I just wasn't ready for my greatness to be revealed, to even me.

Being this is the 1st, I could try the Fast again... It worked last month for at least 15 days before the chest pains threw me off track. When I went to LA I had bloated back up even more than I was before the Fast and it was sad cause everyone is so thin there.

I only need to lose about 50 pounds to be pretty on camera! There are people that I see that look skeleton thin in person, but on camera they just look good and hot. Why? Not fair!

Steve sent me an email about how I could be writing off all that Steak n'Shake food!

Food as Fuel: If You Bike For Work, Is Your Lunch Tax Deductible?

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