Not a week goes by there isn't some friend asking me, "Where is your...

...film?"

At one time I was the next big thing. Offers. Meetings. Lunches. And somehow I gave up on it, or it just all slipped away.

Now, just as Coppola once predicted that there will be a time where making films will be so cheap that everyone could do it and then some little fat girl will make a masterpiece. Now I know so many people that are making films!

Friends I used to have that at the time had no real interest in films, that I would have to drag to the movies, are now making films and going to festivals and having a great life. Where did I go wrong?

Is it because I have no ideas? No! I have plenty!

Is it because I'm scared? Probably. It hurts when you aim for something good and miss the mark even slightly.

Is it the hard work? Most likely. It's so much easier to just picture it all in my head rather than having to deal with all the people it takes to make a film.

What am I afraid of? Not making a good film. Being disappointed. Having the film not sell. Having the actors feel bad about how they performed. Losing the investor's money.

These really are silly reasons not to make a film; So what if it doesn't sell? I could make a film that cost nothing. No investors to worry about! So what if it's bad? Make another one! Who cares if the actors didn't like their performances? Have them do it again in another film! Big deal if I didn't like the film, next time maybe I'll get it right?

Jeez Louise! What is my problem? Do I really care if no one sees the films I make? Who am I making my films for anyway?

One time my Doctor asked me, "What really makes you happy and when are you at your happiest?" And the very first thing that popped into my head was when I'm behind the camera shooting something. Hunting a good image. Capturing a moment. Then editing shots together. It makes time disappear.

He then said, "That's the thing you are meant to do!"

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