Let me ask you this!

Answer me these questions and imagine how your life will be changed by me!

Please think about them carefully and do not attempt to answer any of these while driving, operating large industrial machinery or sexual devices.

When you were having the time of your life, when was that and what were you doing?

What parts of your lover's body, besides the obvious parts, are the ones that drive you crazy sexually? And what are the ones on yours that you love having stimulated?

For example, I personally love the back of a woman's neck, the collar bone area and the small of her back. On me, I go crazy when she sticks her tongue in my ear or sucks/bites on my nipples.

I don't mind the biting, but it's the tearing away and chewing that scares me.

Ever tell a potential date, "I am an organ donor, baby, need anything?"

Ever say something like, "Oh, I'm gonna cook something in the oven..." when you really mean the Microwave Oven, but you say it cause you wanna sound like you're a chef and know what you are doing?

Have you ever bought a bootlegged DVD?

Personally, I feel one should never trust a bootlegger! I just bought a bootleg DVD of the film, "Winter's Bone" because it was filmed near where I'm currently curled up in a fetal position and I want to see it, but I played said, "Winter's Bone" and it was a porno about Edgar Winter!

Ever been doing something you were dying to do and once you were doing it, you thought, "WTF? This is retarded! I'm not doing this again!" What was it?

If your alarm clock could wake you up to any song you choose, what would it be and why?

Have you ever in your life, been physically in a fight? What happened? How did it end? How do you feel about it now?

Sometimes nicknames can be so cruel, if you could pick your own, what would your cool nickname be?

Ever wear your pajamas or underwear outside your house? How did it happen?

What was the last song you remember singing in the shower?

What was your favorite toy from childhood that you wish you had now?

This one kid thinks I'm an idiot, asking me what Star Wars toy I had that I wished was real when I was young? Luke's Speeder, cause that's what I had, and he asked why? So I tell him I always wanted something like a Hovercraft! I went on and on about hovercrafts, who built them, who created them, when they were made, for about an hour, his eyes had glazed over and suddenly I realized instead of Hovercrafts, I had been saying "HOVEROUNDS!!!" Those wheelchairs for old people!

Have you ever needed to go to the bathroom so bad, but were unable to find one, so you had to go in public and were caught by someone relieving yourself?

What's the strangest dream you've had?

Ever have a dream where keyboard keys fall apart, or turn into something else, like teeth, or you can't read the letters? 

Ever dream your teeth are falling out, or there's an old lady trying to kiss you, or a dead relative is trying to talk to you? 

Ever dream you had snakes in your bed?

Ever dream something about me you've never told me?

Ever dream you had body hair growing all over you uncontrollably?

Have you ever had a dream about me you didn't share with anyone?

Ever have a dream where you suddenly had huge breasts or a large penis?

Please contact me with your answers, a photo and a check for $100 made out to Jerry Lentz and know that your results may vary.

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