I was talking with a friend about being a lil' boy when my dog ran out into the road and my mom and I both saw her get hit by a car that didn't even stop. My mom chased after me cause I was running out into the road and as my dog died in my arms I felt tears welling up in my eyes and a heavy cry building up in my throat and chest. My mother yelled at me, "Don't you cry! We'll get another dog."
I know now she was panicked because I had run out into the street and wasn't prepared for the dog to die or for me to start crying and it all blurted out that way, but at the time I thought she couldn't have said a more horrible thing to me. Growing up on the farm I had many great dogs come into my life, then die. I've loved a lot of animals. Then I'd get heartbroken when they either died or were slaughtered. It's a weird thing when you realize you're eating a friend, like a cow, a pig, a turkey… That's what happens when you are young on a farm. They try and explain it all away, but it gets lodged in you somewhere deep like a bullet hidden, always leaking lead into your bloodstream, poisoning you. Today I watched Woody Allen's, "Cassandra's Dream" and while I had heard other people dogging it, I really liked it. Ewan McGregor and Colin Farrell play two brothers who convinced themselves they have to do an unspeakable crime to cover some other bad choices they've made. Debts and money lead to murder and guilt and shame lead again to murder in this family drama. There's a great bit about crossing the line and how once you've crossed it you're capable of anything. When you need money you rationalize every decision you made to feel better about covering your debts and paying the bills and feeding the kids… A friend sent me a news item about a guy we once knew who had been laid off, then recently lost his unemployment benefits and when that happened it was too much for him and he shot himself. The kicker was he shot himself twice as the first bullet into the head wasn't enough. Can you imagine? Shooting yourself, dropping the gun and them realizing even though your face has been blown off, you're still alive, so you have to fumble around on the carpet looking for the gun to get a second shot in to finish the job. My friend wrote, "Jerry, we've been laid off so many times, but have you ever even considered this? These companies laying people off to show bigger profits, taking away peoples livelihoods, destroying families… If you are working at a company making 100 Grand a year and they let you go for no good reason, it's as though they stole $100,000 from you! Why aren't there more shootings in the workplace? People need to take it to the source!" The French, no matter how much you make fun of them are laughing at us, because they would never stand for this in their country. I was sitting on the front steps thinking about stuff, then my thoughts turned kinda sad and just when I felt myself getting a bit more depressed, a dog I've never seen before walked over and sat down beside me and together we looked out at the world. He picked my spirits up, just like that! Then when he was done, he mosied on down the road. Sweet! Yes, I believe it was an angel! Such a sweet baby to come and make me feel better. He didn't lick me, or jump on me, he gave me space and just wanted to sit next to me and make me feel like I wasn't alone in this world.
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