I think I've had it! Life's just too tough. Dreams that don't come true are so heartbreaking to experience. Yesterday, I did something I've never done in my entire life! I walked into the Department of Social Services to apply for Food Stamps and any kind of assistance.
Man, that sure was a pride swallowing kick on the crotch. Not that I'm judging anyone, but I didn't look like any of the people that was crowded around me there for the same thing. They certainly looked like they needed help, or wandered out of a mental hospital, or escaped from jail...
My utilities are scheduled to be disconnected day after tomorrow. Eviction is very near. It's so hot outside, but I am preparing for the possibility of living in my Honda Civic.
This is something I would never have imagined I would do. Always felt I was smart enough to think my way out of trouble. Figured I had enough energy and skills that an employer would always see it and snap me up. Jobs used to fall in my lap! What happened? Why do I blame myself? Am I to blame?
Then, why can't I make it on my own? What's keeping me from writing that bestselling book, making that popular film, working on that exciting TV series, or creating that income generating website?
All I need is just a lil' break, a helping hand to pick me up out of this hole, an offer of hope.
Why is this happening to me? What am I meant to learn from this experience? Why am I crying so much? Where are my benevolent angels that usually guide and protect me and offer hope and help? Can't they hear my prayers?
Why do I feel so alone?
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