Well, for some reason I wasn't on the Biography Channel last night even though that's what the producers told me.
I was getting calls and emails that people were settling down to watch me on the Bio Channel, but then the emails began saying I wasn't on, I don't have cable so I wasn't able to tell. Some friends kindly skyped me the feed and when the image was clear enough to see, I could tell I wasn't on. They told me it was suppose to be last night, but they did tell me a while back that mine was the absolute best one they've ever done and that they wanted to use it as a season finale. But then they also called and said it would be tonight... TV sucks!
Those producers screwed up. Oh well. Sorry I got everyone ready for it. Don't know when I will be on, but I doubt I'll even plug it in advance when I am in fact on. You'll just have to find it on your own, if you are so inclined.
I have a sore throat, I think it's from allergies. I sure hope it's not strep! I feel awful!
I was just perusing Yahoo's "7 Mistakes Not to Make on Your Resume" and I always think it's bad to mention that cash always comes up short on your shift, but I imagine you have a great resume no-no, too! How about, "As a hobby I collect guns and have a basement full of semi-automatic rifles" that might make them reconsider laying you off? If they'd ever hire you in the 1st place.
Times are tough. I don't know what I'm going to do? Where am I gonna get money? What kinda work will I find? I've been down so long.
She was sitting in the chair in front of me at the Dept. Social Services. Her ticket number was in her hand. No wedding ring. Big long shiny Red nails. I could barely see the tattoo on the back of her neck until she turned to brush her dark flat ironed hair off her shoulders. It was a small thumps up symbol "Like" button from Facebook. I'd never seen a tattoo like it. She shifted in her seat and turned around to me and smiled, "I'll trade you my number for yours."
I was writing to a friend yesterday about an old book I once read when I was waiting for the rain to stop in LA. I was in the subway, sitting with this old book I had found at a used bookstore. It was by a Russian author, she lived in the 1920's, she talks about how, when she truly connects with someone, you know, on a spiritual level it’s almost as if there’s a glow around both her and the other person, it’s like a huge, hot, red ball of energy. Can you imagine what it would be like to feel that, and then feel it growing larger and growing hotter and the hotter it gets, the more connected you start to feel and the larger it becomes the more connected, spiritually, you become and the hotter this ball of energy becomes?
This young Russian writer said that the guy she was in love with in the story was so exciting, it was as if his whole body, all his personal energy, was just telling her, ‘You need me, you need me, you need me’...and then a voice inside her seemed to say, 'Yes, it’s true, this man has what you need.’
Haven’t you ever felt so attracted to someone that it’s as if every part of you, your eyes, your voice, the blush of your cheeks, is just saying to this guy, ‘We are destined for each other,’ haven’t you felt this?
There's a part of the novel where this guy she is so in love with is working in a factory with her brother. The factory is making cameras copied from cameras of Germany, and the US. They are really pirates, stealing patents. The work is so hard, screwing, bolting, bending, molding... in sweaty, hot rooms, bent over tables pounding away and then also doing delicate precision work.
In the guy's voice, in his head, he's talking about falling into the work and he says something like, 'When Jerzy next to me hands me the tool at the end of his shift, I always find myself taking a deep breath, just instinctively, you know and then I find myself getting totally absorbed in the process of examining the thing in front of me. You know, you just feel that place of passion open up inside of you, because you’re beginning to feel this emotional and even spiritual connection. This is what you feel, when you know going to do the thing that’s important right now. It’s as if, in that moment, I’m a kid again, maybe seven years old. And I’m in awe of this piece of blue wood and gunmetal gray steel that’s in my hands. I think of all the people whose lives I’m going to touch by making this as perfect as can be, and this is incredibly exciting. When I think of this sense of connection, I feel this warmth flow up through my solar plexus, down my legs, along my arms, pulsing, pulsing, pulsing. The camera feels good in my hands, because I've handled lots of them here, and I now have a deep, instinctive comfort with them, it may sound silly, but it’s a kind of oneness. I mean, you know what that’s like? You know, it’s the kind of feeling that comes from just surrendering to a sense of connection, and going with it. It’s a kind of artistry. I feel being an artist is mainly a matter of how you feel about what you do. I’m a camera-maker, boys will take nude pictures of their girls, carry those photos into the war, I will take your picture, under that tree where we made love, when you wore my hat and looked up at me from under it, you are below me, I am taking your picture and my hands know exactly how to make certain things feel good.'
I thought about a girl I used to know and love when I read that book. I don't even remember the name of it, or the author, who was very young when she wrote it, she's long dead, the book unknown, but I remember thinking of this beautiful girl when I read it, and now thinking of that girl, I was reminded of the book.
Maybe you'll remember me.
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