Watched the video of that guy in his SUV being swallowed by a giant sinkhole and remembered some horrible nightmare I once had about the world splitting in half and how I fell into the crack and the two hemispheres twisted apart.
That lead me to think about this girl I knew, who was so important to me when I was young, that she created a deformation in my spacetime caused by a very intense field of love. Any information, or feelings, or distribution of memories about the girl became evenly distributed along the horizon of my dream-life, but it was lost to outside observers who didn't know her or me, or us as a unit. The affect she had on me cannot be measured, however a standard of intense emotion was set so high by my interaction with her, all subsequent encounters with others, no matter how contractually bonding, paled in her brightness.
So powerful was her impact, even in her absence her presence was always felt.
So deep was the dent she made in the unification of my space and time, the curve always pulled my heart's focus back to her, in the past, where my development was arrested, suspended animation, frozen as a man-child trapped in a loop, forever playing and replaying our events like some ghost returning to the scene of the crime, locked in obsession by the gravity and the properties of connectedness.
So important to me in my live was she, that if I were a tree sliced in half you could document the change and how she altered me, in my rings. If there was a biography of my whole life, the arc of the story would be my love for her… The longing for her… The search for her… Being saved by her… Being found by her.
The only release from the solitude was to reconnect, collapse the structure and framing of the past and the years without her and build anew with fresh awareness, mature skill sets, and experienced eyes. The foundation of memories, the material of dreams, the stains of history, the fabric of hopes, all deteriorate, dissolve, burst into flames and spiral down the sinkhole, leaving the past as unsure as the future, cold and Godless, but in the warmth of her embrace we stand, so that the only solid ground is the present.
Here is where I will build my new life, with her, now.
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