Here I am looking smart! Yet, I'm using this public bathroom to wash up, shave, make calls, wash socks and undies, brush my teeth and use the toilet. If I was so smart, how did I end up with this life and not one of a young internet billionaire?
Well, I love the NASA shirt that my very smart friend Jessica bought for me at a thrift store for a dollar! Today, I was even was asked if I was an astronaut. "Actually, I am a Supernaut!" I promptly answered.
There was a few dollars I saved up for food that I decided to use on a bottle of local pure wildflower honey and a bottle of natural apple cider vinegar that I hope by drinking 2 or 3 times daily will help rid me of my various ailments. Since I have no health insurance and no money to spare for medicine, this just has to work! Failure is not an option!
Mixing up the drink with half honey and half vinegar in some water, I was reminded of my mother fixing it up for me as a child. It tasted better when she gave it to me. I miss her so much. There are so many things I need to tell her. So many things I need to hear her say. So many questions I have, and just hearing her answers or opinions or advice could change my life. I try to imagine her saying the things I want to hear, but it doesn't ring true. My imagination isn't strong enough. Her face fades away as I close my eyes and strain to pull her image back.
I want to show her my friends. I want her to meet the ones she never met and see how the ones she had have grown and changed.
I want her to see the young girl I said I was going to marry over 25 years ago and meet the young daughters she now has and what an amazing woman she has become.
I want her to hold me in a hug and tell me everything is going to be okay, like she used to do.
The sweet honey taste mixed with the vinegar tart taste, together makes me think of life. The good and the bad. The mix of the two. The swirl of life. The cycle. The waves.
I close my eyes and imagine I am small and safely lodged and relaxed deep inside a drop of wild honey as the apple cider vinegar washes all around my warm globe of liquid brass unable to penetrate the thick natural sweetness. I will not resist life. I will let it wash over me. I will surrender to it. I will see it, touch it, taste it, feel it and let it go.
1 comments:
Lovely. Love you, Jerry.
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