Everyday in my email I get these bank statements and account balances sent to me and it's so depressing. Little by little it gets chipped away with bank fees, NSF, gas, groceries… I'm just one guy. I don't have any big expenses. I don't have kids to feed. No wife to support. No drug habit. No cult to hand over wages to. No house payment. No rent. No car payment. Nothing! I've been watching and waiting for what little money I have to drain away.
I think I'm pretty frugal except maybe for eating out, but I eat at very cheap places where the food is cheaper than I could buy and fix it myself, and I usually get free coupons, or am lucky that I have friends who will pick up the check from time to time.
The other day a waitress I kinda know found out I had been living in my car and she exclaimed, "Oh, I wish you had told me!"
"Why? Why does that bother you?"
"Because I'm a human being and I wouldn't have let that happen to you!"
Hmm. People say the coolest things without actually doing anything. It's very sweet to hear someone say, "I know you need this, so I will take care of this for you. Look for it in the mail." Say they were gonna send you a check for medical expenses, maybe rent or something. Then, it never arrives. Yet, they feel better just for offering. It's the thought that counts, right?
Some people, yet very few, actually do more than offer. Some will track you down and force their help upon you. Those are real Angels. Spiritual Warriors, I imagine. Some spend all their time rescuing animals, but allow their fellow humans to fall. Some call to check up, find out where you are, drive around looking for you, stop by, give you a hug, shake your hand and slip you $40 in that handshake so you won't be embarrassed. Some take you to dinner and say, "Whew! I'm full, here take the rest of this with you. Let's box it up!" Some tell you, "This is my guest room, but I use it as an office sometimes, if you can figure out how to hook this printer up for me, I would love it if you would sleep on this bed for as long as you need it in exchange for doing that!" Some tell you, "Look, we're poor college students, we ain't got shit, but it sure would be cool if we had a man around, an adult, ya know, not some frat boy, someone that could take care of things, take care of us, ya know… It's hard to be a girl, all alone at school away from mommy and daddy, although daddy never was around anyway, but seriously… We have one bed, but it's huge! It's cold out, but we can make it warm in here. The girls and I have talked it over and we've all come to the idea of you staying with us for a long, long time."
I used to know a guy that constantly proclaimed how charitable he was. Always on the board for this group or that. Always talking about the funds he was raising for nonprofits or raffling off goods and services for different causes… Only to discover he wasn't doing anything but pocketing the money himself.
Nothing is worse than waiting for that check that never arrives. I've been a freelancer for years and the client always wants their stuff yesterday, but when it comes to getting paid, it's 30 days, 90 days, 120 days… Never.
My whole life has been waiting.
Waiting for tomorrow to arrive. Waiting for love to arrive. Waiting for that big break. Waiting for the pain to subside. Waiting for a ride. Waiting for the date to be over. Waiting for the yelling to stop. Waiting for the wrists to heal. Waiting for the movie to end. Waiting for the run of the play to be over. Waiting for the divorce. Waiting in line. Waiting on the State Trooper to run your plates. Waiting for that big check that will change everything. Waiting for the book to be finished. Waiting for the publisher, the movie studio, the television network, the museum to buy your masterpiece. Waiting for the change to come. Waiting for the orgasm. Waiting for you to rescue me. Waiting for me to fix everything. Waiting for you to fix everything. Waiting for the kiss that makes you forget all the pain.
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