Sure are a lot of gay people in theatre!

Yet, I haven't witnessed anything too homo where I've been performing. I have nothing against gay people. I love gay people. I love the macho, the flaming, the butch, the lesbian… I love two girls kissing and I even dig seeing two guys kiss as long as it's done in a loving way. I hate angry kissing! Violent kissing! The kind where teeth get chipped. I dunno what I'm talking about. I'm still feeling the effects the medication my pharmacist/dealer supplied me with last night before I went onstage.

Earlier I was given a baggy of "nerve" pills that are also some kind of antihistamine, which I could use anyway as I'm stopped up with allergies. I stopped off at the library not far from the theatre to use the Internet and remembered some opiates I also had for pain. They're some kind of painkiller, but I always feel the pain, it's just I they take you where you don't care about the pain, also they are supposed to help with depression, so I should be taking them every hour on the hour!

I popped one of these pills and then just minutes later I was changing into my wardrobe and removing the contents of my pockets because I'm concerned my fellow actors may possibly be thieves. I doubt it, but I think everyone is stealing from me, so why would it be any different because they are talented performers?

Digging into my pockets I find the baggy of "nerve" pills and forgetting I just took painkillers, I think, "I better take one of these just to knock the edge off of my panic before my performance."

I do.

Then 20 minutes later, I'm costumed, fully made up as an old man, and sleeping in a chair just when another cast member wakes me by saying, "Jerry, you are so cool and calm! Your queue is coming up!"

I'm loose. I already don't know my lines, but with these drugs pumping through system, I just don't give a fuck. So with that going for me I hit the stage with one of the greatest performances of my life!

At one point I say a line, sort of a punchline that results with my dramatic exit through a door, yet as I say it to great applause, I find that the door is locked! LOCKED? What am I gonna do? Kick the door down? Walk off the stage? I think. My synapses, thanks to the chemicals, provide me with some awesome sparks, so I say, "This lousy house! The doors locked now!"

Suddenly, the stage manager who in fact locked the door and later apologized, unlocked the door from backstage, but not only unlocked it but opened it to the full view of the audience.

"Not only is this crazy house a piece of crap, it's also haunted and by some mysterious magic the door has opened itself!" I exit to more great applause!

Backstage I receive hugs, high fives, kisses and, "Jerry, you are fucking amazing! Great cover!"

Posted via email from jerrylentz's posterous