Monday, December 27, 2010

What have I really got to look forward to now?

Now that all my Xmas presents have been opened, played with, packed away or sold for cash to buy food or drugs, what can I set my sights on in this coming future?


I dunno, either.


January 1st is coming up and that's always a good point for me to start to be prolific in something. Maybe I will start those books, or finish those books that I have started. Do something I've never done before!


Maybe I need to just focus on myself for a while. Forget about what other people might think or want. Just try and please myself, make myself happy if I can. Everyone I know is busy. Busy working, busy trying to pay off their houses, busy taking care of their families… I got none of that! 


I should feel free, I suppose. Maybe I need to figure out how to make this work for me. How can I? What can I do with all this freedom? Could I recreate myself into someone I'd rather be? Who do I really want to be, anyway? Why not just be myself?


Visiting people can be fun, but really you can do that on the phone, or Skype just as easily. Traveling might be something I should do more of this coming year. I could meet new people. Make new friends. Visit cool and mysterious places. My absence from old friends would only make our conversations more interesting. So maybe I should jump on a ship and explore the world and see what's out there for me.


An old friend emailed me to talk about our younger days and to wish me happy holidays and he started talking about the marriages that did work for him and the cost of raising his kids and the mortgages on his various houses and boats. As he was talking I started thinking about how I wish I had a sponsor like the artists of by gone days had. I could have some wealthy old lady patron supporting my bullshit artistic endeavors so I didn't have to work at some crappy job. They would let me live in a room in the castle so I could paint and create.


Then as my friend was dumping on me about how horrible his life is, I starting thinking about how I'd like to be like David Bowman in "2001" living alone in some awesome hotel room where everything is taken care of, or even better, I could be like Cap'n Pike in Star Trek and live in dreams and fantasies that these aliens set up for me to observe how I deal with them and see if I can procreate with a sexy female.


These two scenarios work for me, but I like the last one more. 

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