To Boldly Go Where I've Never Gone Before!

Okay, I know... Why another picture of me posing in my panties? Especially after some of my buddies made fun of me yesterday for my B'Day Party picture, but I had several nice messages from the ladies and gay guys who enjoyed it and one gal who is an Art Teacher at a college in Maine who asked if I would pose for her class. I asked and yes, it was to pose nude, but it's in Maine. Still it made me feel good!

Well, another year older, a new month is almost here, a chance to start fresh, live the life I've always dreamed of and live the life worth living... What can I do with the rest of my life? Ideas...

Hmm...

I'm thinking!

I had a long talk tonight with one of my dearest and sweetest friends and I told her that I believe the regrets I have in my life, and there are many, wasted years, but I feel fear is the cause of all of mine. I should have taken this path, but went the other way because I was scared. I should have married this girl, but didn't ask because I feared rejection. I did things others wanted because I was afraid to say, "No." There are many things I'm afraid to do, but maybe I MUST do them, to have the life well lived.

There's someone I've loved most of my life and wanted to be with her the rest of my life, but she meant so much to me I was afraid of any kind of rejection from her even though there was no call for it. I looked up to her, she was funny, smart, beautiful and her opinion meant everything to me. If I had asked her to marry me and she said, "No" I would have been devastated. My fear caused me not to be honest with her about my feelings for her and as a result, I lost her.

Lost her in the stars of my imagination. She was somewhere out in space. I moved on to explore strange new life and civilizations. One dead planet after another. Cities in ruin and on the edge of forever.

But there she was in my thoughts like a hologram hovering over me in the dark every night. I tried to find her! I had grown. I was a man now! I could tell her how I felt. I wasn't a Vulcan. I had feelings. I had to find her, but all my sensors failed and I was dealing with technology not far beyond the stone age. I even tried to employee detectives to search databases of the various know planets, but these creatures still used currency in their societies and attaining the needed funds drained my power. It seemed hopeless, but technologies were becoming available to the sector I found myself in and when I activated  communications I had initiated a "Distress Call" beacon, a profile to attract contact.

And after what seemed like thousands of Earth Years, I did in fact receive a message. It was good to hear from her. My heart soared. I lowered my shields and signaled my conditions. Yet, it seemed she was happy where she was, she had found a mate and had offspring and was exploring her own worlds.

I tried to pretend I was happy for her, but all I wanted to do was set my phaser on overload, dematerialize and die in a discharge of nadion particles.

I was crippled, my ship was crippled, there was a lack of oxygen, I was tired and wanted to fall into a state of suspended animation. And I did that in a way. I walked the planet half in and half out of this dimension, all my duties were ignored, I was in a state of dispare. Even Orion slave girls could offer me no comfort. I was adrift in a cold heartless Universe and my dilithium crystals were failing from lack of use, all my shields were down, life support systems were lost and I was just waiting to die.

Then, another message came in.

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I know what you're thinking, and Yes, it's true...

...I should have stayed a Male Model, but this was taken tonight at my awesome B'Day Party and I just had to show you this, because I'm wearing some of the great gifts I received. If you missed all the excitement of my B'Day please checkout this link:

http://jerrylentz.blogspot.com/2010/05/starting-at-120001am-early-this-morning.html

I don't usually prance around like this, unless it's on stage for money, but I was feeling good, slightly high from the intoxicating perfume and mood altering incense all over me, and the delicious lowcarb treats the caterers made, and the nearly sugar free lowcarb drinks the bartender created. I'm standing up on these cushions because of the foam being blown out onto the floor and the cold fog from the dry ice. I will probably post more pics on my Facebook page and some of the friends that did show up took pictures, too.

Thanks again to everyone that wrote, sent pictures, sent cards, called, mailed gifts, gave cash, came by to see me and came to play with me!

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Starting at 12:00:01AM early this morning, my new MacbookPro's hardrive crashed and burned taking with it brilliant and irreplaceable things like audio, two books I was working on, an audiobook I was recording, years of podcasts, movies I made, love letters I have written, pictures I've taken...

...then I got the news about Dennis Hopper; calls came in and a few requests for interviews with some stations because of the extensive writing I have done on him. I was just in Dodge City shooting video and tracing his childhood hangouts. So sad, we all knew it was coming, but seriously... TODAY?

But I can't be sad right now because today is my Birthday!

Thank goodness I have all my old Apple computers, obsolete as they are, I cranked one up just to check my email and Facebook, because the Technical Director of my show, Steve Kellener called and said, "Dude? Have you seen your Facebook page? You have about 300 B'Day comments on it!"

GO LOOK!!!

http://www.facebook.com/jerrylentz

I did go on and was moved to tears because these such sweet people took time out of their busy weekends to leave wonderful comments and write stories about when they first met me! People sent me pictures of us from years ago. People sent pictures of themselves celebrating my B'Day from miles and some even continents away! Some people even sent pictures of themselves mooning me, and or just showing me how proud they are of their own bodies! I have the sweetest and most beautiful friends!

The awesome comments just keep pouring in!

Even with some sad things happening today, the showing of love, the wonderful gifts, the email, the pictures, the calls... It really has been the best B'Day EVER!

I haven't been as excited in a long time...

...about a TV show. I know I just talked about it not long back. 10 Days back, I believe. Thanks to friends I can see it online, cause I don't have cable or dish. Several friends have chastised me for still watching it after the "New Guy" started. They will come around, I'm sure. 

These kids today have no idea how lucky they are to be able to see what they can see nowadays. When I used to watch the show, it would have to be on a thing called a UHF Channel, it would have to be tuned in much like radio, it would require rotating an antenna on the roof, in stormy weather, so the signal could bounce off the ionosphere from a larger market that had a cool PBS station because the shithole town I lived in barely had CB Radio. Kids, CB Radio was much like Facebook, but without the pictures and privacy issues and you could only talk to friends about 10 miles away. There was however, Telephone, but believe it or not, my service as a kid was what they called a "Partyline" so we shared our phoneline with about 15 other families. You could pick up the receiver and listen to other people's conversations and when it was clear you could call someone, but then your talk could be overheard by others and it always was. Oh also, the phone was connected to the wall, was heavy and you couldn't text with it or take pictures! Seriously!

Those were the days.

Now, I can watch shows streamed from the UK, or if I missed a classic episode I might be able to catch it broken up into bite-size morsels on Youtube before they are removed because of copyright infringement. 

I love Doctor Who! Always have, but I really dig this new Doctor. I've liked all the Doctors, but Matt Smith is something special, he's got something. There's so many friends whose first Doctor was David Tennant and they didn't know there were others. I posted a really great documentary before about the history and here's another one! Warning: The last segment is, at this time missing, however it may return, but don't let that stop you from watching this awesome documentary of the history of Doctor Who and it's cultural significance.

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Got some new glasses and wondered what you'd think.

I was going for a Harold Lloyd look, but no one around me knows who that is, so they think the Harry Potter look is what I am after. But no.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harold_Lloyd

Don't wear glasses much, my eyesight is good except with these allergies I've been having and not sure the glasses even work then, but I like changing my look up from time to time. Maybe I could use these as some character in a film? Maybe I could play an architect, or a scientist, or an artist, or a doctor, or an accountant? 

When I lived in Burbank I had a friend who was big on getting all sorts of glasses and when he went to temp job interviews he'd wear the frames he thought looked like a guy with that kinda job. I thought it was silly, but he did it, he searched out employment like he was being cast in a film. He'd get jobs when he didn't have the experience just because he looked like people that worked there. 

When Superman wore glasses he could pretend he was Newspaper Reporter Clark Kent. When Sarah Palin puts on her glasses she can pretend to be Tina Fey. Maybe I can put on these glasses and become one of the most popular and influential film comedians of the silent film era. Maybe these are Magic Glasses? Whatever I want to see, these glasses will show the world as I want it to be!

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'We could be like two strings beating, speaking in sympathy'

I've always loved that line from Kate Bush, in her song, "Love and Anger" and the other line, 'We're building a house of the future together.'

Once I was hanging out with Robyn Hitchcock in my room at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel and he was playing for me on his guitar, "Oh Yeah!" by Roxy Music, I was recording him and his girlfriend left to go get something out of their room, so it was just the two of us and he got to the lyrics, 'There's a band playing on the radio with a rhythm of rhyming guitars. They playing 'oh yeah' on the radio, Oh oh oh oooh. And so it came to be our song..." and it occurred to me that if I really want to woo a girl I should learn to play the guitar. So after the song I asked him about it and he said there was no other reason to learn to play guitar.

Tried and tried to learn, but it was just too hard for me. Love wasn't going to be easy. My fingers hurt. Maybe love wasn't important enough for me to suffer for it. Besides, my singing voice is awful. But I knew so many people that played and they were always pulling out the guitar to serenade their lovers. Maybe I would have to find another way. It might be that my way is to stand outside a girl's bedroom window and hold my boombox above my head playing "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel...

Or maybe for me it's writing, but what girl is ever going to fall in love with me from just reading things like this?

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Robot Weddings are becoming commonplace now!

Robot Priests are in big demand because of fears of pedophilia and church lawsuits. 

Soon they will be everywhere just like a laptop. The laptop will give way to the lapdance as plans are underway for a chain of stripclubs that feature only Robotic Strippers! Stripclub owners don't want to have to share the money with human strippers any longer. More and more people are losing jobs to these mechanical slaves. How soon will it be before people will demand the right to married a robot?

What if one day robots want to marry each other?

I've been thinking of marriage lately. Different types of weddings, styles, themes... I think I might be ready to marry again once I can come up with a perfect theme for my wedding, oh and come up with someone that's ready to marry me. I might need a bride because there's no group of single people fighting for the right to marry themselves, no group for me to join and become and activist for, yet.

I used to fear that at my age there would be no women in my age group that weren't somehow used, abused and broken, but that's the state I'm in and I think I'm worth something. I have feelings. I have love to give. Even a woman with missing parts or even spare parts could be worthwhile and worthy of love. I could sew up her broken heart and she could sew mine!

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These are my new B'Day Pants!

My Birthday is 5 days away and some gifts have already arrived, these pants being one that I opened early. They're from a very sweet friend who just happens to know my new size and thought I would look good in this color and fabric. I think she was right. She might have to be consulted on all my clothing purchases in the future. None of my pants fit anymore as I continue to lose weight, so new clothes are needed. 

My sister-in-law took this picture when I was visiting with my brothers and while they were in the original photo, I cropped them out because, even though they are good looking guys to their loved ones, I wanted you to focus on my pants and how hot I am. Just continue to look at how amazingly hot looking I am for a few moments longer and know what a great friend I would be to you and how much fun we would have when you are lucky enough to have a chance to stand next to me for our own photo that I would later crop you out of, for you own safety and well being, of course.

If I made more money I would give all the time. I love giving for no other reason than seeing the look on their face. I may even miss giving on someones birthday, but will give on some random day for the fun of it. I love giving because some chemical inside me gets pumped and floods my brain causing me to feel really great, it's like a high, and it makes me feel so good. If I made a lot of money, I'd be drunk with that kinda feeling. Whenever I dream of the wealth and riches I want for myself, what I am really imagining is the feeling I have when I give.

I love getting gifts! I always have loved the surprise of opening up something someone picked out for me, made for me, thought enough of me that they believed the object or service represented me, or reflected a part of their own personality enough to want me to hold a little bit of themselves and add to my collection of personal items. I love when someone sends me money through the PayPal Donate Button, on the sidebar of http://www.jerrylentz.blogspot.com/ because it shows me they care about this site, my writings and my livelihood. There are so many kinds of gifts you can send me and I know you are imagining which ones you will send and the fact is you can send money, too. Consider the possibilities as you imagine just what it would be like sending me something great. You might not already see yourself picking out my gift, wrapping it and sending it to me, but if you were to imagine just that I guess you would suddenly find yourself making us both happy.

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Marlon is on my mind today as I start another road trip...

...this one with my brothers! I imagine Brando playing the bongos, or telling me about some song he heard in a club and beating out the rhythm from the backseat as we drive through the countryside. We''ll be driving to where Jazz and Country Music formed in the Midwest.

I hope it won't be too hot today! But anything over 60 Degrees to me is warm. 

This is an absolutely awesome, possibly life changing documentary! You must watch all of it! It's in 17 small parts, you'll have to search them out, but well worth it!

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Do you want more Money? Do you want deeper Sleep? Do you want more Sex?

You want my New CD!

http://tinyurl.com/2eqw8rr

I'm so excited to announce my brand New CD and I'm sure you'll want one, too! It's a fact, you'll be pleasantly surprised by the affects it will have as I get inside you. It's so powerful, it's relaxing, it feels great and you'll wonder why I never came inside you before! Listening to me as I move through you, you'll come with me to places in your deepest dreams, finding your wants and desired, introducing you to the part of you that wants to make your wildest wishes come true and make you feel great the rest of your day!

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I woke up in the car and saw she was missing. Walking through the morning mist, I made it to the canyon's edge. I couldn't see the other side, it was as if the Earth cracked in half and there on a rock jutting out into the clouds she stood. She looked so powerful, so strong, like a goddess and unlike the frail girl crying last night in my arms. I wanted to know what she was thinking out there on that rock. I couldn't believe I had tried to leave her. Now I knew I would never again let a moment go by without her.

U2 - Until the End of the World

She waited at the corner table, where she first saw him a week ago, she wrote in her diary, the one with a torn picture of Audrey Hepburn pasted to the cover. Surely he would return. She thought about nothing else these last days, but him. Before she forgot, she traced along the length of her neck with her mother's Shalimar by Guerlain, for extra effect.

Blondie - Dreaming

He was dressing coffins for the souls he'd left behind and in time, he knew very well, the one that slip away was the only one that haunted him. In the mirror she was frozen, left as she was when he departed, a mystery of all things he should seek to find. Shattered glass and glitter, ice, wine and shuttered blinds, shards of light in the night, now they'd never be apart.

Ava Adore-Smashing Pumpkins

Her eyes widened, mouth fell open and she looked up at me in loving amazement, as if I had just wrapped her in a silken cocoon of euphoria. I looked at her face and intensely tried to memorized every part of it, brand it on my brain. I wanted to remember her like this, to remember me like this, this feeling, to hold time still like I hold her now and not let this moment pass. But we were watching time pass us by.

Depeche Mode - Never Let Me Down Again

In an effort to get in shape after my massive weight loss...

...I just assembled my new Iron Gym chin up bar for the doorway between the living room and the East wing library, the one near the sauna, anyway... I set it up, tried furiously to complete one pull up, heard all my vertebrae separate, then figured it was still a good purchase because I can hang my shirts on it to dry. Took a handful of painkillers and I'm going to be bed now.

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Here's a nice collection of paintings from one of my dearest friends! I've known her since she was 16 years old. She used to paint and give them to me. I had a huge collection of her drawings and paintings. Art can be so relaxing! It can keep you young and beautiful, too!

Who are these Aliens?

I was slow coming around to the new Doctor Who, but after watching the 1st episode, I have to say I really dig it!

Wanted to hate the new guy, but he won me over fast. The 1st episode of the new Doctor is a very sweet one and reminds me a bit of, "The Time Traveler's Wife" and "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy."

Now I want to build a Tardis, well I've always wanted one anyway, but I love this new one and I think it would be perfect for me to put in a chair and small desk to write my books and dream and nap.

http://tardisbuilders.com/index.php?topic=289.0

Oh, and sitting on my writing desk, next to my MacBook Pro, monitoring my writing and making sure that I am aware that "I'm a madman with a box" is the Time Lord himself!

http://www.thinkgeek.com/geektoys/collectibles/d858/

Checkout this documentary, "The Story of Doctor Who"

Now, back to reality; I just watched this BBC film, totally dug it and must say this was the best documentary about UFOs, the people that look for them and those that have found them, I've ever seen. Also, it has the absolute best soundtrack, I have every song! "BBC Documentary I Believe in UFOs" It's in 6 parts.

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Hey! I'm on TV again! Now that's awesome programming!

Very excited to announce; My appearance on the TV series, "My Ghost Story" airs July 17th on the Biography Channel, check your local listings! I am available for interviews about this event for press, print, radio, tv and all other media. Just email me lentz2001@yahoo.com

I don't have cable, dish, nuthin'... How am I gonna see myself on this show?

Tried to go to some yard sales over the weekend, but it was raining, tried to go to the thrift stores I like, but they've gone out of business, went to buy some cards, but the store was out, went walking in the rain, then hurt my foot slipping off a curb... I wish you were here, I just know my luck would improve 100% with you near me!

Okay, I'm a wimp. I admit it! When it's 70 Degrees I just turn on the A/C... There!

It felt pretty good though with all the rain, but it gets muggy quick! I just love these tornado weather temperatures!

Went shopping over the weekend, as I got out of my car, on the pavement was a gift card to the store, I took it in with me and when I paid... It covered all but 88¢ of my $49 grocery purchase!!! Almost free! I think "The Secret" is working in my life!

13 Shopping Days until my 29th Birthday!!! Be unique and give me something you've made or something that tells me about the real you! I can't wait!

The stats for my http://www.JerryLentz.com have been shooting through the roof! If you are reading my words on one of the numerous other sites then you haven't seen these most likely, please checkout some of my latest posts, they have great videos and teasers from my upcoming books:

http://jerrylentz.blogspot.com/2010/05/listening-to-him-on-radio-as-she.html

http://jerrylentz.blogspot.com/2010/05/does-thought-of-ex-ever-suddenly-pop.html

http://jerrylentz.blogspot.com/2010/05/she-was-walking-through-neighborhood.html

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She was walking through the neighborhood with her girlfriends. They were talking about school, summer vacation, painting flowers on the VW van in wild colors and the boys they'd meet at the bonfire down at the lake.

Janelle's thoughts however, were on Timothy, when they were in the hammock last night and how it felt when his warm hand held her breast.

The Cowsills - The Rain, The Park & Other Things

Timothy worked the register at the BBQ joint.

He hated the smell. He hated the people that ate there. He hated the rain. He hated the noise when he tried to sleep. He hated that he lived near the Sangbong Terminal in Jungnang-gu. He hated that she left him for his best friend. He hated that he felt things.

He knew he had been programed poorly because what creator would do this to his child?

Radiohead - Paranoid Android

Em's lover was far away.

She ached for him, his voice, his touch, his sweet way. She would cry all day and dream of him at night. She was weakened and broken by his absence. Em found no sunshine, no beauty, no brightness to her drab life without him between her legs, in his arms, on her lips.

She was killing time until their next embrace.

The Cure - Prayers For Rain

The surge of affection she felt for him was at first frightening, but as it poured over her like cool rain Beth realized her love for him would change how she viewed everything in her life. Her love for him spread the clouds apart and the warm white healing ejecta fanned across the contours of her glistening body.

ELO - Mr. Blue Sky

On our way back from Vegas we veered off onto a desert road.

Isolated, no lights, and stars like glitter scattered across us overhead. Night air was cool, the car hood warm as I leaned her over the fender and lifted her skirt. She moaned through her smile as I squatted to pull her panties down.

I saw the reflection of a shooting star in the polished car body. She stepped out of her Agent Provocateurs and holding her ankles I spread her legs apart and licked her as two curious coyotes watched from the rocks.

Sting - Desert Rose

Does the thought of an "ex" ever suddenly pop into your head when you least expect it causing you to shudder violently and exclaim, "WTF was I thinking?"

I wish there was something like what they had in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" where you could delete certain people from your memories!

Sometimes I think thoughts can stalk you, too!

If my life were a film, I would love to cut out the boring, sad, painful parts and edited all the good times back to back, have an awesome soundtrack and hire a better prettier sexier actor to play me.

I read that "we are who and what we surround ourselves with," so name some things that makes you happy and maybe you'll build a good list of things to surround yourself with?

Let's see if I can really dig deep with one item that makes them truly happy, I have one thing that's made me happier than I've ever been in my whole life.

The love of my life...

Listening to him on the radio as she dressed for school, his voice was in her head.

"I'll always love you," she told him.

Years later and thousands of miles apart, her voice was in his head. Lost and lonely, angelic powers conspired to reunite these fractured souls, their fingers meshed, lips reclaimed, bodies entwined, and sadness obliterated by the strong winds of permanence and shuddering ecstasy.

Frankie Goes To Hollywood - The Power of Love

Summer vacation was days away and he'd be all hers.

"I'm going to Paris to stay with my father," he told her with his warm cheek pressed to the side of her neck.

Ripples of panic radiated up her spine. Alarms rang in her throbbing head. Her world was collapsing. What was she going to do? What could she do to get him to stay, keep him away from those French girls, or at least make him remember her?

U2 - A Day Without Me

Polly was by a fountain on campus looking at him. He was in town for a book signing. He wondered if she'd be there, if she had read the passages about his love for her, how she had gone off to college while he had left for the city. He had married and divorced since they last spoke, yet she had always been in his heart.

That night they were together again after all those years, in her bed. She was on him. He was in her. They had imagined this action a million times.

Her feelings and longing for him had nothing to do with reason, in a blur of swirling emotions she cried and whimpered, "Did she love you? Was she good for you? Did she hold you like I do now?"

Sinéad O'Connor - Troy

Look into my eyes and realize the power I have over you!

Talked to an old friend. Hadn't talked to him in years!

Out of the blue he contacted me, and that was odd because I bet 50 minutes hadn't passed after I last thought of him, then he emailed me. It was wild! We picked right back up where we left off 20 years ago. It was a blast talking with him!

He had some suggestions for things I might want to explore in my life. He and I used to work together, live together and hang out together. We have an amazing past of strange, hilarious and unusual events. He's one of my favorite people. So he knows me well and knows my skills and what I'm good at doing. He suggested I go to this school he knows about with a rigorous training program in Hypnosis! He's a former student.

He's been running his own practice for about 7 years now and loves it. He feels I could do the same thing and become a great stage hypnotist because of my stand up comedy background.

I've known some great hypnotists in my day because I used to have them on as guests at the various radio stations I worked at and always enjoyed them. I've tried several times to be hypnotized, but they always failed, or rather I failed as I believe I have a major trust issue. I'm pretty good with self hypnosis as I've voiced many hypnosis and guided meditation CDs and DVDs for clients. I guess I trust myself more than some stage hypnotist in an old tuxedo smelling like cigarettes.

My friend really sold me on the idea, knowing what I'm capable of doing and how I could take my caring personality and use the skill of hypnosis to help people. I contacted the school, and to travel there and stay in a motel during the training to get certified will cost me about $3000!

I'm hoping to raise that amount in the next few weeks because the classes are soon and will be filling up. Maybe if I sell everything I own and do another month-long fast, I can save up the money?

If I had the hypnosis skills now, with the power to cloud men's minds, I could just ask and they'd give me their money! Wouldn't you like that? Then send me the money.

http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/575769/derren_brown_mental_mugging_russian_gy...

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I think cinema has damaged me, because life can't live up to it.

Today I watched, "Henri Langlois: Phantom of the Cinematheque" which I've seen before, but I was polishing my shoes and had it running in the background, as some random video wallpaper, and he said something that caused me to pause and think. It was in reference to one not knowing the value of a film. He was talking about collecting films and early on he had dismissed some that later turned out to be of great value and he had let it pass, it became a lost film and never had forgiven himself. So he said take it all, keep it all, throw nothing away, cause you never know how it will be viewed in the future.

Again, he was talking about film, but I have been troubled by some thoughts these last few days about making certain decisions in my life and not knowing if I was making the right choices. Would this path lead to a dead end where I would only hurt myself or have my heart broken? I have been very introspective as of last. Well, as I always am, actually. Thinking about choices I'd made, or had made for me in the past that lead me to great pain and wanting to make sure I make the right choices now and not knowing if I'm doing the right thing or not, has been weighing heavily on my mind. When I heard him say what he said about collecting films, it was like he was talking to me about life, emotions, living...! Take it all. Feel it all... Heartache and Joy, Love and Anger, Sickness and Health, own it and throw nothing away, no regrets, cause you won't know the value of it all until later.

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I think I want to be a paperback writer of dirty romance books!

As you know, I write a lot, everyday, all the time… Some stuff, I never show anyone!

If you're my Facebook friend you see some of my lil' mini-romance stories. I have a huge collection of my writings. If you'd come over to my house, I'd pour some wine and read to you.

I have a lot of writer friends, many of them very famous, even you'd have heard of them, they say nice and encouraging things to me about my writing. Maybe I can be a Romance Writer? 

Here's a few lil' nuggets.

Hot tears rolled down her cheek. Her heart squeezed in anguish as she realized he wasn't there and would never be there again. The memory of his face haunted her. Blood throbbed as her body recalled his powerful touch. The mocking voice of failure inside her head was interrupted by her bedroom window blowing open, she turned and in the billowing curtains, silhouetted by the full moon, he stood. "I've come for you."

Shannon sat in the passenger seat of the idling Maverick. In the rear-view mirror she checked the effect of her eyeliner. Hank ran to the door. Tossed a brown paper bag of cash on her lap. Floored it. Looking down, she saw the wet outline of his sweaty palm on the crinkled bag. Looking at him she saw a stain of blood from a chest wound spreading across his white tee and she knew they weren't going to make it to the club.

Her thoughts fragmented as my hands and lips continued their hungry search. Warm air rippled across her skin. She felt passion rising in her like the hottest fire, clouding her brain as waves of heat coursed down the entire length of her body. She yielded to my power. She was mine. She will always be mine.

Her greenhouse it was humid and immediately we began to sweat. Nipples pushed through her tight top. She pulled me onto the soft bags of peat moss, tore my shirt, undid my pants, lifted her skirt, and pulled her panties aside. Pumps kicked on, water sprayed plants and us, in ecstasy her nails clawed the bags of soil that turned to mud as I spread my seed on her.

Okay, there ya go.

Saw an interview with Helen Gurley Brown, who said when her man came she'd rub his baby sauce all over her face because there's no beauty cream in the world better for a woman's face and my friend Jessica said, "when she got really old, she did look wrinkly - is that because the only spunk she got to rub on her face then was from old men?"

But I think she's a hot old broad and I used to read her work when I was a kid. 

It will be tough for me as a writer, cause I suck at typing! I was just emailing a friend about how I want to "learn how to swim in a pool" but I typed, "I want to learn how to swim in poo." 

Awaiting a response on that there email.

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Today is truly the 1st day to a New Life for me!

Sure it could be chemicals, hormones, hypnotic suggestions, electrical neural processes, anything, but I'm happy to be feeling the way I do!

There is an amazing sense of weightlessness. It's almost an unbearable lightness of being. A glow, a halo, a light that sifts through me and blankets me in a field of comforting energy.

I can't explain it any other way than to say it's, LOVE.

I have a really strong feeling that starting with today, this week will be the best week we'll have for at least the next 7 days! I couldn't be more excited! The future is easing toward me with many well lit paths, cool breezes, happy handshakes, warm hugs and hot kisses.

The future's for discovering the space in which we're traveling!

Friends from my past are finding me. Love thought lost has returned. Those that have known me and understand me are welcoming me back into their thoughts and hearts. Time has folded back onto itself. I am a time traveler repairing faulty choices. 

I am young again!

I have ascended into a realm where life aims to compete with dreams. Where I am now, I see love is the great eraser on a blackboard of sad memories. Love is filling the potholes on the boulevard of broken dreams. Love is the magnet that pulls two lost puzzle pieces from the void, brings them together again in a perfect fit to complete the beautiful picture.

Love is a key to the lock that is the mystery of all that is.

Something amazing is about to happen!

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Happy Mother's Day!

So many Moms are loved and taken care of today, with lunches and dinners and gifts and kisses...

I'd like to offer a toast to all the lonely young single moms out there with no one to appreciate the care they give, the work they do, the dinners they make and sacrifices they've made to make their children smart and healthy!

I have a nice bottle of Alien Red Wine with a red flying saucer on it's label. It's suppose to be out of this world, but because I'm still on my diet I can't drink it. I thought maybe you could get a sitter and I'd pour you several glasses and you could tell me all about your dreams, your hopes and what I may be able to do to relieve your tension.

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Found my diary in a box of cobwebs. Sitting on the tailgate of a rusted truck, I read about the old barn where we undressed each other, where I kissed her, the jar of honey, the smell of hay, the rain that came, the deafening storm, the tears she cried when I said I was moving away and the years of numbing silence that followed. Leaning on a post of a barbed-wire fence looking at that very barn, I'm now wondering if she's far away from here and how can I find her?

Amoreena - Elton John

After the play, the cast went to Courtney's house for drinks. There I met Justine. She was tall, thin, big black Texas hair, white top and a long burgundy chiffon skirt. Standing in the hallway looking at an Warhol print of Jackie Onassis, she turned to me and said, "My mother loved her, always wanted to be like her, so she too died of non-Hodgkin's lymphoma."

Human Sexual Response - Jackie Onassis

Tom loved Anna in school, but she was with Brad, yet he caught her looking over Brad's shoulder, as they danced at the prom. He looked her straight in the eye. She didn't look away for a long time. Brad died in the Gulf War. She raised her daughter alone. His wife was killed by a drunk driver. He and his son bumped into her and her girl at the mall. His son later took her daughter to the prom. Tom and Anna have been seen holding hands in the park.

Blondie - Maria

46 year old Harry Kent awoke from a daydream at his desk at work in a company he hated, working for bosses 20 years his junior, in an industry he despised, the realization continued to expand to include knowing he had married the wrong woman, had the wrong children, had the wrong friends and today was the day he would do something about it.

The Marmalade - Reflections Of My Life

I grew up watching the Shaw Brothers films, so I'm very excited to post this wonderful BBC documentary!

Great documentary by the BBC on Godzilla, fantastic interviews and wonderful stories.

Very excited by this News! Thanks, Shout! Factory. I'm excited about the new transfers, extras and hope the sales of these will inspire Shout Factory to release the earlier and rarer Roger Corman films. I hope!

Okay, so my Birthday is coming up, you have 23 days to figure out what you're either giving me, or what you're gonna do for me! If you wanna run some ideas by me, please do so.

Remember, I'm very important in your life!

Is not getting caught in a lie, the same as telling the truth?

I hadn't seen the movie in a few years, but always liked it a lot. Robert Redford plays Joe Turner, a CIA researcher who returns from lunch to find all his co-workers killed. In the next 72 hours, everyone will try to kill him. He kidnaps a young beautiful and fragile photographer, Faye Dunaway and holds her hostage until he can unravel the mystery. His job is to read books, newspapers, and magazines from around the world looking for hidden meanings and codes. He files a report to CIA headquarters on a low-quality thriller novel his office has been reading, pointing out strange plot elements, and the unusual assortment of languages in which the book has been translated even though the book had very little sales. Why would there be so many versions of a poor selling thriller? Turkish but not French, Arabic but not Russian or German, Dutch, and Spanish, he stumbles onto something.

"Listen. I work for the CIA. I am not a spy. I just read books! We read everything that's published in the world. And we... we feed the plots - dirty tricks, codes - into a computer, and the computer checks against actual CIA plans and operations. I look for leaks, I look for new ideas... We read adventures and novels and journals. I... I... Who'd invent a job like that." “I just read books!”

The film was adapted from the novel. "Six Days of the Condor" by James Grady. Directed by the late great Sydney Pollack who died May 26, 2008. Max Von Sydow is fantastic. He plays a character you'll never forget. He's so good the character has been ripped off in so many movies. His character Joubert, gets an awesome moment in the film to let Redford know what the future holds for him if he stays in America: "It will happen this way. You may be walking. Maybe the first sunny day of the spring. And a car will slow beside you, and a door will open, and someone you know, maybe even trust, will get out of the car. And he will smile, a becoming smile. But he will leave open the door of the car and offer to give you a lift."

It’s been 35 years since this movie came out and people do not trust the government anymore today than in the 70’s, probably less. Yes, I'm very sure it's less, much less!

This film was way ahead of it's time, with a line like this, "Do we have plans to invade the Middle East over oil?"

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This guy is one of my heroes. His work is amazing!

He's a new kind of modern journalist, one we need more of, I believe. You might think he just makes documentaries, but I would suggest they are so much more than that. His title is, BBC film essayist, he is Adam Curtis.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/adamcurtis/

His film, "Pandora's Box" looks at the intimate relationship between science and politics over the last fifty years with communism in the Soviet Union, systems analysis and game theory during the Cold War, economy in the United Kingdom during the 1970s, the insecticide DDT, Kwame Nkrumah's leadership in Ghana during the 1950s and 1960s and the history of nuclear power.

His film, "The Mayfair Set" looks at how buccaneer capitalists were allowed to shape the climate of the Thatcher years, focusing on the rise of Colonel David Stirling, Jim Slater, James Goldsmith, and Tiny Rowland, these four leaders of the free market came to dominate world politics in the 60s and 70s and who hangout at the same private casino, The Clermont Club.

His film, "The Century of the Self," a personal favorite of mine, begins with the establishment of the first PR company by Sigmund Freud's nephew, then flows into global psychological manipulation, mind control and the powerful political focus groups of the 90s. Robert Reich in appearing in the film, says clearly and precisely, that, "if these politicians only stand for what the pollsters tell them to stand for, then what do they stand for?"

His film, "The Power of Nightmares" compares how the beliefs of the neoconservative and Islamic fundamentalist movements, are very close and how they mutually benefit from the use of fear to subjugate the masses. Controversially, it argues that the threat of radical Islamism as a massive, sinister organized force of destruction, specifically in the form of al-Qaeda, is a myth perpetrated by politicians in many countries, particularly American Neo-Conservatives in an attempt to unite and inspire their people following the failure of earlier, more Utopian ideologies.

He uses found footage and existing soundtracks, such as the music of John Carpenter films and mash ups the visual and audio to weave his tales much like a music producer hunts for the prefect sample, beats, and loops all the while he scours the BBC archives for the most amazing images to tell his story. He also does his own narration. His programmes express a clear and sometimes very controversial opinion about their subject.

Several times after seeing his work, I've been unable to sleep, worrying about our future and my place in it. I'm typing this now when I should be sleeping because I've just watched his awesome film, "The Trap" about individual freedom and what our leaders promise to give us, how we think of ourselves, how we go to war to impose freedom around the world. But what freedom actually means for us today, is a strange and limited kind of freedom. Maybe it's not freedom at all? Real freedom would possibly be something very frightening.

I have only included the first episodes of each, or a trailer, it will take a bit of navigation for you to find the rest, Google his videos, seek his work out, because it would be well worth your effort to find them as these films are currently unavailable, as far as I know, on DVD. Prepare for an eye opening and mind blowing experience that is the work of Adam Curtis.

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Sometimes people just walk up and touch me!

Sometimes woman who feel empowered or are just psychotic hug me, then reach down and grab my crotch. Inappropriate! Unless they're Hot! I know most of the time it's for a laugh, but I used to be freaked out by it when it would happen. It's happened quite a bit lately, maybe it's my weight loss, or it's because I wear the Axe Dark Temptation, a chocolate-fragrancedbodyspray that makes me as irresistible as chocolate to women, but when it gives out after an hour or so, it smells like toxic ass. I mean, it may be just me, because of my whole diet of tuna and fish oil pills, but Jeez Louise... I go from women hugging and smooching on me to cats following me and to cats pouncing me and making biscuits on my chest.

I hardly notice the fishy smell, but does anyone really notice their own smell? My allergies are so bad, I actually sneezed out part of my spine! Not only are my eyes watering, nose running, sinuses stopped up, but I'm also two feet shorter!

I'm taking Claritin D, but I'm looking to find something called, Sinucomp, I think that's what it's called. My life, when it comes to breathing is miserable right now.

It's May, the month I was born! So I am happy that it's May. A beautiful month it is. It sounds so helpful and giving, like, "May I help you?" However, for me this month is also rather sexy, such as, "May I help you out of your panties?" So we should feel good, it's a happy month! Now kiss me!

Sometimes my personal space is invaded by people that are near-sighted and can only see things close up, so they get real close. I had an acquaintance actually lay her head on my shoulder the other day. I may have already told you about it. People generally feel really comfortable around me, unless they are unsure of themselves, or unable to control their emotions and fear what their capable of doing. Babies seem to dig me! Hardly a day goes by that I don't see a cute lil' baby smiling and waving at me. Many times kids will walk right over and either hug my leg or punch me in the nuts. But I know that the nut punch is only to bend me over so that my face is closer to theirs and they can kiss me on the head.

You'd think with my shaved head Black ladies might think I'm a skinhead, but many times they get all flirty with me. On my trip through Mississippi the other day, at a convenience store paying for gas a nice Black girl said to the clerk, who was also a Black girl, "Mmm, I'd like to get me some of that White Chocolate!" I thought she was wanting some candy behind the counter, but upon closer inspection of the situation as I was sitting back in my car and could see them through the window looking at me, I realized, I was the "White Chocolate!"

At my local laundromat the other day the severally Christian Lady that works in there said, to me, "Here's comes that fine bald head!" "Who me?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I just love men who have pretty bald heads and Gray beards. Just LOVE them," she continued all embarrassed by her outburst.

Now, I'm not telling you all this to try and convince you or convince myself that I'm Hot, I'm just saying maybe it's because it's the month of May and it's a magical time, or it's the allergies, or the pollen, or whatever is that's like those love potion spores that Spock got sprayed with from those plants on the Hee-Haw-like planet that made him get all horny, that could be affecting everyone. Or maybe I'm just hot?

Just at the Goodwill store yesterday, I was looking at books, a woman came over, stood by me, then looped her arm around mine and asked, "What do we want for supper?" I said, "Not sure." Her face turned bright red from embarrassment and she apologized endlessly and then she found her husband and told him. It was cute.

They were both very sweet about it. He was just shaking his head like he knew she was crazy. I guess I could have had a free dinner if I had played it right? And by the looks of her and her hubby, they like to eat, so it could've been some good cookin'. I really missed out.

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I'm always suspect of people that don't dig The Walken.

I for one, have loved Christopher Walken since I first saw him. Sometimes the movies don't hold up to him, sometimes he's way more memorable than the film, there are times he completely changes the material and makes it his.

If I mention him to someone and they go, "Oh yeah, 'More Cowbell!'" I know they're amateurs and don't deserve to find the delicate nuances and jazz-like performances of his more interesting roles. Sometimes, I find Christopher Walken to be a deal breaker in romance. Once a young lady and I were going to see a showing of "King of New York," it was a double bill with "The Addiction" and I was all excited because there was all the certainty in the whole world that after the movies we were going to be having sex. However, after "King of New York," ended she turned to me and said, "Yeah, let's go back to my place, I'll light some candles, heat up the meatloaf, have some wine, we can get in the tub..."

"But "The Addiction" is about to start! It's great! I've seen it 3 times, you'll dig it!" I told her.

"Honey, I think I'm tired of Walken, I'd rather lay down with you," she whispered in my ear.

"You don't really like Christopher Walken, do you?" I asked her.

"Well, I guess I just don't see the big deal. He's the same in every movie, really."

That was it!

I could go into greater detail, but I had her call a girlfriend and I watched her climb in the car that pulled up as I watched from the lobby and then returned to my seat happy to have unloaded that burden from my life. Models are pretty to look at, for sure, but most have no sense of what's important in the world.

When I was a kid, the first time I remember seeing Christopher Walken and having to find out who that guy was, was when PBS aired the American Playhouse short directed by Jonathan Demme and adapted from Kurt Vonnegut's, "Who Am I This Time?" I loved that show! I remember telling my friends all about it. It blew me away! That was the life I wanted to live, acting in community theatre and living in a sweet cool little town. I hadn't seen the film since, but I just found it on Netflix Instant View, so I watched it again, and yes, it's a lil' dated and rough, but so well worth watching because the young Walken is amazing as a shy clerk playing Stanley in "A Streetcar Named Desire" opposite a captivating Stella, played by a beautiful Susan Sarandon.

Watching it, all those dreams of performing came back, or making theatre happen, creating a group and putting on a show, it brought back all those memories of running the acting workshops in Dallas and Los Angeles and boy, do I miss that! I began wondering if having watched this PBS show as a kid influenced me in some way and that's how all that happened?

I also began wondering how I could get all that back? How could I find a way to make a living, in a small town, putting on shows in a community theatre and trying to create some good memorable work?

After watching it and looking at my bank account now that rent is due, utilities are due and there's no food in the kitchen, I became very depressed and threw all care for keeping up appearances out the window and overcame the fear of ridicule and posted my situation on Facebook. I held my hat out. I opened my heart. I asked my fellow man for help. I said, "Hey, I need a job! I've had several gigs collapse on me recently and need some funding for my other projects, like moving, oh and I need to eat and stuff... Know of any possible jobs, or good connections to jobs, or any money making ideas?"

I know people will pass right over that like they didn't see it. They will try and find a way to make a joke out of it. They will be hurtful and mock and kick a guy when he's down, because it will make them feel better. So many artists I know have other jobs that they hate, sometimes, to fund the art they do that doesn't always sell, but they're forced to do it because that's what they have to do. A true artist must create, sales of that work has nothing to do with it! Most people have no idea what I'm talking about. That burning inside to show something, to put yourself out there in words, or paint, or whatever way you need to express regardless of it supporting you. You will scrounge money to make it happen like the junkie will lie, cheat and steal to get his fix. You demand your creation into existence! You have to pull lightening down from Heaven by shear will. Force of intention! You imagine that work, that dream, that song, it's in you and you have to act fast or it moves on to the one that will make it be. You want it to be you! It has to be you that gives birth to it! It is your child, but if that child doesn't bring you money, you don't hate it, or throw it
away, you have to spent money on it to raise it and watch it grow and become something else, something more.

"There were years when I didn't do anything but collect unemployment. I worked a lot, but I worked for nothing. I worked for 15 years as a kind of janitor at the Actors Studio. I would do manual things. I did lots of plays, theater workshops, for nothing. If you want to learn how to build a house, build a house. Don't ask anybody, just build a house," Christopher Walken said that.

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Happy May Day to all my fellow Workers!

May 1st, known as "May Day," throughout the entire world, is for working people to celebrate their strength and demand concessions from their government. Rarely do we here in the U.S. make such demands because we fear our government.

In more than 140 countries, May 1 is celebrated as a workers' holiday. Believe it or not, May Day started in the U.S. in 1886 when American labor organizations called a general strike, beginning on May 1, to demand the eight-hour workday. On May 4, 1886, Chicago police opened fire on the strikers in what is known as the Haymarket Massacre. Today we celebrate May Day, or International Workers' Day, in honor of the Haymarket martyrs and the international working class. It is a day when workers throughout the world take to the streets to fight against exploitation. So somewhere in our history, maybe your great great grandfather and grandmother fought so you could have the luxury to sit on your ass playing World of Warcraft, texting your friends, watching "American Idol" and letting your government siphon you and keep you in a constant state of hypnosis just like the aliens did in "The Matrix." They distract you from the fact you are a slave. They make you work to support ridiculous wars that they've also made you believe in, they make you believe a two party system wrestling match works, so they could take your money no matter who you think is in charge and give it to banks, big business and corporations who let executives make huge profits while kicking workers out onto the streets. All the while they make you believe it's the fault of the Unions.

Our ancestors should be ashamed of us!

The origin of the May Day as a day for celebration dates back to the days, even before the birth of Christ. And like most ancient holidays and festivals it also has a Pagan connection.

For the Druids of the British Isles, May 1 was when the festival of Beltane held. It was thought that the day divides the year into half. In those days the May Day custom was the setting of new fire. The fire itself was thought to lend life to the sun.

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