Calmly move forward without making any sudden movements and make friends with it. It will sense fear, so smile and then soothe it by kissing and gently blowing on it. Yes, I know... It's the New and Improved Jerry Lentz! It's funny, a friend just took some rather rock n' roll pics of me and I was thinking of posting them here, but I was a tad bit worried. I hope no one makes fun of me! I have to admit I had fun during the photo-shoot! I got all hot, sweaty and wet under the lights. She was trying to build her portfolio and wanted to play around. She had me in various stages of undress. Using her camera like David Hemmings in Michelangelo Antonioni's "Blow Up" she moved all over me, above me and she knelt below me. She put rings on my fingers. I never wear any jewelry, not sure why. She put her watch or bracelet on me. She was fast! She too, was getting hot. She took off her shirt and worked in her white tank-top. She twisted her red hair up and tied it in a knot on her head with long thin tendrils, wisps of hair flowing on both sides of her face. Her long beautiful neck reminded me of someone else. She asked me to think of someone I love very much.
"Imagine you've just laid her on a table, spread her legs open and had your way with her and now you look down at her nude body and you're satisfied by your accomplishment," she told me as she clicked the shots. It was so hard. It was long. It took time. She took control, she grabbed me, she manipulated me, she pulled on me, but it was so great! At first, I felt uncomfortable, but as the music played, I got into it. I felt wanted, desired, loved, I even felt sexy for a brief time. She had no trouble putting her hands on me and moving me around, if I didn't understand what she wanted. She even reached over and unbuttoned my pants and unzipped them. I was taken aback by that, as I wasn't wearing underwear at the moment because of costume changes, but she was fast and determined and I could tell she know what she was doing. She worked me like a pro. Very hands on. She made me feel great. Whenever she'd open her mouth, I knew I was about to get a great idea. She was coming fast and furious with ideas. When she was finished, she quickly packed up, there wasn't a lot of chit-chat, no small talk, she just wanted to go home and go to bed. I didn't know what to say. When I walked out into the parking lot to get in my car she shouted that she'd send me one of the good pics tonight in an email and added, "If there are any good pics, darling!" The photo you see is the first one she sent and I kinda like it. I guess it could be homoerotic. Stick an arrow in me and it's rather St Sebastian-like. And if a Gay guy likes it, I will count myself lucky, because they can be so critical. There's really only one person's opinion about it that even matters to me and I hope she finds it great and fun and loves it. I know what I was thinking the instant this photo was taken. I was thinking about a girl I've loved since she was 16 years old, the letter I got from her, the smell of the letter, her handwriting, the paper she made that it was written on and thinking of her nude body laying across that table with her ankles in my hands and I'm looking down at her and I'm satisfied by my accomplishment.
...penis in my pants in this picture! They emailed me after I had posted it on Facebook. Embarrassed then, I deleted it, but looking back I wasn't sure why that bothered me. Why would I be embarrassed because of that? That would be a compliment, right? I can see that it's simply the lighting and the fact my once tight jeans, a gift from a very fashionable gal, had become baggy on me. I never noticed it when I first saw the picture. You most likely didn't either. These girls like to pick on me, so they look for anything. They like to say dirty things to me, write me nasty stuff and try and get me all upset. I try and ignore them, but they seem to know just what to say to get me frustrated.
Only took the picture, so I could play around trying to make smoke and fire and mystical colors, but I'm also hiding the mess in the place I live. I hadn't intended on anyone seeing it. I was just playing around. Then the more I looked at myself in the photo, the more I liked my new look. I just needed smaller jeans! Last night before bed, I was going through boxes of old clothes and found some jeans I had from 20 years ago. I remember the day and the store I bought them. I don't now why I still had them, but I easily fit into them. It's hard to let good old jeans go. To say goodbye to your favorite pair of pants, is so hard. It was like going back in time when I stepped into them! I began thinking about what I was doing when I had bought these jeans. Who I had been with at the time. Where I was in these jeans. Who I was then. The story these jeans could tell. There needs to be a photo of me in those old jeans, they're tight!
...but it may return as it has before. I'm hopeful though. Today, after almost 6 Days of zero sleep, strange and wild hallucinations, a very dear girl called and offered to sing to help me. First, let me say her sweet mother knew of my condition and even knows I'm an atheist, yet her church set about unbeknown to me until later last night, to have an intensive pray session to help with my troubles. This sweet baby called me from her garden, where I could hear birds chirping and began singing to me over the phone. How awesome is that? It's the most beautiful voice in the world! An Angel singing to me! I would love for you to hear her, but maybe it's only for me now. I'm okay with not sharing at this moment. Acapella and over the phone, the connection wasn't great, but it was heaven's choir shining love onto me!
In bed, I stared at the ceiling thinking of her singing to me, how amazing it is someone cared enough about me. After about 3 hours my mind shut down and I slipped into a very deep sleep filled with pleasant happy dreams. Awaking and trying to remember the dreams, I began thinking about her and how better the world is to have her in it, to do that and tell her family and friends to pray for me, taking time out of all the troubles in their lives and the worries of the world, to try and help me. It makes me feel 1000ft tall! Trying so hard to hang onto that wonderful feeling, it begins slipping away as a storm approaches. Loud thunder shakes my house. Power flickers off and on, the Internet goes off and after a few hours comes back. The feeling moves away the more I reach for it. I see on the calender rent is near again, even though the last rent has gone unpaid. The jobs I had picked up fell through, unpaid, scams, schemes, shysters... I'm adrift again with utilities and phone disconnections close. There are spiders on the walls and two big black ones in the tub. They are spinning a web for me. When I do sleep again, they will cocoon me, lay their eggs inside me and little spider babies will hatch out of me and eat me alive! Outside a drunk drives his truck into the middle of an intersection feet from my front door, blocking another car with his girlfriend and her grown son. The drunk man gets out screaming and fighting with her son, punches thrown, clothes ripped, knife pulled and gun drawn. I view this from the crack in my barely open door. The fight continues for several minutes with not a Police vehicle ever approaching. Even with talking to a friend long distance while this episode was happening, my happiness is fading, my sense of safety, which I never had is remote at best and my hopes for a brighter future begin to dim as I wonder if I will survive much longer. A sense of impending doom moves across my soul like a hot thick black old wool blanket ready to smother me. I feel muscles tightening, nerve endings being compressed in my spine, intestines knotting, stomach acids bubbling, I'm walking into a dark cave in an already dark jungle, where demons are feeding on me, vampires are draining me and I know there is no exit for me. I'm moving forward, being pulled in, even as I try to look away, my feet are dragging, and I see there's no way to stop this from happening...
...last night, trying to help me fall asleep for the first time in 5 Days, it was a full moon, I have been hallucinating most of the day, images pop in an out of reality for me now, but they flicker, move and seem so real. I was doing chin ups trying to wear myself out and there was this gorgeous woman sitting on my couch in a pink tank-top and panties watching me and smiling. Later, this same sweet baby talking to me through the computer screen offered to put her mouth around my cock and relieve any tension that my body might have, so I could sleep. Suddenly she was touching me, I could feel it, I could smell her and taste her when she put her fingers in my mouth or kissed me. I know I was dreaming and I know I was awake, it was like they had merged. It was at first scary, but let's face it, I was having great sex! Am I stopping that? Hell no! Even after blowing my load all over my abs and feeling pleasantly exhausted, I still was unable to fall asleep. I see things moving out of the corner of my eye. It looks like black rats darting across the floor. I briefly saw a painting on the wall that I'm pretty sure wasn't there. I'm tripping out.
I've figured out how to control time! If there's a week sometime in your future and you want to slow it down so you can take time to smell the roses, so to speak... Do what I am unfortunately doing now. It has now been 5 days of no sleep. Can't sleep. I've even been taking drugs to sleep. Nothing. But time seems to be standing still for me! It can for you, too! Send $5 for free instructions now! I think I need someone sweet to sit next to me while I lay in bed, then she sings to me in her angelic voice as I drift off. Please undress me, put me in bed, hold me close, massage my pulled muscles and soothe my troubled mind, kiss me with your softest wet lips on my chest and stomach and tell me how much I mean to you. I've taken 3 Tylenol® PMs in the last 3 hours. Nothing. Every health food store items suggested to me haven't worked. I'm getting worried and I'm afraid the worrying is adding to whatever the trouble is. I will be popping the Melatonin here in a few. The only other drug that I use that might be contraindicated is Trifluoromethylphenyl, but I usual use that only if I playing some sweet tunes like this. I've taken so much Benadry® lately for my sinuses, I believe I've developed an immunity to it's ability to help me. Least that's what my nurse said, but then she might not really be there, because she also offered to blow me. Then again, that seems to happen in real life, too. I'm hoping this Melatonin does the trick, however I am available to receive your mouth of velvet, as well. I was just reading the "Ten Signs You are About to be Dumped" and figured I have experienced at least 15 of these! Have you ever taken a trip someplace you thought would be a great location to make a change in your life, to open up new possibilities, to awaken the sleeper within, only to find once you were there, it wasn't what you needed or wanted after all? I guess I should have closed my eyes when you drove me to the place where your horses run free. Cause I felt a little ill when I saw all the pictures of the jockeys that were there before me. Ever have a lover out of the blue tell you intimate things they've performed on past lovers? Why does it bother me to know how many guys have flung the frosting into the mouth of my current love? Why does she feel the need to tell me? Why can't I feel free to tell her about the time I tag-teamed a mother and daughter in the same night? Why can't I work it into a conversation as casually as she's able to plug in her stories? I know everything they've done in the past makes them who they are, but do I need to hear about all the on the job training that sharpened those skills? I've come to learn that whatever lover you find yourself with, whatever path of destiny it took for them to arrive at you, as the loved one they are, no matter their age, there's nothing sexual they haven't done already numerous times with others before you, no matter what they tell you. If they are telling you different, add lying to the list of things they do. It's all in the past! Time is a weird thing. I'm dealing with time and all it's permutations right now. It's like I'm Doctor Who and her pussy is the TARDIS! So why does it feel like cheating to hear about something in the past? I used to have a phobia about wearing used clothes that belonged to other, possible dead people. I have a germ phobia about pooping in a public toilet where other asses have sat and shat. Even buying a used car feels weird when one day reaching under the seat for those dropped car keys reveals a cigarette lighter from a past owner. Have you ever been making love to someone and momentarily your mind flashes back on an earlier love and in a moment of ecstasy you say the wrong name? So are you cheating with this person in the past? Is your heart a time machine that stays connected to the beats it marked out in time? Or is all time in fact happening right now? Oh, I know! It's the most horrible thing, this cheating. I think this is why I can't cheat, because I've been cheated on in the past, when I was young, I felt horrible, could never do it to someone else and so I will probably just face a future of being cheated on by various people. I've been reading up on skills people have to control their emotions, or rather just shut them down or build a wall around their heart to protect themselves and one way is to always have an "out" meaning that you have a friend that could be a lover, the "friend" you just haven't fucked yet, you've given them oral, (but that's not sex is it?) you have pals constantly waiting in the wings, so if you discover you're being cheated on, or you're getting bored, you can pull this one in from backstage and start anew with little pain to your heart. But really, that's just so much work, isn't it? So say you are in a relationship with a guy you feel in love with. Everything is great! You gave him the key to your heart. Then, as time goes by, it begins to wear you down like watching the same episode of a tv show you really did love once. You can pick out all the flaws and the bad acting and so to keep yourself happy, you start changing the channels looking for some excitement on other shows. Facebook is great for that! Old school friends, buddies, past co-workers, just keeping in touch, "Oh, I'm married, but let's get together for drinks after work" then bam! You are trying to fuck them even before a divorce is mentioned. Because in your mind, your marriage jumped the shark episodes ago, so it's not really cheating, is it? The heart wants what the heart wants! Maybe someday I'll be with a woman that will stick with me through all my insanity. But honestly, my insanity doesn't seem bad compared to all the angry, bitter, violent, alcoholic and drugged people out there... Maybe I'm too sane? In trying to toughen up and start building a fortress around my heart, I've learned to cut down on small talk, chit-chat, lovey dovey words, terms of endearment, and cut way back on the most over used 3 words ever, "I Love You," make your lover work for it. If you find dead air in your conversations, just keep your mouth shut, the first person to talk after silence is the loser. I'm not a loser anymore! I'm a winner! And Johnny, tell the home audience what Jerry Lentz has won! "Bob, Jerry Lentz has won as much pussy as he could ever want! He now knows what women want! He knows how to make a woman squirt! And knows where a woman's 'Little Man in the Boat' is and he knows the G-Spot inside and out! He can make a woman have multiple orgasms even if she's squeezed out a few puppies in her day, is all stretched out, full of cobwebs, and dry as a mummy's mouth! And all of this Pussy Showcase could be his if, the Price is Right!" I think one of the worst pick up lines I heard the other night was, "How did you get your roots so dark?" I guess it's not as classy as, "I'll give ya a nickel if ya tickle my pickle," which always works! Knowing me as you do, where in the world do you think I'd enjoy living the most? I've been living in my imagination far too long. No more Life of the Mind for me! I guess it's the real world for me from now on. The real pride swallowing, ball crushing, sorrow creating world! I'm gonna miss being fake! I fake it so real, I am beyond fake. It's raining really hard here! Thunder and lightning, too! I feel the urge to go stand in the rain, on high ground, and it will be like a Baptism washing my soul clean. Maybe the lightning will rewire circuits in me that need to be rerouted. I will start again a different man. Not enough storm, I guess. But I did get soaking wet! My cocktail got watered down, too. Nothing sadder than a grown man standing in a thunderstorm, soaking wet, holding a Mandarin Cosmopolitan with lightning all around him. I was given a free box of Krispy-Kreme glazed doughnuts. I took them anyway even though I can't eat them. So being bored I did the silliest thing, and tell me if you've done anything like this because I don't want to be the only one; I was getting out of my wet clothes, I was nude, I became aroused at the sight of my nude self in the mirror as I passed by, so I began stacking them doughnuts up on my erection like a toy ring toss tower. I got all 12 on there! Sticky! Had you been here you coulda had coffee and glazed doughnuts! It was fun! Sticky, but fun! I walked around, took pics and waited until they fell off one by one without using my hands as my wang slowly grew bored of the sweet and sticky and became deflated. They got a bit smashed down, but still all 12, cool right? Yeah, it looked like I had the Michelin Tire Man's Penis! Well, I'll send the photo to you in a message if you email me, I can't post it here, too many teens read my shit. Check out my abs though, I'm really looking good I think. I'm doing 30 chin ups a day and earlier I did 50! Try not to laugh at my hot body. I'm sensitive. I am fully nude here, so be careful and please don't share the photo with anyone else, okay?
Still having much difficulty sleeping as I think, Day 4 of no sleep approaches. Still with little idea as to what is troubling me, now new worries have surfaced that I am aware of and wish they hadn't revealed themselves to me. I have decided, I am sick of being sad, depressed, sensitive, caring, even loving and will set about to change all this immediately after realizing none of these things have ever ever helped me in any possible lasting way. I've been sad most of my life. Why? Who did it serve? What am I getting out of it? Attention can't be it, because everyone I know including me is sick of hearing about it.
Been depressed too long! I was told by many of the doctors in my past that I had very good reasons to be depressed, chemical imbalance wasn't one of the reasons unfortunately, otherwise I could fix that, I believe. One also told me my depression is a result of anger at myself. I wish for I could forgive myself for whatever the hell I did, because brother, I'm wasting valuable time in tears. I'm a pussy! A weirdo! A fag! A fatso! A freak! A retard! A kike! A nigger! A bald headed bastard! A honky! I've been called so many things it's unbelievable! I still can't believe I've been called a kike, a fag and a nigger, but I have, more than once each. I must be something different to each person that hates me. I'm like that poor Martian in the Martian Chronicles that becomes what everyone wants to see and ends up dead because of it. I'm like the Zelig character in the Woody Allen film. People hating me is one thing, but when people supposedly love you and say hurtful things, it's the worst! I remember and feel every horrible thing my dad called me. I remember all the horrible things girlfriends have said, too. I'm too sensitive! I know it! People sense it and get a thrill hurting me for fun. My dad you to call it, "Toughening Up!" People love to pretend they are being horrible for a good reason. It lets them off the hook. No guilt there. I'd have girlfriends tell me about how horrible their exes were to them, so the way these poor gals could feel better about themselves and get empowered was to use me as target practice for their outrage, because I was sweet, caring, loving and supportive and they felt safe to treat me like shit. Then they'd go spend their lives loving and living with the guy that beats them, calls them "cunts," rapes them... Man, have I been treating women the wrong way all my life or what? Everyday I learn what women really want, and it looks like it's not me. Why do I care so much? What has caring ever done for me? Everything I've ever cared about has hurt me at some point. I will trust no longer. I will care no longer. I will love no longer. Now I will see where this gets me in my new life, because I know where I am now from all the caring and all the hurting and all the loving I've experienced and that's fucking nowhere! Love is bullshit, we all know it. I guess I was fooling myself about it for all my life. It really is an illusion we make up in our heads to hypnotize ourselves into thinking the horrible day we are suffering through will be worth it because there are warm hugs and sweet kisses at the end of it. We adjust our lives, move like sharecroppers to where the crops are growing, once the love is gone, we move on. We move like artists to where the light is, where the sunflowers are, but once the painting is finished and no one buys what we've created, we are left hollow and unwanted. Love is like the oil slick. We think we need it. It's in demand. Soon our beautiful loving memories are tainted and stained like beaches. Pretty birds that soared in love are swallowed and smothered... and it keeps on moving. I just watched this episode, of Doctor Who, called, "Vincent and the Doctor" written by one of my favorite writers, Richard Curtis, featuring one of my favorite actors, Bill Nighy, and then Tony Curran plays Vincent van Gogh, at the end of this I was in tears. This episode is amazing, just trust me on it. If you missed it, find it! I really liked this one. I was so into it. Van Gogh is days away from suicide and Amy and the Doctor go back to help him fight a demon no one else sees. Is the monster Van Gogh's depression? He feels he's worthless because he can't make any money selling his paintings, he is treated so badly by the people around him, he's driven mad by his emotions, his talents, his loves... The monster tormenting Vincent was also alone and rejected by it's race just like he was by his and that's why he's the only one who could see it. I felt the show was very deep. I was moved at the end when Amy realized nothing they did made any difference in saving the great artist and essentially she asks, "...why, what's the point of it all?" The song "Chances" by the band Athlete plays at an emotional moment when the Doctor in Richard Curtis' words sums up life to basically being "shit happens" but far more eloquently which makes the Doctor and Curtis so cool. I like to think if the Doctor could hold my hand and walk me through the time line of my life like some nerdy ghost of xmas past, he'd be able to fix me. He might even say to me, "Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones... And I will try to fix you!" But it's more likely things are out of the Doctor's hands, just as they are with God's and even he can't save anyone, so he might just say to me, "And all the roads we have to walk are winding. And all the lights that lead us there are blinding. There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how."
It's Friday. The weekend is here. I'm healthy. I'm making new friends. Meeting new people. Got some cool movies to watch. I have air-conditioning. Yet, I feel something major is missing from my life. Something important.
Oh, I know... Sleep! Still not sleeping! I wish I had some friends with the kind of drugs I need to force myself to sleep. I have no idea what's troubling me. I feel I must be worried, or stressed about something, but what could it be? Am I worried about my future? Is it lack of money? Is it some kind of psychic premonition I have yet to define? I wish you could call me and sing me a song, or be here and tell me a story, or rub my back, or massage my worried brow, or just hold my hand and look at me. Tell me everything is gonna be okay.
Why? What did I ever do to it? Something serious is wrong with me, I can feel it. I just can't sleep! I feel like Christian Bale's character in "The Machinist," wasting away, half in the dreamworld and the other half lost someplace else. I start to drift off and something yanks me out of it. Some panic. It's like I might have seen something unveiled and it scared me, but when I come out of it, I've forgotten what I've seen. It really feels like some kind of changes are going on inside me on a subconscious level. Things are getting worked out. There's some kind of chaos brewing deep within. Something that isn't part of me. Something strange and alien. Am I losing my mind? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0fuHY4U1UA
I just need somebody kind and sweet and loving to hold me until I safely fall asleep. Then watch over me. My bed is big and empty and open with room to spread out, to toss and turn and flop about and I'm making it useful for just that. I want you to come with me to my bed and tell me a story, rock me in your arms, let me rest my ear to your breast and have your heartbeat lull me into a deep warm sleep so I can dream about you.
My grip was firmly on her hips and she was holding the wrought iron at the foot of the bed like they were jail cell bars. I found a joyous satisfaction in studying her perfect ass, as it rippled every time I slammed into her. In the mirror on the dresser I could watch the play of emotions move across her face. Reading in her expression that she was seconds from exploding I gave one big thrust and then... pulled out.
She quivered and convulsed and just before she lost it completely I quickly slid my wet self back into her with force and began rapidly pushing her again to that cloud, that storm, that eruption of lightning. I glanced at her face in the reflection for any possible sign of objection. There was none. She was mine. She caught my stare and sighed with a crooked smile of surrender. She was both excited and aggravated as I would bring her to the edge of coming and then stopping, denying her release, delaying her pleasure and then beginning the heavenly torture once again. Building up an unstoppable pressure inside her. Her head fell below my view in the mirror. I couldn't see my affect on her face. Was she giving up despite the moans of ecstasy she grunted out? I grabbed her hair and yanked her head back up where I could see her face. Strands of hair were matted against her wet face. Her red lipstick smudged. Mascara running under one eye. I pulled on her hair, her head raised up higher, her back arched as I pounded her and pounded her and pounded her more. I placed my hand around her throat, squeezed a bit, I could strangle her and she would let me. Her left hand slid up my arm to my hand that was around her neck and she peeled my fingers off her soft flesh and closed my hand and pushed my thumb into her mouth and began sucking on it. I could feel her wet mouth close around my thumb. Her tongue sliding all over it. Teeth gently gripping it, refusing to let it come out. If I pull out one more time before she came, my thumb, my hostage thumb, might be bit off in her warm and wet hostage negotiation. Reaching around her waist and down between her legs with my left hand, my fingers spread her wet lips apart and found the button. Her face in the mirror, sucking my thumb, eyes looking back at me, telling me to push it, rub it, do it, give her what she needs, her chest rising up and down, nipples hard and glistening, her face begging me, pleading with me not to stop, "give it to me, give it to me, give it to me..." I did! It was overwhelming, electricity coursed through the entire length of her being, muscles contracted and strained, coiled and relaxed, a type of Saint Vitus Dance sparked across her flesh in waves. My thumb popped out of her mouth like a cork, a loud wet sucking pop. Twisting at the waist she slapped the palm of her left hand to my chest and pried herself off the impalement and fell to the bed on her back, legs landed were they fell, limp and useless. The only muscles to operate functionally on her at the moment were those that controlled her eyes, looking up at me she panted, breasts rising and falling, while a small pool of sweat collected in her navel. Barely moving her lips, but with effort she breathed, "Did you come, baby?" "No... Not yet." I looked down at her for a moment then quickly grabbed her ankles and spread her legs open with aggression. She gasped. Her heart hammering in her ears and pounding in her breast. Her look was one of shock, surprise, and of being lost. There wasn't enough oxygen in her to think clearly, she was hyperventilating too much to talk her way out of what I was about to do, she would have to close her eyes and except her fate. She reached back behind her head to grab the iron bars of the bed and I lifted her up by her legs until her ass was off the sheets and I shoved my hard cock deep into her. Her calves on my burning forearms and her hips in my hot hands. I laid into her like a piston, machine-like, hard, relentless, wet with steam and unforgiving. This time was for me. Her pleasure was not even a remote concern. In the near distance, as her face and body fell out of focus, my thoughts blurred, and the cloud was approaching, sparks of lightning illuminated it from with in, the storm was building, angels were gathering, the sky was about to open up, heaven was parting, the stars began to explode in the bright red sky, the veil set aflame, the fabric of space ripped in shreds and became fuses sparking across the night and I unleashed my seed into her. Collapsing onto her breasts, she caressed my smooth shaved head, wrapped her legs around my waist, locking her ankles together, placed her palm on my face and said, "Shhhh, my sweet baby. It's all better now."
Everyone needs a hero sometimes and one of mine made it to a stamp! So because I love mailing postcards to friends when I could easily email and because of my Black Heritage, I was thrilled to find Oscar Micheaux at my Post Office today! When I find myself complaining about not getting money to make films, I think of Oscar. He made films when films were really hard to make and when not only being a filmmaker was tough, but being a Black Filmmaker would have been down right unbelievable. He's been an inspiration to me for years.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oscar_Micheaux My own filmmaking efforts hit a snag today when I was contacted by lawyers for Fox News saying I had used content that is owned or licensed by Fox and News Corp in my short film, "Saucer Boy" and it's true, I did. I knew it and really didn't care at the time. I suck that way sometimes. I was wrong and they were fair and balanced about it. I'm feeling great! Had a great day so far! I've lost so much weight I need to buy some new pants! These are all loose in the crotch and my junk flops around like a sausage in a plastic WalMart bag! Look, I'll show you! Just reach in there! Isn't that like trying to catch an Alabama Black Snake in an empty potato sack? Yes, it is! Where I'm currently sweating, we have a heat advisory and the heat index is 110 Degrees in my pants! Don't burn your mouth on it! A few weeks back an old friend's wife found a photographer on craigslist to shoot some boudoir or glamour photography of her as a gift to him on Father's Day. Cute idea, right? Her laptop froze and as he was fixing it he found over 100 pics of her having sex with other guys on the same set her gift to him was shot! What would you do if you found your spouse doing porn? Yeah, I got a voicemail about it. He said he hasn't confronted her about it yet. He wants custody of the baby and he's planning some kinda divorce strategy. This might get messy because she's been on some kinda prescribed medication since having the baby, so it might involve malpractice or something like it. I have so many married friends getting caught cheating that it scares me. How will I ever be safe? How will I even know if I'm going to be with a woman I can trust? Are we ever meant to be monogamous? Then why marry if we aren't? I know I'm a one woman man. I've never cheated. Yet, I feel I would be devastated if I were married and my wife cheated on me. Why is that? Why should I let something like that hurt me? Other than worrying about diseases and death from them, should I get all bent out of shape because my wife is out sleeping with strange people? Is it just me? Jealousy isn't something I've had to worry about in the last couple of decades. Well, there was that one time I pulled a muscle in my right hand and was force to use my left hand and that felt like cheating. But jealousy doesn't feel good. It's an unusual feeling to me. You just get eaten up inside and wonder how your loved one could do whatever it was they did to you and you're seething anger makes you a horrible monster saying horrible things and is any of that helping bring that person back to you? Does anyone learn their lesson after cheating? Your spouse can say, "I'll never cheat on you sweetie!" But then when they do it's like, "Opps, I'm bad, sorry. I guess I lied. Okay, now I will never cheat on you again, honey-bunch! Promise!" Yesterday was Summer Solstice, the longest day of the year! So I was doing the things I never have time to do and I did them with love! Did you have sex last night as part of the summer solstice celebration? If so, can you describe to me what sexual magic ritual you were performing and what you feel will come from doing it with me listening to the wishes you want your spells to make come true? Tell me what you want to come true now? Come on, I live through you! Knowing me as you do and knowing how I feel about you, share your first impressions of me and tell me how you feel about me now that we've grown so close. Please be gentle. I've been trying to come out of my shell after many many years of heartache. I'd hate to hear something that would hurt me and ruin all this hard work I've done to better myself so I could be a good strong man for you.
That's me modeling in the picture! Seriously! Don't you want a piece of that? Look at me for a second, please. Look how perfect that head is. He must be smart cause that head is huge, so the brain must be huge and he's got glasses on, so he's a reader, that's also very smart. Look how broad his shoulders are! Those big strong arms can wrap around you! Hug you! Lift you onto the bed! See those big delicate, well manicured hands and long tapered fingers, imagine them lightly caressing your nude body! Driving you insane! Look at his sleek 6 foot 2 inch body! Imagine him nude laying on top of you with your legs wrapped around his waist. Mmm, he's making me so fucking hot and I'm right here with him. I think he's ignoring me though, cause he's still typing. Okay, never mind, continue... His size 13 feet means of course he has a good foundation to stand on, and other things...
How can you just sit there? He's waiting for you! What? You think he's gonna get in his beat up Honda Civic and drive down to see you in this heat? What about gas money? He can't play unless he gets some pay! If you think he's cheap... Well, you got another thing coming! Picking up laundry today the lady that washes my dirty things and always asks me to go to her church because she correctly suspects me to be the devil, said, "You need new clothes! These clothes are too big for you!" So this week I will have lost 90 pounds since Dec 1st! That's like losing a 90 pound supermodel! When I first got my exercise equipment I couldn't do one chin up. It was awful. I had lost so much weight, but so much muscle mass, too. Yet, every time I walked past that bar, I was compelled to try it again. Now I can do 20! I'm still going to keep adding more to it. I'm getting better. My abs are starting to show and as soon as some more money comes in, I can afford the assorted supplements I need to help burn off more belly fat. Also I've been adding lots of cool yoga moves to my routine. 10 Days till the 1st? I haven't even paid this month's rent? I need a J. O. B. so b. a. d.! A girl at Barnes and Noble I ran into tonight asked me if I'd be willing to work in a Strip Club and being all excited about my new body I said, "Well, it's been years since I danced nude on stage, but... Ok, Yes!" She rolled her eyes, sighed and said, "No, I mean would you be willing to DJ at my Strip Club?" We'll see what happens. I used to go to strip clubs when I was younger cause I dated a girl that danced and also I knew some actresses that paid for acting classes by stripping, but mainly it was where I'd go to see real life. Many of my friends were dancers. We'd hang out. Eat at Denny's at 3am. Make little movies at my apartment, get them to act in my little plays, and have them over for pot luck dinners. Those were the days! We were young, creative and the world was full of possibilities! What happen to all the creativity and energy I used to have? I used to stay awake for days creating things! Now I'm up for days in some kinda panic-fear overdose... I used to be so smart and cunning! I could've figured out how to climb out of the hole I'm in, if I could only tap into that young Jerry I used to be! Where has he gone? I have a feeling the reason I couldn't sleep these last few days was that I was really going through something heavy, some kinda psychic fugue state, I was processing some very difficult stuff and my brain couldn't allow my body to shut down. I had very horrible dreams when I finally came out of it and the last dream was a pleasant vision of dancing in a glass green house with a beautiful girl in white to an old record player with newly planted flowers all around us. Something new. Something reborn. A new beginning! Maybe my mind was reprogramming itself, maybe I am now operating with a different OS than before. Hopefully, I'll be happier. Maybe it was something with my weight-loss, the old fats cells had stored certain chemicals, or memories and as they burned off those memories and chemicals passed through my brain in the bloodstream like tape across a tape head in a recorder. Maybe it's over now and I can begin again? Maybe good things are on the way for me? Maybe money will come for my tuition? Maybe money will come for rent? Maybe you'll have an idea on how to help me out?
Maybe it's an adverse reaction so some allergy medicine I was taking, or stress, or something else entirely. Could be I fear the nightmares I believe are waiting just behind the door of dreams. They wait, snickering, breathing heavy and scheming their horrible plans to traumatize me. If I can't sleep, they will soon arrive anyway as my hallucinations spill over from the dreams into my waking life after some burst levee fails to hold back the horror.
My body has weakened. Spasms flicker across my body. There's lightening and static in my head. I'm being pulled along against my will to some uncertain doom. Where have all my good dreams gone? Just on the other side of this wall of sleep, a crowd of nagging, critical and mocking entities conspire against me. I need the lovely, sweet, butterfly, treats, gold, diamonds, pearls and pretty girls kinda dreams I used to have. Have they been run off? Have they been devoured by the horde of ugliness that now hover in the shadows, loading revolvers, sharpening rusted knives, and designing new kinds of fear for me? I wish you were here! What could you do to help me sleep if you were here by my side? I dreamed about this Angel that would sit on the edge of my bed and watch over me almost every night for 30 years. She's so beautiful. Sweet kind face and a loving smile. Where is she now? Have you ever loved anyone so much you thought your heart would burst, or when you were apart your body ached for them? It's like I don't understand the controls of dreams, what lever can I pull, what button can I push? I call for her, but she only arrives at my side when I least expect it. I reach out for her and she fades away. I talk to her, when she answers only her lips move and I can't hear what she's saying. It's like trying to squeeze water in your fist. She's gone when I need her most. Will she return to me?
This week the temps have been high! Anything over 70 Degrees is hot to me. I'm walking around in my panties cause I can't afford to have the air conditioner on. I hate to sweat unless there's a good reason for it. Been looking for money to go to school, as you know and I'm not much closer to my goal of $3000. Dang! My fund-raising skills are poor. I know that's not much money, and I should have it come easily to me, my manifesting skills are weak right now it seems. My Aunt used to say, "God's delays are not God's denials" but in this case he just doesn't seem to care about my needs, or my wants. My guardian angel must have flown the coop, too. Been hitting the bricks trying to find work to raise the money and I think I'm living in the most depressed city I've ever lived in. I went to a job interview, a factory job and they told me over 350 people had come in for that one job, a minimum wage job, by the way and one without health insurance.
There's nothing quite like going out in the heat looking for work. Getting all sweaty. Pretending like you have the experience working in whatever ridiculous career you're applying for. Using your best method acting technique to express how thoroughly passionate you are about becoming an disposable employee in their shyster company. I used to be so great. I used to be somebody. I used to make six figures a year. I'll be lucky if I make four this year. What happened to me? Is it even me? Has America changed that much? How am I going to support a family? How will I ever buy a house? How will I ever be able to retire? Who will ever find it in their heart to marry me now? I've rewritten my resume, I'm guessing over 120 times, because I can see just on my desktop 38 versions. Once, there was the truth in my resume, but I've whittled it down so much in the hopes I'll catch a break, that now they are just lies. All lies! I really should be a best-selling writer, because my latest resumes, written in fear of starving, written in hope of survival, is full of fiction. One is forced to lie to survive. That's not the world I want to live in! Just need to catch a break, a breather, a momentary pause in the financial crisis my life has become and get some help so I can go to this school and kick-start my life in the right direction. Then money will be coming in, I can buy a car that runs properly, get a house, get married, save some money, retire and be happy... It's the 19th and I haven't paid rent yet. The stress is so bad on me now, I have developed a shake in my hands. I could use an ice cold shake, chocolate, please. But no, I shake. It has to be the stress, right? Love getting mail, got my package out of the box, it's huge, big book, a publisher sent it for a radio interview, it's about the "G-Spot!" How to give women ultimate pleasures, multiple orgasms, the whole thing! Now I want to put the stuff I mastered to good use! I need to try it out now! Anyone? That would be some stress reliever! But who would want to bang this quivering wreck of a man, half man, actually. A real man would have answers, a solution, results, money, and a beautiful woman on his arm! I want to be the kind of man a woman would be proud to call, "my man" or better, her "husband." I want to be a man that could take care of a woman, I got the sexual skills down, just need to be able to afford to buy her new clothes to replace the ones I rip off her beautiful sexy body. Oh, the picture of the girl in case you didn't already know is Karen Gillan who plays Amy Pond on "Doctor Who" and thankfully, the show has been able to distract me from the depression I'm slipping into. Slipping into? I'm swimming, no drowning in depression. My friend Steve doesn't even call it "Doctor Who" anymore. He calls it "The Amy Pond Show!" I thought I'd put this picture up so you'd think this post would be sexy, fun and not the big sad disappointing mess that it is. That I am... Couldn't get into the opening of the Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Orlando, but there were no lines for the The Amazing Kreskin Magical Mobile Home! I'd rather see him anyway! I have yet to see a single Potter film, even though 3 cute girls offered to show them all to me in what surely would have been a pajama party marathon! Imagine how hot that would have been, standing in line at that mass of sweaty people in Orlando. No thanks, anyway! I used to work at Walt Disney World® and I know how muggy and hot and miserable it can get there! I wish I had magic powers! I'd manifest the $3000 so I could go to school and start getting myself back up to where I once was financially and maybe beyond and if you think that's possible, let's all just clap our hands! Everybody out there who believes in Jerry Lentz, clap your hands, clap 'em loud and clap 'em hard, help keep Jerry alive!
"Don't hesitate!" You said on the phone message I got. You're laid out by the pool in the heat. You invited me to come. On your belly, a plate of hot-dogs. You spread the sauce you love on your buns. You open your mouth and squeeze that hot meat in. Drops of ice cold lemonade spill from your dark red lips, down your chin, your neck, only to be lost between your breasts.
Your diaphanous bikini feels satiny to my touch. We move to the throbbing beat of the song you love as it spins on the record player. You get all wet going down deep into the cool water.
I stand over you like a God watching his bathing Goddess. I see myself reflected in your sunglasses. You frolic in your see-through fabric. Urges build inside as I look at your long ravishing sleek body.
You teasingly climb out of the water. I sit in a chair, watch you put on a show of walking and going inside. Moments later you come out in a tight short skirt and a blanket on your arm.
Imagine you want me to be with you so bad! You need me now! You fix us ice cold drinks and get on the blanket you spread in the grass. The sprinklers come on. You get wet again. You've fallen in mud. Dirty dress. I pick you up. I'm hard to hold. I'm slippery. Trying to be good, you suck it up. You give me what I need, permission to undress you. I towel us down good. We have our fun inside, where it's cool.
"Come now!" You said in the phone call, and I did.
The house was quiet, the girls were gone and she sat in her kitchen chair thinking about an emptiness that had expanded inside her. A petal from a flower on the table fell loose and she delicately picked it up and looked at the veins and then she thought back to him.In her house. In a closet. On the top shelf. Hidden in a box. Tied in twine. Were his letters to her. A love letter time machine. His thoughts of her. His love for her. His dreams for their future. The backstory of paths not taken, hopes undone, wishes not granted. She read them now with new eyes and saw the riddles and clues and hints and codes... Now she realized it was all coming true. She had loved him all along. Through all the men, the three failed marriages, the empty years since she met him when she was young."I warn you," he told her then, "when you walk into my room, my space, through the door, you are entering on your own free will, a free will that ends for you in my room. I do what I will. Your body no longer belongs to you. It is mine to use as I see fit. Do you understand?""Yes," she said, her body shaking, "I will love you for the rest of my life."She knelt before him. He stood over her and said, "Say for me the following line, 'I freely relinquish my body and soul to Jerry Lentz, who I want, desire, love and trust, so he will from now on do with it as he pleases, as he now owns my body, forever and ever.'"Looking up at him with her big watery eyes she did and added for good measure, "I want to be with you forever."Sliding his leather belt out of the loops like a sword and undoing the buttons on his pants, he said in my deepest voice, "Remember this is a binding contract! Punishments will be strict!"She loved his game. She wanted to be his forever. She played along. She wanted to be desired and he gave her that. She realized she was floating down deeper under his spell and she loved it. She sat at her kitchen table, the sun was setting and she read his old love letters one by one."You want me to be more forceful? I control you! When I suddenly grab you, tear your burdensome clothes free of your breasts and hips, throw you to the bed and command you to submit to me, you quiver in my dominating presence as the implications of what I am about to do to you sends waves of shuddering excitement through the very core of your throbbing body! You know you are mine! You belong to me! Now and forever!"Standing up from the table, she suddenly felt dizzy, she steadied herself with a hand quickly to the tabletop that scattered the letters. The light outside had dimmed to darkness. Sipping from her bottle of Smart Water, she flicked on the light. She collected the letters and put them back in the box and noticed something she hadn't felt in years, a wetness between her legs. Breath escaped her, her body reacted like a giddy schoolgirl, but then she was a schoolgirl when she first met him.It felt good to be young again.With her heart racing, she got online and looked him up on Facebook. There he was. His profile was public. Her heart skipped a beat when she read his status was "single."She called information and got his phone number. She held the number, it was written on the back of a flyer for a Hobby Lobby cake decorating class and some of the other mothers had invited her.Could she call? Would he even remember her? She slid her hand down the front of her jeans and under the elastic of her panties to actually touch the wetness. Ripples of aching and wanting throbbed through her belly when her fingers opened the wet lips of her vagina. She sighed and began rubbing herself at the kitchen table. It was the riskiest thing she had done since she had the girls, and it made her feel good and naughty and young.She washed her face and saw herself in the bathroom mirror. She was shocked, because even though she had accepted her age a few years ago, after spending the last three hours reliving her time with him, she expected to see someone much younger looking back from the mirror.He open his apartment door. He had aged. Lost hair. Grayed. Thinned. But it was him. She had thought about him almost every night, even with other men snoring next to her, for 23 years. Her heart was racing. She discovered a pain in her thumb from nervously squeezing the strap on her purse for too long. It helped distract her from possibly exploding from the thrill of being with the man, that was once the young man who first deflowered her and had changed her life forever."Oh my God! It's so good to see you again, you look great!" She said almost crying.She sat on his leather couch wondering if she was too old to be wearing what she was wearing and if she had been going on to long about her life since him. He was walking back from his kitchen holding glasses and a bottle. As he handed her a glass and poured Red wine, he stood there looking at her for a bit and said, "I know you have a full plate, being that you are divorced, a work-at-home Mom, being a mother, feeding and taking care of your daughters, keeping things in order, trying to make a living, fighting growing older, but I want you to know something right now, I don't care about any of that. Right now, I want to push you against that wall, pin your hands over your head, kiss your neck, rip your blouse open, snatch off your bra and if you pull away and try and run, I am grabbing your ankle, dragging you back to me, undoing your belt, tying your wrists together behind your back, pulling your jeans down, pulling your panties off, shoving them into your mouth to shut you up, bending you over the edge of my bed and fucking you from behind! I don't care how smart you are, how empowered you are, who you are, or what you do…"She felt weak, she was floating, she was spinning, her eyes unfocused and she was about to explode. He unbuttoned his shirt and continued, "You are mine!"
Answer me these questions and imagine how your life will be changed by me!Please think about them carefully and do not attempt to answer any of these while driving, operating large industrial machinery or sexual devices.When you were having the time of your life, when was that and what were you doing?What parts of your lover's body, besides the obvious parts, are the ones that drive you crazy sexually? And what are the ones on yours that you love having stimulated?For example, I personally love the back of a woman's neck, the collar bone area and the small of her back. On me, I go crazy when she sticks her tongue in my ear or sucks/bites on my nipples.I don't mind the biting, but it's the tearing away and chewing that scares me.Ever tell a potential date, "I am an organ donor, baby, need anything?"Ever say something like, "Oh, I'm gonna cook something in the oven..." when you really mean the Microwave Oven, but you say it cause you wanna sound like you're a chef and know what you are doing?Have you ever bought a bootlegged DVD?Personally, I feel one should never trust a bootlegger! I just bought a bootleg DVD of the film, "Winter's Bone" because it was filmed near where I'm currently curled up in a fetal position and I want to see it, but I played said, "Winter's Bone" and it was a porno about Edgar Winter!Ever been doing something you were dying to do and once you were doing it, you thought, "WTF? This is retarded! I'm not doing this again!" What was it?If your alarm clock could wake you up to any song you choose, what would it be and why?Have you ever in your life, been physically in a fight? What happened? How did it end? How do you feel about it now?Sometimes nicknames can be so cruel, if you could pick your own, what would your cool nickname be?Ever wear your pajamas or underwear outside your house? How did it happen?What was the last song you remember singing in the shower?What was your favorite toy from childhood that you wish you had now?This one kid thinks I'm an idiot, asking me what Star Wars toy I had that I wished was real when I was young? Luke's Speeder, cause that's what I had, and he asked why? So I tell him I always wanted something like a Hovercraft! I went on and on about hovercrafts, who built them, who created them, when they were made, for about an hour, his eyes had glazed over and suddenly I realized instead of Hovercrafts, I had been saying "HOVEROUNDS!!!" Those wheelchairs for old people!Have you ever needed to go to the bathroom so bad, but were unable to find one, so you had to go in public and were caught by someone relieving yourself?What's the strangest dream you've had?Ever have a dream where keyboard keys fall apart, or turn into something else, like teeth, or you can't read the letters? Ever dream your teeth are falling out, or there's an old lady trying to kiss you, or a dead relative is trying to talk to you? Ever dream you had snakes in your bed?Ever dream something about me you've never told me?Ever dream you had body hair growing all over you uncontrollably?Have you ever had a dream about me you didn't share with anyone?Ever have a dream where you suddenly had huge breasts or a large penis?Please contact me with your answers, a photo and a check for $100 made out to Jerry Lentz and know that your results may vary.
There's a school I want to go to that a friend went to and he's doing great because of it. I'm selling everything I own to make it happen! All my books, cameras, TV, DVDs... everything I own, but my poor lil' car, so I can have the $3000 I need to get out there for the school. I know it sounds crazy, it isn't that much money, but it's the only way I've come up with to figure it out so we can make it happen. I believe this will be my big step to knock down the walls, so I'm getting the money to go, to take action, give me any amount you can do, it will help me! Yes!Imagine how you will feel giving me $1, $2, $3, or $100 to $1000 like my friends Steve and Jessica! You do it too! Think of all the money you waste on things that do nothing for anyone other than the Government, Large Corporations, Utility Companies... Now imagine for a moment you feel how it feels to give to me, do it because it feels good, I'll share with you who helped me and how much I've raised to meet the goal, then I'll give you privately the info on how the money you give me is helping me! Okay, good! You can really make a big difference in someones life when you give the gift of money! Mine! My life will be changed because of you taking a moment to give, by following the link to where you can safely and easily use a credit or debit card! It's a better, easier, and safer way to help me do it! I've been unable to fund it, so I'm wanting to use the power of my awesome friends like YOU to try an experiment to do it!Click it and imagine how good you feel doing it for me!http://jerryneedsmoney.blogspot.com/
I've always been in love with photography! I love taking pictures! This is me a few years back when I was about 20 years old just before going to see The Go-Go's in concert in Alabama. That night was to be one of the most important nights of my life, yet I wasn't to find out about it for years. Sometime that's how magic and miracles like to do it, unseen, unnoticed and unknown. You just have to look hard enough for it!Photography was going to be my life at one point, but then things changed. I was a portrait photographer for awhile, weddings, children, pets... I grew to hate it. I wanted to be free to do what I wanted. Worked in a gallery in LosAngeles where I got to see some of the greatest photography and meet some of my favorite photographers.Every once in a while I get asked to take pictures, sometimes they are in magazines, newspapers, websites, on refrigerator doors and in wallets. Yesterday I was asked to take some pictures for a burlesque/strip dance troupe! Sounds fun right?Two of the dancers came over to my place to convince me to take their pictures for a website. The owner and one other dancer sat on my couch and tried to sell themselves and their ideas to me. The boss was very excited and she talked a mile a minute. She was very demanding, but I handled her, I was very strong about it and stood my ground while she manipulated me.I need money, so I thought it might be ready to come to me. I was thinking I might get enough out of the gig to help me with things that will lead to some major changes in my life, but knowing dancers as I do, they think they can get away with a lot of things just because they're hot.It's funny, it's just like me to get in this kinda situation! She forces her way over here, wants me to do all these things with her and her girls, tells me she can feel her demand growing, wants my input, wants me to shoot them, she's open to new ideas, feels me to be a partner to get the girls on the ball, because many are young and inexperienced, but need a man like me to stick it to them so they'll come on time… All this for free!They're not even a real dance troupe, just young strippers really. I mean they're cute, I guess. They showed me the pictures she had taken and they all seem to be really into it... I don't want to be mean. Everyone needs a dream a desire, I suppose... but I don't want to get involved, it would be too hard, waiting for the girls to come up with money to get paid. I need money now, and it feels bad to turn them down.She couldn't understand how I could turn her down and they left my house all frustrated.So back to the drawing board on how I can bring in more money to go to this school I want to go and move to a new place. Feeling a bit down I thought I would make a couple of videos to cheer me up. The first one happened because I got a very nice big package in the box! I was worried at first because of the weather, it sprinkled and the box was all wet, but when I pulled it out, it was great!The next one I did was just a goofy test to see if I could do a funny lil' video to get new Facebook Friends. If you haven't added me as a friend, what's the hold up? Only the coolest, smartest and most intelligent people add me, so you'd be in great company, now do it!Hope you enjoy the videos!These last few days, even with the few couple of moments grasping for the elusively teasing money, have been awesome! There have been hours of lovely conversations with friends that have brought tears, laughter, joy and memories remembered and memories made. I know these minutes and hours are signs of things to come and I hope you come with me!
How can I make a woman become enraptured by my mere presence? If I could write a book where, if a woman were to read it, she might find herself breathless at the imagery the words brought forth in her imagination. Something I said might leave her with a sense of prolonged anticipation that would be almost unbearable. She could feel the sexual magnetism that made me and my words so seductive to her. Something in my manner that she found between the words, would be soothing to her, and unlock secret hidden dreams and dormant desires.Imagine being aroused by the sight of my name, maybe on the book cover and how at the base of the throat, a pulse beat had swelled as though her heart had risen from its usual place. She couldn't help but notice the tingle of excitement of it all deep inside her. She became moist. She moves toward me, impelled involuntarily by her own passion. I would sweep her, weightless, into my strong arms and make her mine as dizziness consumed her.Taken to her bed and undressed, she awoke later unsure of what, if anything had transpired, but upon inspection by her fingertips to her soft regions, the evidence of a deepened response from within her very body to being hurled sexually beyond the point of no return. Her body began to vibrate with liquid fire at the thought of his body on her and in her. Heat rippled under her flesh as she recognized the flush of sexual desires she hadn't felt in years. Shivers of delight followed her fingers as the explored the spaces he had claimed as his and his alone. She remembered in her delirium, giving herself to him freely, begging him to take her, and take her he did. She moaned aloud as the moment of ecstasy had arrived and she cried out in release, "I love you, Jerry Lentz!"
I came over a hill and almost hit a turtle crossing the road! All it's movable parts tucked into it's shell so quick to hide away from any pain. Now I want to do the same. It's too rough out there!
Man, I'm glad this week is over! Hope soon the year will be over! Almost ready for the long dirt nap.OMG! I've been reading about "Personality Traits of Women" to see what kinda woman would ever love me and what kinda woman would be best for me... I'm FUCKED!!!If I were the last man on Earth, what do you imagine we're doing?I want to make a good meal for myself right now, but I don't have any food in the house and I do not want to go out to go shopping.How often have you thought about something in the fridge you were saving for yourself and you waited until that last moment to fix it, to eat it all your sweet self and then discovered it gone? What?!!!When you live by yourself as I do, it's always about forgetting you ate it already, or it going bad.Have you ever had a guest over to your house, after a while they ask to use the bathroom, they go in, then it hits you that earlier not everything got flushed away, so you were waiting for the tank to refill to flush it again, but the phone rang, or something distracted you and now they get the joy of seeing your poopy?Reminds me of that old Jerry Seinfeld thing about the total stranger coming to his door wanting to know if he could use the bathroom, Jerry says, "No" and the guy goes, "But I have diarrhea?!"What's the worst thing you've ever found in something you were eating?I was with a friend that bit into his burger and pulled out a band-aid. Yikes!What moment in your past would you most like to forget?Which is the decision you regret the most and how would you do it differently today?Have you ever written sweet love letters, romantic notes, mailed postcards, sent gifts... to a spouse or loved one to show them your affection only to not get anything like that in return? What did you do then?Do you keep going because it's about giving, or do you just realize maybe their not the one for you after all?Have you ever written a sexy email and then accidentally sent it to the wrong person? I just heard a friend saying he wrote a really nasty email to a woman saying how hot she was the night before when she was doing all sorts of naughty things to each other and because of autofill on his email program, he sent the email to the woman's daughter! OMG! That's a nightmare!I am awaiting a reply asking about the daughter's response. No word, yet. I wonder what the daughter will say, she's 19, by the way.While shopping, have you ever walked up to your lover or spouse, held their hand, or put your arm around them only to discover it was someone else?Have you ever had a job and then realized it was not for you, you made a mistake taking the job, now you don't know how to quit?In the last three months, more people quit their jobs than were laid off by employers. People are just fed up! If you could make the money doing what you wanted to do and what you loved, what would be your fantastic career?Ever find yourself working at a job where ever coworker was toxic, angry, dangerous and you needed to find a way out?Who is the person that makes you the angriest?Did you know that when people hurt your feelings, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to raise your arm up, squeeze your trigger finger, blow the back of their heads out and paint the wall behind them with their brains?Imagine your lover is whispering in your ear right now. What is the phrase, sentence, message... when it is whispered to you, you become aroused and your panties begin to fall?What could I do that would make you love me more?Have you ever had a dream about me? If so, what was it about?Who is the absolute coolest person you've ever known?Who is someone you lusted over when you were younger?Do you still fantasize about a past lover? Do you still have feelings for someone from your past? Have you ever run into that person? Did you let them know you still feel for them?Have you ever been deeply in love with someone, felt they were the one for you, yet whenever you talk with them all you feel is hurt, sadness, regret and pain after the conversation?I expect answers to all these! There will be a test! There will always be a test! Email me your answers now!
...of the world, a new way of thinking and feeling and I love you for that! Your eyes are like windows. Through you I see myself the way I could be, the way I want to be. You are a camera that records my thoughts, dreams, wishes and shows me how it can always be. We are twins. Once we were one. We are of different ages. We are lovers. You are me in your body. You fit me like a glove. We were here before. Our souls are ancient and ageless. We were lost until we found each other again. Now we are whole.
Been talking to lots of my friends, many of whom are writers, some even bestselling writers, about my desire to be one as well. They're all so encouraging because they become my friends after reading some writing I have done and enjoyed it. But for me writing is really a stress reliever. To get paid for making up stories, daydreaming, or taking basically a love letter to someone, changing the names and imagining what would happen... If... That would be an awesome lifestyle!
There's a very good friend of mine who I would most definitely say is my muse. When we talk, the ideas just flow out of me. Nonstop. I bet if I'd record our conversations there would be ideas for books, plays, movies... In one of our last talks a book idea came up that I believe would be awesome! It's erotic, it's dirty, it's sexy, it's got action, intrigue, thrills, espionage, rock music, pop culture, romance, but mainly, if this book were a person, it would be sexy and dirty, it would tie you down and spank your bare bottom until it was red, then it was rub some hot oils on your heiney and call it, "Special!" You're gonna wanna get a copy right now!
I would say because I ran away. Guess I couldn't take it anymore. People can be so mean. Sure, a lot of them say great stuff, but if even one out of a thousand says one negative thing, I'm devastated.
Why? Why am I so sensitive? Why am I always examining my feelings? Why do I let someone else's opinion hurt me. Even people I don't know, respect, or even care about can get their words digging under my thin skin. Their anger, their opinions, their jokes, their smirks get stuck in my head like a virus corrupting the natural sweetness, unlocking some killer inside me and unleashing horrible fantasies of revenge that never take place at the scene of the crime, or affect the perpetrator, but leaves self inflected scars on me, the victim. This can't be attractive to you. This hurt puppy. This sad child. This broken man. This open wound. I open myself up to love, to really feel it and to let it flow, but flies get in and the larva grows and I feel the heart is rotting. Maybe I expose myself too much. I stand here naked hoping you'll find something in common, some connecting thread to bring us closer together in a world cold and cynical. I tell you things that are too personal. I want to be honest with you about what's going on in my head and in my heart. I want you to like me and dare I say it, love me. The diamond under pressure, I know, but all that stress and there still are flaws. The grain of sand that becomes an irritant produces the pearl, I know, but I'm drowning and can't hold my breath. The oak tree grows the strongest in the deepest shit, I know, but the tiny beetle bores away at it ceaselessly. It all drains me. I am weak, but I was strong once and want to be strong again, so strong no one can hurt me, yet I know my heart will only become callused again and the loving feelings I have will only be murmurs in dreams smothered under the wall of scar tissue built up to protect me. Somehow moving to larger and larger cities made it better because there seemed to be some safety in numbers. You could hide in a crowd. You could keep to yourself. Keep your head down. Sure there were more killers, freaks and thugs, but they distracted everyone away from my problems. There was always someone more worse off than me. The small town was always more dangerous to our kind. If anyone even attempted to point out how freakish, strange, creepy or weird I was, there was a million other people worse than me functioning in the big city. I could look to them circus freaks of the city, the broken, the forgotten, the ignored, the emos and the hurt for some sorta backup, some support, or I just learned to realized I was at home in the land of the misfit toys. So I continue to be hurt because I'm willing to be sensitive and in danger of bleeding to death to feel the warmth of love that flows from me, my love for the world, and most of all, my love for you.
I feel I'm on the edge of a major revolution and all that I've known will be different from now on!
With my upcoming appearance on The Biography Channel July 17th, a few voiceovers on some movie trailers, a new audiobook, in talks about a major merger and now an international ad campaign for Apple's New iPhone4, my life is about to get a whole lot more fun! Please stand by for more action!
...I could do with her! Slavery is bad, I'm pretty sure. It looks bad in movies anyway. Sometimes I feel like I'm a slave, then I see some movie like "Mandingo" and I go, "Jeez Louise, glad I'm not a slave!"
However, I was thinking about how cool it would be to own an Orion Slave Girl, the Green kind. Doubt I'd really own her, they seem tough and don't take any crap. No way would she do my laundry and if she did, you know she wouldn't separate the colors. All my clothes would have a dingy look. Wouldn't even mind her being all Green, it'd even be a bit of a turn on cause I love salads, collard greens, kale, spinach... Oh, I'd eat her up! And the dancing! Man, just the idea of her dancing barefoot in my living room gets me excited! I bet she likes other things than just pleasing me sexually. I know, it'd be hard to believe, but I see her wanting to paint. Maybe she paints flowers? Or portraits of her sisters? She might paint dragons from the worlds she's traveled, or some of the spaceships she's been held prisoner on? My feeling is, she's really not a slave, because I doubt she'd do anything I asked without giving me attitude and would be smart enough to work her way around it. She might just be playing with me. Come into my quarters when I'm sleeping and ease up onto my bed and hold a dagger to my throat. Just standing there smiling, waiting for me to wake and if I did, she'd act like nothing was happening. "What's going on?" "What do you mean?" "Why are you standing there?" "Here?" "Oh forget it!" Night after night. I ask her to get in bed with me and perform the perverted Orion Sexual Magic on me, but she goes on and on while filing her nails saying how it's better to wait when certain planets align. I know she's just goofing on me! Sometimes, I ask her to cook, but she says there's no food and she doesn't like to shop for groceries at Walmart cause people look at her funny. I explain to her everyone at Walmart is funny. Then she says Trader Joe's is better and reminds her of home. But one happy night it stormed! Lightening, thunder, wind and rain, then 2AM she comes creeping in and crawls in under the blankets all scared and pouty. She snuggles up and puts her cold bare feet against my shins, but I don't mind, cause she makes me hot. I love hearing her breathe when she sleeps and while she does I look at the beautiful strands of her hair in the flashes of lightening and wish I was her slave.
I don't know either!Fever?Let's face it, good looks on guys just don't cut it except on covers for Romance books and movie posters. Everyone one knows if a guy is good looking and sexy, he's gay. It's a fact! I remember my mom loving Rock Hudson and Liberace. I think I was just a lil' kid watching Liberace and thinking he was a lil' bit scary and my mom telling me how women would line up around the block to watch him play.So, what I'm trying to say is, if you're a woman and you don't want to spend you life as a fag-hag, you need to lower your standards, sister! I'm here to help. I care. You know I'm just being honest with you. You're trying to fight it, I can see that look on your face! Don't look at me in that tone of voice!Thinking I might need to build up my self-confidence, I thought about approaching myself as a brand, a product, a object if you will, and see how women in a focus group might appraise my value. It's a scary thing! I know I could be hurt. But ya know what? Women have been hurting me all my life, some started when they were young and just grew into the ability to make me cry.Maybe I get the last laugh on some of them, I know 4 women that married their so called Adonis boyfriends only to discover within a year that they were really Gay. It isn't that I'm happy about someone being in pain, but these bitches deserved it! If it happened to you, I would feel bad. So bad in fact, I'd let you come over here even if it was late, sit on my couch, let you cry on my shoulder, let you put your hands down my pants, pat you and tell you, "It'll be okay, baby. You'll find a non-gay man soon." Because I care!If you need the tell-tell signs, I know them, I've heard them all, and I'll tell you. It's none of the "Metro-sexual" stuff your friends tell you, either. It's other more subtle behavior, like watching a lot of Sports and sucking lots of cock. I should right a book! The things wives tell me! Girls and women just open up to me like you wouldn't believe!Anyway, back to me, your friend, Jerry. This chart above is just a quick summary of bullet points of my epic awesomeness, but it's a small part of a much larger slide show presentation with a break for lunch about 3 hours in depending on the venue. I hope you can come! If you can't come, let me know, I bet I can finger out a way for you to come. I know I can help you come! That's why God put me on this Earth, I know it, cause Jesus told me in a dream! Thinking of starting a private consultation in addition to the touring seminars, to help you with your stressful troubles, so if you are working, can't leave because you have kids, don't have a car, I'll make it happen by traveling, finding my way to your spot, rolling up my sleeves, making you comfortable, finding the sensitive stuff, getting to the heart of the matter, feeling around, finding your needs, getting to the point, getting you to open up, once you have exposed the situation, you can lay back, if you have some juicy stuff, show me where it is, spread them out before me and it's a fact, no matter the difficulty, I will lick it!It's not that I have created this chart because I want to meet more lonely women and young fresh thin sexy college age girls looking for an older male to educated them in the forbidden and lost arts of love, not at all. No, my goal is to truly find my way into the heart of one special woman, maybe you know her, maybe you think you know her, maybe you can put in a good word for me? I want this woman so bad I can taste it! I can feel her in my dreams! The things she wants me to do to her, but she's afraid to tell me, because she wants to make me think she's a Lady, so she wants me to read it in her expression instead of hearing it from her lips. She shows me what those lips are for!My heart aches for her! My loins throb for her! My pulse races when I know sleep is near, because it is there when she floats down to me and has her way with my spirit.She better take me soon, because, baby, I ain't getting any younger!Oh, for fuck's sake! I've reached that age where a majority of my day is spent shaving, trimming, plucking and waxing unsightly body hair! Where did all this ear hair come from? Who gave it permission to grow there? I've collected enough body hair to absorb the Gulf Oil Spill... this is ponderous, man! Fucking ponderous!For Halloween one year, I let my back hair go a day without waxing and did a comb-over from my back to the top of my head, and I kid you not, I looked like Danzig! Why are we so concerned in this society about hairless bodies? I read a leading female social scientist that believes a new crop of teen girls will grow up to want their lovers to be hairy and hairy as possible due to reading books and viewing movies at an impressionable age that deal with sexy werewolves. Again, another example to show I was born ahead of my time! Women in my unfortunate age bracket constantly mention waxing on men and go, "ewww, gross, gay" but then complain to their friends about their husbands nasty body hair while they pretend to be standing in line for their daughters to see hairless teen boys strut on the big screen in paranormal Mormon cougar fantasies like "Twilight: Eclipse."Maybe the man that shaves and waxes wants to please you? Maybe he's fighting for your attention because all you seem to be doing is looking and lusting over hot young hairless gay boys? And seriously, I can't get an anal bleaching without the Brazilian, duh!
