The beginning is a very delicate time.

"…a person needs new experiences. They jar something deep inside, allowing him to grow. Without change something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken." - Duke Leto Atreides, as House Atreides prepares to leave Caladan for Arrakis in Dune.

We'll see how much of an adventure it is. I will document it as much as I can. I just wish it wasn't gonna be as hot as it is. I need a/c almost all the time.

No, I need a/c, seriously. The cold I'm good with. I will survive winter without heat, but I need my a/c.

It's storming here. Rain, thunder, lightning, so I of course must go out and stand in it! Yeah, I love rainy gray weather. I hope I'm going in the right direction, making the right choices... We'll see.

Many of my friends don't believe I'm gonna be homeless, don't believe I need help, they are thinking I'm kidding even though I've kept them informed on my situation and it's slow to rapid decline. They refuse to believe or offer help. However, they offer plenty of ridicule and make jokes at my expense and seem to get quite a laugh out of it. I'm getting rid of so many things I probably shouldn't. Can't get them back. I just don't want to have to pack and unpack stuff. Don't want to burden anyone with storing it all. It's feeling weird. Some of it feels good, but much of it feels horrible. I'm just pretending to myself that I've lost it all in a fire.

‎...to explore strange new worlds; to seek out new life and new civilizations; to boldly go...

I'm heading south. Going to see the Gulf. Try and find some work. See old friends and relatives. Live in my car if I can't find any couches to sleep on. If it is a mid-life crisis, I feel it was forced upon me by the economy and this dark cloud hanging over me, or the curse someone hexed me with, but I'm gonna try and have fun with the situation and see if I can turn it to my advantage and make something out of it.

I'll be checking in time to time. So if you know of any couches I can crash on, and possible jobs, please let me know. I will be sleeping in my car. That's gonna be very tough in this heat, plus cops don't dig people sleeping in their cars.

So seriously, if you have a couch…

http://www.couchsurfing.org/people/jerrylentz/

"There's so many times I've let you down. So many times I've played around. I tell you now, they don't mean a thing. Every place I go, I'll think of you. Every song I sing, I'll sing for you. When I come back, I'll bring your wedding ring."

Took the "How Sexy R You?" test on Oprah, I couldn't believe the results! I'm the Best I've ever had! To celebrate the win and my last few days in my house, I fixed chicken breast, salad, cucumbers, red wine, then I made a bubble bath in the sink with some Palmolive and soaked my right hand. Put it in some sexy hand lingerie, lit candles, kissed it, then it said, "Too much wine, my head hurts. Leave me alone." It stayed on one side of the bed and ignored me.

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I'm hitting the road!

In a few short days, I'm out of here! Been throwing shit away. Boxing crap up I should have sold long ago when I had the chance, but now it's too late. Giving away all that I can't carry. Most of all my clothes are now at the Goodwill. In less than 48 hours I will officially be homeless. Wish me luck! Think good thoughts for me! Pray for me if you do such things. Please write me good sweet things to pick up my spirits. I will write back when I find a free Internet connection. Miss you already!

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I made a wish upon a star and it's coming true!

If you know me, and I know you do, you know times have been tough on me. I've tried and I tried. Things have just turned dark for me over these last 20 years, most of my life, really. I could use a wish right now! If my wish came true it would be good for you! I'm waiting on a meteor shower to make sure it all comes true. I used to be such a happy baby! My mom used to have the doctor that delivered me over to the house for dinner and he told me, "Jerry, of all the babies I've ever brought into this world, you were the only one I've ever met that came out laughing! I couldn't bring myself to even spank you, how could I? I even asked everyone in the room, 'What should I do?' You were laughing and because of that, you were already breathing. So, I didn't spank you and that's never ever happened to me, before or since!" What happened to that happy child? I wish I could find some of that happiness again. Maybe I can! It must still be in me, right? Maybe you can help me! Maybe my wish will come true!

Was gonna try to be aloof today, but became uninterested. Then, things suddenly changed for me and I think my wish is really coming true! I'm a little bit scared as time seems to have suddenly sped up. There's a lot of work to do. Lots of things I must take care of. My mind is racing. It's as though I've been in a dark room for 20 years, a prison really, and I've either escaped, or been set free into a cool bright day with fresh air, a brand new day for a new life, the one I was always meant to have. Outside is a girl waiting to pick me up. The girl is the most beautiful girl in the world. She's been waiting for me as long as I've been waiting for her, our whole lives.

Been some great comments on my writing these last few weeks. I hope this new life-changing experience I'm diving into will fuel my writing, bring about some publishing, open more doors. If not, it's okay. There's really only two people that need to enjoy my writing and I'm one of them. This video is just the music and black. That's the way I want it. Dark. Just the pounding music and you thinking of my words, picturing the story, making the movie up in your head. Play it while you read. Now it's dark. Enjoy.

She was in her big empty house. Alone. She had closed all the windows. Sealed. She had locked them shut. Tight. She had closed all her doors. Locked. Bolted. Chained. But she left the one downstairs open for me. I climbed the steps. I was still wet from the mist. I heard her moving above me. The floor creaked. I saw her shadow move across the paintings. I stood dripping in her bedroom doorway. I made my move while her back was to me. I pushed her to the wall. Hard. Her palm slapped the wall. Her face pressed against textured ornate wallpaper. In the struggle to hold her wrists and unzip my pants, a painting of a flower cocked, a photo on her nightstand tilted, an empty glass that had held red wine fell to the floor, and her mid-thigh silk Persian Pink Georgette dressing gown easily tore free of her pale flesh. I kicked her feet apart and soon I was in her. She was mine and always shall be.

May not always be online, here, on Facebook, Twitter, elsewhere… I may not have internet connection. Things are about to get different, real different, for me, anyway. I hope you'll stand by action. Wait for me. Think of me from time to time, if I'm not always here. I should be back soon. I'll see you Tuesday. I'm thinking of dropping everything and going for a long ass joyride. Who wants to go for a fucking joyride? You? How about you? Huh?

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It's wet and slippery, I'll eat it if you want me to!

The mermaid comes. Washing up on the shore just as I've slipped off between the two sand dunes that were at the edge of my sleep. I slide down the mounds to the bottom and watch her fins flop and flail around until they shake loose and become two long beautiful legs. She wobbles and struggles to stand as the waves crash around her. Wet and shinning with the glare of the setting sun behind her, she waves to me. Her long thin nude body quivers in the breeze, she slings her wet hair, hops and skips in excitement and breaks into a run toward me. I stand as she jumps, splashes into me, arms and legs wrapped around me, lips on me, wet hairs clings to the warm skin of my cheeks like tentacles, feeling my face. The taste is salty and sweet. I never want her to leave. Time moves too fast with her near. The hourglass is emptying. Just when I think I can hold on to the moment, the moment's gone and I'm left with a handful of sand in the bed.

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I'm just a low down dirty dog!

I was talking with a friend about being a lil' boy when my dog ran out into the road and my mom and I both saw her get hit by a car that didn't even stop. My mom chased after me cause I was running out into the road and as my dog died in my arms I felt tears welling up in my eyes and a heavy cry building up in my throat and chest. My mother yelled at me, "Don't you cry! We'll get another dog."

I know now she was panicked because I had run out into the street and wasn't prepared for the dog to die or for me to start crying and it all blurted out that way, but at the time I thought she couldn't have said a more horrible thing to me.

Growing up on the farm I had many great dogs come into my life, then die. I've loved a lot of animals. Then I'd get heartbroken when they either died or were slaughtered. It's a weird thing when you realize you're eating a friend, like a cow, a pig, a turkey… That's what happens when you are young on a farm.

They try and explain it all away, but it gets lodged in you somewhere deep like a bullet hidden, always leaking lead into your bloodstream, poisoning you.

Today I watched Woody Allen's, "Cassandra's Dream" and while I had heard other people dogging it, I really liked it. Ewan McGregor and Colin Farrell play two brothers who convinced themselves they have to do an unspeakable crime to cover some other bad choices they've made. Debts and money lead to murder and guilt and shame lead again to murder in this family drama. There's a great bit about crossing the line and how once you've crossed it you're capable of anything. When you need money you rationalize every decision you made to feel better about covering your debts and paying the bills and feeding the kids… A friend sent me a news item about a guy we once knew who had been laid off, then recently lost his unemployment benefits and when that happened it was too much for him and he shot himself. The kicker was he shot himself twice as the first bullet into the head wasn't enough. Can you imagine? Shooting yourself, dropping the gun and them realizing even though your face has been blown off, you're still alive, so you have to fumble around on the carpet looking for the gun to get a second shot in to finish the job.

My friend wrote, "Jerry, we've been laid off so many times, but have you ever even considered this? These companies laying people off to show bigger profits, taking away peoples livelihoods, destroying families… If you are working at a company making 100 Grand a year and they let you go for no good reason, it's as though they stole $100,000 from you! Why aren't there more shootings in the workplace? People need to take it to the source!"

The French, no matter how much you make fun of them are laughing at us, because they would never stand for this in their country.

I was sitting on the front steps thinking about stuff, then my thoughts turned kinda sad and just when I felt myself getting a bit more depressed, a dog I've never seen before walked over and sat down beside me and together we looked out at the world. He picked my spirits up, just like that! Then when he was done, he mosied on down the road. Sweet!

Yes, I believe it was an angel! Such a sweet baby to come and make me feel better. He didn't lick me, or jump on me, he gave me space and just wanted to sit next to me and make me feel like I wasn't alone in this world.

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Up your nose with a rubber hose!

Have you ever used a Neti Pot? Have you used a nasal douche? Have you ever met anyone that loved using them so much, it seemed almost a fetish? Why are Neti Pots so expensive? Have you ever just used a tea pot or a garden hose instead?

My friend, Jessica said, "I use a little ceramic tea pot that cost me $1 and it works just fine. Just make sure the water's warm enough or it does feel like drowning."

Good tip, Jessica... about heating up the water, I was thinking of adding ice, but warm seems the way to go. I wonder if I could heat it up in the microwave? I have a coffee setting, but that may be too hot?

I have yet to try the neti pot, but just went to CVS looking for the nasal douche and couldn't find one, but I did buy a discounted box of Summer's Eve Island Splash with a sweet, floral fragrance that leaves you feeling clean and refreshed in seconds. 

It was weird, I was afraid of drowning, gagging and spilling it all over my clothes, so I stripped nude and douched my sinuses really good. Nice! Then caught a look in the full length of my new hot nude muscular body and within seconds my nose got all wet. Strange. Then I couldn't stop rubbing my nose. I had to get out my Hello Kitty vibrator! Felt so good!

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You've swept me away!

Watched the video of that guy in his SUV being swallowed by a giant sinkhole and remembered some horrible nightmare I once had about the world splitting in half and how I fell into the crack and the two hemispheres twisted apart. 

That lead me to think about this girl I knew, who was so important to me when I was young, that she created a deformation in my spacetime caused by a very intense field of love. Any information, or feelings, or distribution of memories about the girl became evenly distributed along the horizon of my dream-life, but it was lost to outside observers who didn't know her or me, or us as a unit. The affect she had on me cannot be measured, however a standard of intense emotion was set so high by my interaction with her, all subsequent encounters with others, no matter how contractually bonding, paled in her brightness. 

So powerful was her impact, even in her absence her presence was always felt. 

So deep was the dent she made in the unification of my space and time, the curve always pulled my heart's focus back to her, in the past, where my development was arrested, suspended animation, frozen as a man-child trapped in a loop, forever playing and replaying our events like some ghost returning to the scene of the crime, locked in obsession by the gravity and the properties of connectedness. 

So important to me in my live was she, that if I were a tree sliced in half you could document the change and how she altered me, in my rings. If there was a biography of my whole life, the arc of the story would be my love for her… The longing for her… The search for her… Being saved by her… Being found by her. 

The only release from the solitude was to reconnect, collapse the structure and framing of the past and the years without her and build anew with fresh awareness, mature skill sets, and experienced eyes. The foundation of memories, the material of dreams, the stains of history, the fabric of hopes, all deteriorate, dissolve, burst into flames and spiral down the sinkhole, leaving the past as unsure as the future, cold and Godless, but in the warmth of her embrace we stand, so that the only solid ground is the present. 

Here is where I will build my new life, with her, now.

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This is how I celebrate Comic-Con!

By wearing this t-shirt, and as one observant writer pointed out, "Jerry, it's like a 100 Degrees, but you're so cool your nipples are hard!" 

Another person feeling close enough to me to comment says, "Superman's outfit didn't have nipples, it was Joel Schumacher's Batman!"

Whatever, geeks!

A week away and another month starts, so I'm gonna be 3 months behind in rent and my utilities are gonna be cut off, I'll be evicted, living in my car, unable to afford gas, starving and burning up because my car door windows are broken and I can't roll them down for air, yet, Nicolas Cage was like a billion dollars in debt, blowing his money on mansions, yachts, and decorating everything with his expensive and horrible taste, but Johnny Depp bails him out of all his trouble so he's free to whore himself out in crappy big budget movies, while all my friends stand in line in San Diego, hoping to meet Olivia Munn, or any other slutty Megan Fox wannabe booth-babes, spending their cash on dopey Scott Pilgrim, or Green Hornet merchandise wondering why I'm not with them sweating in the crowd.

Fuck Comic-Con! What has it ever done for me? 

Come to think of it, what have you done for me? I give and give, opening myself up to you, showing you my real feelings, spilling my guts, slicing open my veins and writing my heart out to you with intimate details so secret I wouldn't even tell myself, but for you I share, because I thought we had something. I felt it. I know what we have is real. You must know everything I write has been a cry for help! Yet, you observe me, my plight, my condition, my situation and you continue to walk on by without a simple offer of help, or offer to lend a hand in return for grace.

Your nipples must be hard, as well.

Why?

Because you are so cold.

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Please Stand by Me! I'm experiencing technical difficulties! Can you wait for me?

Ever discover the thing you wanted the most may not be the best thing for you? What was it and what did you do about it? Was it hard to decide? Did you chase after it and have to give up? How did you learn it wasn't for you? Did it let you know? Were you banging your head against a wall? Was it behind a wall, out of reach?

When will I learn? How? When will I give up?

Do you believe in fate? Do you believe there's no fate but what we make? I wonder if one might be able to predict a certain outcome by choosing a decision that will lead to a preplanned result? Would that be a philosophy? I dunno, thinking if one were to say, for example, put the recorded thought patterns of a Warren Buffet into the mind of a Mother Theresa, what could happen? It's just software, right?

If I say, "Think of me," do you picture me? Am I a photo you've seen? Am I a memory you've had of me? Am I part of your imagination? 

If I say, "Imagine you and me having a great conversation over a meal," do you picture us having lunch in a cafe? A romantic dinner? Are we having a picnic?

If I say, "Don't think of me! Don't picture me holding you! Don't imagine me making love to you!" can you? Can you really?

How did you meet the love of your life? Maybe meeting someone in a bar isn't as popular as people will have you believe? Did it feel like you've met before? Know each other in a past life?

What am I waiting for? What am I waiting on? Why wait? 

Do you think luck exists? What's the luckiest thing that ever happened to you? How can one make their luck better? Is it even possible? I always hear people talking about "making their own luck" and I wonder what they really mean? There was a friend that always seemed to be in the right place at the right time and I always wondered how that happened, but hanging out with him I saw he was always on the go. He volunteered at numerous places and I believe only had part time jobs, because he seemed to get bored quickly. He was everywhere! But he had tons of friends and dogs and cats loved him too! More opportunity to stack the odds in his favor, I believe. He used to tell me, "Jerry, you are one of the luckiest people I know. You have it made!"

I wonder what he'd think of me now? Is it possibly he's not thinking of me? If people stop thinking of me will I cease to exist? Am I still here? By a very thin thread. Maybe that thread leads to you, if you in fact are thinking of me. Maybe that thread is me unraveling? Maybe someone is gathering me up? Can you imagine stitching me up? Making me better than before? Another chance?

Do you think love exists? Is it real? Is it like a virus, in the way a mind virus, or software virus is? Is it something we create in ourselves to keep us going? Is it programmed into us genetically? Is it like the God gene, that makes us believe that there's more to life than this? We know we've messed up, we can't face the cold blackness, we need another try, one more shot to get it right… Please don't let this be all there is!

Do you ever get bored of something you know you shouldn't be bored of? What is it? I mean have you ever been bored of something that you maybe... loved? If you love your work, sure go with that, but... Loving something and then finding yourself bored of it, maybe that's the question.

Ever feel like you've been cheated?

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The Oil Slicks of the World are changing Sea Life forever...

...if not completely destroying it!

I don't swim, but I love going to the beach. I love going to the pier at 2am. Dark. Stars. Crashing waves. Alone. Hoping the ocean will wash up some treasure that will save me. Change me. Forgive me. Hold me.

A friend called me the other day trying to make me feel better about my poor financial situation, he said, "Jerry, you are not poor. It's a fact, you are far from it. You are extremely wealthy."

On the floor, staring at my ceiling in the dark, I replayed that conversation over and over in my head. I started dreaming about all the lost treasures of the world sitting on the ocean floor, waiting in fat rotting wooden chests, spilling over with gold, diamonds, gems and guarded by giant octopi. If we had more arms, we could hug more, touch more, feel more, multitask.

Began thinking how close I might have come to real wealth by hiking past some lost loot from a bank robbery. Missing the chance to collect a reward for saving a kidnapped girl, because I was in a hurry to get gas and didn't recognize her from the Amber Alert, sitting in the truck next to my pump. Neglecting that lonely elderly person who was extremely wealthy but didn't flaunt it, who died and had no friendly people in his life to leave his possessions to. Letting the profits from that bestselling book I never wrote slip through the fingers of my mind. Not working hard enough at making the relationship grow with that woman who loved and inspired me to follow my dreams and encouraged me to continue when all seemed lost. All of that so easily can get washed away, if you don't watch it closely.

Maybe the wealth I want, all that I need, is within. All that I want can be found here inside. Maybe you can help me find it in me and I can help you find it in you. I need to reframe my thoughts. I shall ignore the lack and from now on look at all that I have. 

What do I already have? If you like it, I'll share it with you if you share with me.

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Lately, my dreams have been so vivid!

Full of colors, they are, bright, movements to music, falling deeper and deeper into something soft, warm, even wet, like precious bubbles in sunlight popping over my hot skin, my face and the splatter, the watery splash, the chill of the cold, like a wet kiss, waves of excitement pulse across the entire length of my body's flesh.

Walking barefoot in the grass, the cool morning dew, the blades combing and sliding between my toes, kicking mushrooms and toadstools and dandelions with their parachute balls opened into full spheres, spreading their parachutes into the wind like debris from an explosion. These seeds like little ideas grow and expand into more dreams.

Once, I was telling a friend about some dream I had and she said, "Jerry, you have the most amazing imagination! I wish you would get inside me right now and make me dream! Please think something up, dream a big one for me to do, you do it, I want to have yours!"

She emailed me yesterday, that memory came back and she asked if I had seen "Inception" yet, but I hadn't. I want to! She went on, "This movie is so you. I thought about you all through it. It's big! You'll really get into it. I was so open and ready for it, it's a new direction, I love it, so I know you'll love it! I know you want to see it! You could have dreamed this movie up, cause I know first hand what you're capable of and what you can do, Jerry!"

I do want to see it! I am ready for it! I think I need to have a good time, relax, lay back, and just watch. I want you to come with me! It's boring when I do it alone. If you watch it with me, you know it'll be exciting, cause we could hold hands while we do it.

We shouldn't be afraid to dream big! Dreaming is free!

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I had the most amazing dream about this!

I was up above you, you below me, you reached up to pet me, stroke me, calm me, you blew me with kisses, your big eyes looking right through me, penetrating my soul, in return I filled you up with love, pouring over you all that I am. The moment intensifies and all my colors grow bigger, brighter, spreading open my iridescent blue-green plumage, so I dazzle you, you fall deeply into a soothing trance of illusion from the optical interference of the nanostructures found in the barbules of my feathers. They push deep into your subconscious the images of us embracing, loving, entwined together as ancient Greek gods and you my nude beauty, will be my Hera.

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Things I have to do to pay for school, for you to see me, to feel my love, to want me!

Sometimes someone’s presence is so soothing, it’s like a voice wraps around you and warms every part of you, like a soft robe or a blanket or the heat of a fire, or a laptop on your bare thighs as you watch me put on a show for you, or as if their presence is this warm sauna or bath into which you are letting yourself plunge all the way inside, the kind of bath which is so good, you want to empathize with it, because this pool of water has been made warm in order to have someone inside it, this experience is meant for you and you alone, right now, and you feel how this bath needs to have someone come inside it and you know this experience is meant for you right now and you realize how much every part of you, even those parts you’ve forgotten about and whose needs you’ve been neglecting, is imagining and feeling and craving this experience, yearning to open up to this warmth, the wettness and this embrace, to open up and feel the heat rush into every part of you and to feel whole and complete. I want to be the voice in your head, as yours is in mine.

http://thevoiceinyourhead.blogspot.com/

To me, this feeling of closeness is like a private world, like you and me are inside a special, magical, glass sphere, a bubble and outside this sphere everything seems small and far away and commonplace, and inside you and me love so deeply, feel more and more connected together, fused, melted together, gently pressed, whole. 

http://www.facebook.com/jerrylentz

To me, this feeling is like knowing you are meant to open completely, share everything that’s special about you, I penetrate into you emotionally, as you finally come into a whole new place, a place of golden colors, warm feelings, the smell of ocean, and cotton and cashmere mist, a sense of destiny, rightness... because this was meant to be...! You helping me be all that I can be, you making me more than I am, giving yourself to me, supporting my goals, my wants, my desires…! You, with me, this is how I think about this. Helping each other, now!

http://www.indiegogo.com/Hypnotic 

If you'd help me now, I can do this exact thing for you!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1294631/Company-director-drops-stone-hypnotist-convinces-gastric-band.html

Or more!

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The Russian Girl knows about work, sex, love and the heart!

Well, for some reason I wasn't on the Biography Channel last night even though that's what the producers told me. 

I was getting calls and emails that people were settling down to watch me on the Bio Channel, but then the emails began saying I wasn't on, I don't have cable so I wasn't able to tell. Some friends kindly skyped me the feed and when the image was clear enough to see, I could tell I wasn't on. They told me it was suppose to be last night, but they did tell me a while back that mine was the absolute best one they've ever done and that they wanted to use it as a season finale. But then they also called and said it would be tonight... TV sucks!

Those producers screwed up. Oh well. Sorry I got everyone ready for it. Don't know when I will be on, but I doubt I'll even plug it in advance when I am in fact on. You'll just have to find it on your own, if you are so inclined. 

I have a sore throat, I think it's from allergies. I sure hope it's not strep! I feel awful!

I was just perusing Yahoo's "7 Mistakes Not to Make on Your Resume" and I always think it's bad to mention that cash always comes up short on your shift, but I imagine you have a great resume no-no, too! How about, "As a hobby I collect guns and have a basement full of semi-automatic rifles" that might make them reconsider laying you off? If they'd ever hire you in the 1st place.

Times are tough. I don't know what I'm going to do? Where am I gonna get money? What kinda work will I find? I've been down so long.

She was sitting in the chair in front of me at the Dept. Social Services. Her ticket number was in her hand. No wedding ring. Big long shiny Red nails. I could barely see the tattoo on the back of her neck until she turned to brush her dark flat ironed hair off her shoulders. It was a small thumps up symbol "Like" button from Facebook. I'd never seen a tattoo like it. She shifted in her seat and turned around to me and smiled, "I'll trade you my number for yours."

I was writing to a friend yesterday about an old book I once read when I was waiting for the rain to stop in LA. I was in the subway, sitting with this old book I had found at a used bookstore. It was by a Russian author, she lived in the 1920's, she talks about how, when she truly connects with someone, you know, on a spiritual level it’s almost as if there’s a glow around both her and the other person, it’s like a huge, hot, red ball of energy. Can you imagine what it would be like to feel that, and then feel it growing larger and growing hotter and the hotter it gets, the more connected you start to feel and the larger it becomes the more connected, spiritually, you become and the hotter this ball of energy becomes?

This young Russian writer said that the guy she was in love with in the story was so exciting, it was as if his whole body, all his personal energy, was just telling her, ‘You need me, you need me, you need me’...and then a voice inside her seemed to say, 'Yes, it’s true, this man has what you need.’ 

Haven’t you ever felt so attracted to someone that it’s as if every part of you, your eyes, your voice, the blush of your cheeks, is just saying to this guy, ‘We are destined for each other,’ haven’t you felt this?

There's a part of the novel where this guy she is so in love with is working in a factory with her brother. The factory is making cameras copied from cameras of Germany, and the US. They are really pirates, stealing patents. The work is so hard, screwing, bolting, bending, molding... in sweaty, hot rooms, bent over tables pounding away and then also doing delicate precision work. 

In the guy's voice, in his head, he's talking about falling into the work and he says something like, 'When Jerzy next to me hands me the tool at the end of his shift, I always find myself taking a deep breath, just instinctively, you know and then I find myself getting totally absorbed in the process of examining the thing in front of me. You know, you just feel that place of passion open up inside of you, because you’re beginning to feel this emotional and even spiritual connection. This is what you feel, when you know going to do the thing that’s important right now. It’s as if, in that moment, I’m a kid again, maybe seven years old. And I’m in awe of this piece of blue wood and gunmetal gray steel that’s in my hands. I think of all the people whose lives I’m going to touch by making this as perfect as can be, and this is incredibly exciting. When I think of this sense of connection, I feel this warmth flow up through my solar plexus, down my legs, along my arms, pulsing, pulsing, pulsing. The camera feels good in my hands, because I've handled lots of them here, and I now have a deep, instinctive comfort with them, it may sound silly, but it’s a kind of oneness. I mean, you know what that’s like? You know, it’s the kind of feeling that comes from just surrendering to a sense of connection, and going with it. It’s a kind of artistry. I feel being an artist is mainly a matter of how you feel about what you do. I’m a camera-maker, boys will take nude pictures of their girls, carry those photos into the war, I will take your picture, under that tree where we made love, when you wore my hat and looked up at me from under it, you are below me, I am taking your picture and my hands know exactly how to make certain things feel good.'

I thought about a girl I used to know and love when I read that book. I don't even remember the name of it, or the author, who was very young when she wrote it, she's long dead, the book unknown, but I remember thinking of this beautiful girl when I read it, and now thinking of that girl, I was reminded of the book.

Maybe you'll remember me.

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Can you see me? I can't see myself on TV. Am I a Vampire, or a Ghost?

I don't have cable, or the Bio Channel, so I will miss my appearance on Tee Vee tonight. I hope you get to see it. Maybe you will be sweet and tell me all about it, tell me I looked good, tell me I didn't sound or look like an idiot, and just be kind to me about it in general. And if you really love me in the show, then please give me money! I would do it for you!

My brother called me to say he was interviewed on the radio this morning about ME being on the Biography Channel tonight! Why him? Why didn't I get the call? I don't get it? Did the reporter even try to contact me? Why is my family always getting my press? I need to get them to sign a nondisclosure or get some sorta gag order!

My brother said, "Well, you never want anyone to know where you are or have your number, so I didn't give it!"

I believe I'm gonna be on The Biography Channel's "My Ghost Story" tonight check your local listings. This is when the producers said I'd be on, but I dunno. Watch at your own risk!

http://www.jerrylentz.com/2010/01/finally-in-la-dreamworks-aaron-smith.html

I hope it's tonight's show I'm in, things change a lot in television. I also hope I don't come off sounding like an idiot in my interview. 

http://jerrylentz.blogspot.com/2010/01/victoria-from-bio-channel-shoot-sent-me_10.html

Well, thanks to my friend, Jessica, she found this commercial promo that shows me briefly, I'm 17 seconds into the video and that's about it for the promo, my appearance of the show will be longer. I wish I looked better, I've lost so much weight since this was shot. Maybe it's best I don't have cable, if I watched this tonight, I might not be able to sleep.

http://www.biography.com/video.do?name=myghoststory&bcpid=104613367001&bctid=106498085001

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I dreamed of an angel last night.

I was videotaping in a graveyard, there was an inner voice speaking to me about the true nature of destiny, it said, "...surrender to the all enveloping emotion" of what I feel. Then I had a paranormal experience, she hovering by a tree with Spanish moss, pointing at a sign on a tombstone, she said, "I was in touch with your path." 

She explained she was the pure soul, the inner self connected to "the flesh," and that we had succeeded in finding "the One," the other half, and that things are meant to be and that our feelings, the ones we don't even tell each other but know are there, bridge time and something overwhelming happened to us far in the past and will again soon, she said, "You are experiencing an emotional growth and I am by your side observing and helping you pass through and reach to the deeper levels that will be needed to understand what is about to take place for us. Just imagine, we've been searching for each other all these years before we even met in all these past lives!"

She said, "I have loved you since the dawn of mankind" and then floated over and kissed me.

I reached up to touch some of her soft silky hair between my thumb and fingers, but it felt rough and it was suddenly Spanish moss and I was standing alone under that tree.

Last night I had the best dream of my life and you were in it.

The dream seemed so real, there was a heavy importance to it, it was so powerful. It feels good suddenly. I love it when, you know, you feel so free, so liberated, that these feelings just flood every part of you. They just explode inside you and you find yourself shuddering, shaking, quivering because this experience has been so profound. I feel great!

It's almost as if you’re seeing lights and everything is warm and glowing and you feel like a hole inside the deepest part of you has been blown open more fully than ever before and you truly have come into a place that feels entirely satisfying.

You know when you feel this sense of possibility truly open your mind, open your bodily senses, open your thoughts, the feeling is intense... with me, penetrating every part of you, it feels like it’s pounding and pounding and pounding at the lock which keeps you from feeling what you truly need. With me, this insistent pounding, this relentless, irresistible energy, smashes down the barriers. You need this gleaming, golden, oiled key to undo that lock!

Remember back to a time when you made love and it was so good. That's how it feels to me now. Can you see it? Come with me into the past and open up, so I can feel it too. If you were to imagine it right now with me here, tell me it feels so incredible and you want it all the time, "Jerry, I long for it, and ache for it," and feel the world fade away. Telling me about it now feels so great, you know it does! Do it!

Just whisper it, then. What are you imagining right now?

I want to accomplish a few key things in the next 5 years. Been writing some ideas down as to what I want to do. To you, what would you love to happen? Am I a part of your future, your life? I wonder if you know what it’s like, when a feeling is so powerful, that it seems to come right inside you, opening and then filling completely a void inside you that you didn’t realize was now open. 

What 3 things do you want in the next 5 years? 

I've never felt this good before. I want to make you feel good.

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Look at me!

I want to tell you something. It's a secret though. I haven't told anyone, but I know you will keep it in a safe place. If I give it to you, you can come and give me something good and dirty and I promise only I will have it. I won't share it with anyone but you. That's how it is with me! You want me like that, I know. I will be that for you. Come and see! You will be so happy about it.

Got recognized out in public simply from my Facebook profile! I was in a coffee shop and a guy walked over and said he had seen me through a friend's page. He actually quoted a few things I had said. He hadn't actually added me, but said he was roommates with a guy that is on my friends list and read my stuff there. He said, "Jerry, I read your stuff all the time now on your website and think your stuff is hot!"

He was very nice and brought his wife over to meet me. "Babe, this is Jerry! He's great. When we get home, I'll show you his stuff. Amazing!"

That was kinda cool, right? Maybe I need to hangout in the coffee shops more often? It really did lift me up. Give me a boost. I needed it so badly! I was aching yesterday. Hot. Sweaty. Wet. Throbbing head! Pounding away! So I had to get something good to drink and stopped in to quench my thirst. 

I guess it was the heat. I was dizzy. I sat at a table under a fan and drank my ice tea. I hadn't had tea in a long time, but it was decaffeinated and some sort of passion fruit without any sugar. But just sitting there and hearing all this good stuff about me was sweet enough, just like honey. 

After they left, I saw a girl looking over her laptop at me. She smiled, acknowledging she overheard it all with a slight nod.

It reminded me of back when I was doing one of my first rock radio morning shows and kinda started building up a little bit of attention in this small Southern town. I'd start getting some recognition just when I'd be out shopping and someone would hear my voice. It was fun and exciting to be recognized then. I was young and needed attention.

I'd be in a music store or trying on clothes and a girl would come over in a shy way and get up the nerve to ask me, "Are you, Jerry Lentz? Oh, I listen to you all the time when I'm in bed! I set the clock radio to wake me up with you. You get me going! I even have a shower radio so I can still listen. It's wet all the time and never stops playing! I get so caught up in what you say, it's so hard to get ready for school."

I remember a girl that would call in all the time to the show with the correct answers to all my silly trivia questions. Always called. Always right. Always the smartest listener. We started talking on the phone more and more. She had a great voice. I would try and imagine what she looked like, but you can never tell by their voice!

But I'd imagine meeting her and what she'd be like. Then one day she came to pick up a prize she won and was sitting in the lobby when I walked in. She was sitting with her beautiful mother, who drove her and she really was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen! No exaggeration at all. She was so pretty, funny and smart! All in one package.

Took her to see Prince on the Purple Rain tour. Then we started hanging out, going out on dates, seeing movies and kissing!

Kissing her was the absolute best! I remember it so well, those first kisses. Imagine a juicy peach, the taste, the smell, the texture, the tickle when your lips are on the soft skin, the sweetness that squirts out, the wet lips... She was amazing!

You you remember your first kisses?

I do. It's because ours was a secret kiss. She was very young. I was only a few years older, but I was legally an adult. I was never going to take advantage of her. It's just not my way, but I did fantasize a whole lot about having my way with her. If there were "Thought Police" I'd be locked away for life! 

With her, every kiss, every time I'd touch her skin, her hands, her cheek, it was as if it were in a slight mist, a fog, a mysterious rain, cool, with steam rising off our flesh. Maybe I was delusional, but this girl did it to me. I'd completely hallucinate when she was up against me in an embrace, I'd get woozy, it was all so unreal. I wanted her so bad. 

Imagine how it felt, me up and opening her door and it was raining and everywhere was wet so we hid under this huge tree. The radio played in my car, I could hear it muffled like the sound was a moan under a pillow, or blanket. The headlights illuminated the falling rain in it's beams, it looks like glitter, her wet bare feet below me, she steps up on top of my shoes, so they won't be too wet and dirty, fog passes through the beams and it seems like this must be heaven. 

I remember being surprised at how soft and warm her lips were even though we were both totally wet. The rain was actually dripping onto our faces from the leaves above as we kissed. Her lips were so sensitive, so soft, so moist and I had to be so gentle with her, because she was young, innocent and because I cared so deeply for her and wanted her safe. I never expected my first kiss with her to be like that. We ran back to where we were meant to be both totally wet with a secret that was hard to keep.

I told you now, so can you keep my secret?

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I'm leaving!

I think I've had it! Life's just too tough. Dreams that don't come true are so heartbreaking to experience. Yesterday, I did something I've never done in my entire life! I walked into the Department of Social Services to apply for Food Stamps and any kind of assistance. 

Man, that sure was a pride swallowing kick on the crotch. Not that I'm judging anyone, but I didn't look like any of the people that was crowded around me there for the same thing. They certainly looked like they needed help, or wandered out of a mental hospital, or escaped from jail...

My utilities are scheduled to be disconnected day after tomorrow. Eviction is very near. It's so hot outside, but I am preparing for the possibility of living in my Honda Civic. 

This is something I would never have imagined I would do. Always felt I was smart enough to think my way out of trouble. Figured I had enough energy and skills that an employer would always see it and snap me up. Jobs used to fall in my lap! What happened? Why do I blame myself? Am I to blame?

Then, why can't I make it on my own? What's keeping me from writing that bestselling book, making that popular film, working on that exciting TV series, or creating that income generating website?

All I need is just a lil' break, a helping hand to pick me up out of this hole, an offer of hope.

Why is this happening to me? What am I meant to learn from this experience? Why am I crying so much? Where are my benevolent angels that usually guide and protect me and offer hope and help? Can't they hear my prayers?

Why do I feel so alone?

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Now remove your panties while I ask you these very personal questions.

Please be aware of your feelings as I ask you these questions. You may feel a nervous tension in the stomach, a tingling sensation, goosebumps, heavy breathing, racing pulse, a moistness, your eyes may water, an aching hollow feeling in your pelvic area, nervous fidgeting, shaking hands, and other signs these questions are penetrating you in the deepest ways when you come up with the answers in your head.

What's one way you get your lover to do what you want them to?

Have you ever been over at the house of a girlfriend, or boyfriend and for a moment they're out of the room and their answering machine picks up a call from someone that is obviously having sex with them? What did you do? What would you do?

What was the worst way you discovered that a lover was cheating on you? What did you do? What would you like to have done?

Has anyone ever been violent to you? What happened? How did you feel? Did you get help? What happened to the violent person? How did you get over it, if you did? Your story may empower someone else to break free!

Have you ever said, "Honey, while you're up, can you get me a ....?" What was it that you wanted and what was the reaction you got? Has it ever been asked of you? How did you feel?

Have you ever had anything stolen from you? What was it? How did it feel? Did you ever figure out who did it? What did you want to do to the person that did it?

What's the worst haircut disaster you ever had going to a salon, beauty parlor, friend's house... What happened? Was it so bad you couldn't go out in pubic? What did you do? How did you feel?

Sometimes I feel stupid! There are times where I will tell a woman, "I think you're so beautiful!" and then she'll make a face and say, "But I'm not wearing makeup, my hair isn't washed, I'm wearing shitty clothes because I was cleaning, I'm wearing glasses cause I don't have my contacts in..." I wish I was able to see people as they are on the outside more than just on the inside. Maybe my life would be easier. Do you ever think of ways other than your current behavior, that might make it easier for you to interact with a potential lover?

Thank you for you honest answers. You may leave your panties off for the rest of our time together.

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Do you mind? Is it okay if I play some music while I do this to you?

You can come whenever you want, you're always welcome here. Understand that you will feel good no matter what happens to you. I can see that you are breathing fast, panting even, just be aware of the rise and fall of your breasts and follow that flow of air, the tingling sensation in the follicles of your scalp, the tiny beads of sweat developing just around the hairline and below. Me! Just focus on me and what I'm telling you to do now. Feel the prickly itch on the back of your neck as it slowly moves down the spine, between your shoulder blades, to the small curve of your back and around the round mounds of your bottom, and be aware of the tickle of your garments sliding down your thighs, knees, calves and even the panties fall around your ankles. 

With the power of your imagination picture the symbol of this church the letters "JL" enclosed in a circle, the pleasing feeling that wraps around you, hugs you as you look up to it and give yourself to it's amazing power.

The symbolic power behind the letters "JL" is mythic! Whole books have been written about it! You'd do well to allow yourself into my inner circle, to relinquish all inhibitions, to open yourself up to me as my masculine powers of sexual energy encompass and possess the very core of your beautiful soul and body. You are mine forever!

In the dark of the warehouse, I had Angela stripped nude, suspended from ropes, pulleys, block and tackle, tied by chains to a thick iron beam in the ceiling. Her ankles were tied to her bare thighs. Wrists behind her back. Straps around her hips and crisscrossing her breasts. She floated face down and horizontally in space. Her pretty auburn hair was matted to her wet pale face. I walked around her observing every detail of her thin body. She was exposed and open to my every touch and anything I might think up, but I would have to hurry as I needed to be done with her soon and with as few marks on her flesh as possible, for she was teaching School.

I wiped the sweat off my face with the bottom of my t-shirt, but she could see I was also wiping away my tears. Trying to avoid looking her in the eyes, I focused on her chipped black nail polish and her hand resting on my knee. 

"When your desire has been found, you'll be running far away!" She said in a cracked whisper. 

She was right. I always ran from anything that might require effort or was even good for me, and she was both.

The void she left in the apartment was palpable. It seemed dimmer, as though a cloud was passing overhead. There was less oxygen. Hard to breathe. Only my toothbrush in the glass. Only my clothes hanging in the closet. Only my books on the shelves. Carrying the trash out to the dumpster, a tear in the Hefty released some things she had thrown away. Walking back, on the pavement I found a torn picture of us smiling and hugging each other years ago in front of Cinderella's Castle in Disneyland.

Ever have one of those days, where someone calls and you don't answer it, someone knocks at your door and you don't go see who it is, Jesus appears before you in the living room, yet you refuse to accept him as your personal savior or allow him into your heart?

You can relax here. Be yourself. You will not be judged. You will be accepted. You will be loved. Come again, anytime you wish.

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Did you know John Lennon and I have the same initials?

Here I am wearing a t-shirt of John at the Statue of Liberty that my friend's mom bought for me at Hot Topic. Yes, I'm still young enough to wear things from HT, I even have a HT Card!

Lennon and I have many similarities other than just the same initials, as I'm sure you know. Such as; we both have a rebellious nature and acerbic wit, his first band was The Quarrymen, and I used to hunt for quartz crystals at a quarry as a preteen, he loved poetry, films, writing, being class clown, both our mothers died when we were young, he wrote "Jealous Guy", and I recently discovered I am one as well, he lived in the UK, I lived in the UK, he lived in New York, I lived in New York, he was an activist, I'm an activist… I could go on and on, but as you see we are so close it's mind-boggling!

Going through some old boxes of clothes, I found a pair of jeans from 20 years ago, that still fit me! I remember buying them in Dallas, in Deep Ellum... I can't believe I still have them! They fit perfectly! No, I'm not bragging about being able to fit my hot toned sexy body into them after all these years, at all... I'm just amazed the fabric is still intact after all the moves I've made and all the moths, moisture and mold they've probably been exposed to.

After posting this photo on my Facebook page several people emailed me about the photo, such as this one from a young lady.

"Jerry, I've been staring at your picture for sometime now, can't get work done. Do you know all the lines converge onto your crotch? The first thing I notice in the picture is your crotch! My eyes are mysteriously drawn to your loins and I wonder about what hard, thick and meaty secret your pants conceal…"

It was pretty lengthy, the email that is and I considered deleting the picture after getting those kinda messages, but seriously why does it upset me? People make up things in their head all the time. People love to open their mouths and say things like that to get a rise out of me. I'd like to be able to take it all as a compliment. It's not like they are insulting me. When people do, I know how that feels, too.

I get in bed and contemplate my next move in life. What will I do? Where will I go? Who will love me? Who will help me? How will I survive the future?

Below me on my bed, is a soft pillow top mattress pad filled with potpourri that smells of patchouli and sandalwood, it's used to stimulate, calm, relax the mind and create erotic emotions. I wish you could climb up on it and feel how hard it is to ignore how great it is! Come with me and see! Is there a scent that drives you crazy?

I use Axe Dark Temptation! I love the smell of it. I don't know if anyone else does, but I love it. I still love smell of Sex Panther by Odion, but I'll save that for my special kitten.

There's so many cool people I'd love to add to my list of friends, but Facebook has blocked me from adding anymore people. Not that I need anymore friends, because you (if you are my Facebook Friend) are cool enough, but there's some friends of yours that I bet might be fun to have join in on our talks. Please add me now!

http://www.facebook.com/jerrylentz

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The Fantastic Night...

...of Terror that Menaced the Fate of the World!

Smart girls turn me on! Girls in shiny tight black pvc outfit that have superior technology get me all hard. I never feel insecure if the woman I'm with uses robots or machinery to please herself, I don't consider it cheating, there's always something for me to do at the same time, or I can just set back and watch the awe and mystery of the spectacle. I love a girl that's smarter than me, and if she's got a raygun, a flying saucer and a dark sense of humor... I want her to take me back to her home world!

I used to have the awesome poster for this film, but I'm ashamed to say I never watched the film. That is, until now! I really liked it! Great cast! Cool set design! And the Devil Girl's costume is pretty hot! Did they have vinyl or pvc back in the 50s? I want my girl to dress up like this!

"Red hair with a curl, Mello-Roll for the flavor and the eyes for peeping. Can't keep away from the girl, these two sides of my brain need to have a meeting. Can't think of anything to do, my left brain knows that all love is fleeting. She's just looking for something new and I said it once before, but it bears repeating..."

Happy Birthday, Nikola Tesla! The pioneering inventor, electrical engineer, and scientist was born 153 years ago in what is now Croatia. If it wasn't for Nikola Tesla, we wouldn't have the band, Tesla!

I wish I had something cool and fun planned for the weekend. I need some fun right now! Maybe you have a good idea of something fun to do? What are you gonna do?

Finally got around to watching, "Pirate Radio" and really liked it, when the film played in the UK as "The Boat that Rocked" I did a few radio interviews with some old friends about our time in the late 80s, as you probably know I worked briefly on a pirate radio ship and had to be airlifted with the rest of the crew when we drifted and slammed into sand during a huge storm. Scary! The film brought back fond memories and there were moments that were very touching to me. 

Being pulled up into an RAF Helicopter in 100 mile an hour winds, when I can't swim, or could have fallen to the deck, is not a good thing when you're not getting paid much and you're facing visa and passport trouble as well as prison time. 

I have a fear of heights, or rather a fear of falling from a great height, but I believe I would dig this and with a decal package, pinstriping, KC lights, a gun rack and some curb feelers, I could make this rock!

Had the coolest dream! Come see! Men need not respond to this one. It was just us two together! Can you psychically tell me what we were doing in it? Open your mind, feel the psychic-feminine aspect of your body, what does your gut say, down below, me and you in this juicy mind blowing dream... What were we doing? Come on! You can tell me now! 

Here's a hint; You were on a ladder reaching up for an old book on the top shelf, I was holding the ladder and looking up your skirt. I know, I'm bad. Sorry, but as in life, I don't have complete control of myself in my dreams.

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