Happy New Year!!! Kiss me, or get a spanking! I know I need some!
My hard drive seems to have crashed and I may have lost all that I am. It may be a few weeks before I get my MacBook Pro back, so my online appearances will be limited with very few wardrobe changes and musical dance numbers. I can't sleep. Horrible dreams about my MacBook and all that I lost in the hard drive crash. Using a friend's pc while they sleep. Haunted by a ghost in the room I'm sleeping in and wondering if it's the spirit of my dead computer. Sad. All my work. It wasn't backed up, so much of my genius is history. The documentary I've been editing is most likely lost. Three books I've been writing, gone. All the porn I've collected over the last few days, toast. Please put me in your thoughts and prayers that it can be saved. It won't always be easy for me to be online as I can't afford the cost of repairs right now. While trying to distract myself from this trauma, using my friend's pc, I read on Yahoo News that sex is best with women over 50! The most I've had sex with was two women at one time with another girl just watching, I hated it! I can't imagine over 50! See, I thought it meant, over 50 women... Not women over 50... Never mind. Also, while I'm here people have been messaging me wonderful thoughts and letters, some asking how I make love so well, just let me say my great secret in lovemaking is... I use a full stick of real butter.
Lately I've been driving by this strip club called The Toy Box and whenever I do I always think about the horrible night I saw this film at a party in Dallas and a girl, being all silly, jumped up on a glass table top to do a strip tease. Well, the glass broke and she fell through slicing an artery in her thigh, splattering all of us with blood. My belt was used as a tourniquet and while carrying her down the stair in my arms, my pants fell down for all the neighbors to see.
Everyday in my email I get these bank statements and account balances sent to me and it's so depressing. Little by little it gets chipped away with bank fees, NSF, gas, groceries… I'm just one guy. I don't have any big expenses. I don't have kids to feed. No wife to support. No drug habit. No cult to hand over wages to. No house payment. No rent. No car payment. Nothing! I've been watching and waiting for what little money I have to drain away.
I think I'm pretty frugal except maybe for eating out, but I eat at very cheap places where the food is cheaper than I could buy and fix it myself, and I usually get free coupons, or am lucky that I have friends who will pick up the check from time to time.
The other day a waitress I kinda know found out I had been living in my car and she exclaimed, "Oh, I wish you had told me!"
"Why? Why does that bother you?"
"Because I'm a human being and I wouldn't have let that happen to you!"
Hmm. People say the coolest things without actually doing anything. It's very sweet to hear someone say, "I know you need this, so I will take care of this for you. Look for it in the mail." Say they were gonna send you a check for medical expenses, maybe rent or something. Then, it never arrives. Yet, they feel better just for offering. It's the thought that counts, right?
Some people, yet very few, actually do more than offer. Some will track you down and force their help upon you. Those are real Angels. Spiritual Warriors, I imagine. Some spend all their time rescuing animals, but allow their fellow humans to fall. Some call to check up, find out where you are, drive around looking for you, stop by, give you a hug, shake your hand and slip you $40 in that handshake so you won't be embarrassed. Some take you to dinner and say, "Whew! I'm full, here take the rest of this with you. Let's box it up!" Some tell you, "This is my guest room, but I use it as an office sometimes, if you can figure out how to hook this printer up for me, I would love it if you would sleep on this bed for as long as you need it in exchange for doing that!" Some tell you, "Look, we're poor college students, we ain't got shit, but it sure would be cool if we had a man around, an adult, ya know, not some frat boy, someone that could take care of things, take care of us, ya know… It's hard to be a girl, all alone at school away from mommy and daddy, although daddy never was around anyway, but seriously… We have one bed, but it's huge! It's cold out, but we can make it warm in here. The girls and I have talked it over and we've all come to the idea of you staying with us for a long, long time."
I used to know a guy that constantly proclaimed how charitable he was. Always on the board for this group or that. Always talking about the funds he was raising for nonprofits or raffling off goods and services for different causes… Only to discover he wasn't doing anything but pocketing the money himself.
Nothing is worse than waiting for that check that never arrives. I've been a freelancer for years and the client always wants their stuff yesterday, but when it comes to getting paid, it's 30 days, 90 days, 120 days… Never.
My whole life has been waiting.
Waiting for tomorrow to arrive. Waiting for love to arrive. Waiting for that big break. Waiting for the pain to subside. Waiting for a ride. Waiting for the date to be over. Waiting for the yelling to stop. Waiting for the wrists to heal. Waiting for the movie to end. Waiting for the run of the play to be over. Waiting for the divorce. Waiting in line. Waiting on the State Trooper to run your plates. Waiting for that big check that will change everything. Waiting for the book to be finished. Waiting for the publisher, the movie studio, the television network, the museum to buy your masterpiece. Waiting for the change to come. Waiting for the orgasm. Waiting for you to rescue me. Waiting for me to fix everything. Waiting for you to fix everything. Waiting for the kiss that makes you forget all the pain.
I narrowly escaped a fire at Walmart this morning! I might need you to rub me down with some soothing salve! Maybe you could draw me a bath and sponge me first? I would be so grateful to you if you did. The smoke was thick. My lungs filled with noxious fumes. I bet I need a chest massage as well. Just for medicinal purposes! Jeez! You act like I'm gonna get off on having soft warm hands sliding over my hot oiled chest, ripped abs, hardened biceps, thick muscular thighs... I mean... Did you say something?
Look, I'm lucky to be alive today! You should be gentle with me!
I didn't even get to buy the supplies I went in for! If you're heading out to the store, I need some Cherry flavored NyQuil, some Robitussin, and some Vick's Vapor Rub... Oh and can you be a sweetie and rub some Vick's on my chest and balls, I just know it'll make me feel better!
Okay, maybe Vick's on my balls is a strange one, but I thought after you lubed my nuts up, you could blow on them and we could see what that's like, but I understand.
Gee, maybe you're right. I dunno what I was thinking. I was just bored, I suppose. What do you think you'd rather rub on them, then?
I'd love to give you a big kiss, but I lost my Cherry Chapstick in the heat of the fire!
Now that all my Xmas presents have been opened, played with, packed away or sold for cash to buy food or drugs, what can I set my sights on in this coming future?
I dunno, either.
January 1st is coming up and that's always a good point for me to start to be prolific in something. Maybe I will start those books, or finish those books that I have started. Do something I've never done before!
Maybe I need to just focus on myself for a while. Forget about what other people might think or want. Just try and please myself, make myself happy if I can. Everyone I know is busy. Busy working, busy trying to pay off their houses, busy taking care of their families… I got none of that!
I should feel free, I suppose. Maybe I need to figure out how to make this work for me. How can I? What can I do with all this freedom? Could I recreate myself into someone I'd rather be? Who do I really want to be, anyway? Why not just be myself?
Visiting people can be fun, but really you can do that on the phone, or Skype just as easily. Traveling might be something I should do more of this coming year. I could meet new people. Make new friends. Visit cool and mysterious places. My absence from old friends would only make our conversations more interesting. So maybe I should jump on a ship and explore the world and see what's out there for me.
An old friend emailed me to talk about our younger days and to wish me happy holidays and he started talking about the marriages that did work for him and the cost of raising his kids and the mortgages on his various houses and boats. As he was talking I started thinking about how I wish I had a sponsor like the artists of by gone days had. I could have some wealthy old lady patron supporting my bullshit artistic endeavors so I didn't have to work at some crappy job. They would let me live in a room in the castle so I could paint and create.
Then as my friend was dumping on me about how horrible his life is, I starting thinking about how I'd like to be like David Bowman in "2001" living alone in some awesome hotel room where everything is taken care of, or even better, I could be like Cap'n Pike in Star Trek and live in dreams and fantasies that these aliens set up for me to observe how I deal with them and see if I can procreate with a sexy female.
These two scenarios work for me, but I like the last one more.
This Christmas Rocked!I got to hangout and eat at a wonderful family dinner populated by pretty girls, helicopter pilots, great food... such as the ham that was injected with some kinda Cajun and praline crack, we had a blast talking, goofing around, being silly... I was so stuff with food I could barely move, but then 15 minutes later driving in the cold rain, I discovered I was still hungry, but there was not a single place open to eat.Hope you had a great and safe Christmas!
I drove over into Georgia to spend Christmas Eve with Jessica and her family. They open gifts tonight and then another special hidden cache of gifts in the morning. I never heard of such a thing! There was a ton of gifts! I even got stuff and I think I may have been a bad boy this year. I thought I was getting coal, but I got awesome stuff! Shirts, books, and other stuff, plus I got some much needed cash! There was great food which was wonderful because I've been starving. There was different drinks. I heard funny stories and we all laughed. Now I'm drinking tea, which is good, because I'm getting very sleepy and I have a long drive back into Alabama to the place I'm staying. A very sweet friend and his wife are putting me up because they did not like the idea of me sleeping in my car over the holidays. I'm glad I'll be in a bed indoors, it's very cold outside and there are some great thick quilts on this bed they have me sleeping in. Merry Christmas! Hope you have a fantastic day!
Wanted to see what I had, so I got my cameras out, just to get it ready, polish it up, and then pack it in. I have so many projects I need to finish that I'm getting behind on. I was getting depressed at how the work has piled up with no real end in sight.
I was looking at some scenes I've shot that are just staring back at me from the edit bins. Good stuff, too. I want to relax and take time with it, massage it, work it, open it up and see how it moves. I just need a place to do it in! Can't do this in my car in a Walmart parking lot! I need a home!
I need a place to unwind, chill, pour some wine, have my girl over, put a record on the turntable, burn some incense and have her undress for me in the candlelight.
Being that I'm a Gemini born at just the perfect moment to make me the Messiah of Gemini, you could never get bored with me. See, I'm really a twin, and that's what's on my medallion that hangs on a gold chain around my neck. See me as your twin lovers, one that's sweet and loving and one that's a bad boy rogue who likes it rough. I could even double team you, with you being the meat on the rotisserie. Maybe spank you hard for your crimes, then gently rub all your pain away. If I hurt you, I'll make wine of your tears.
I was just outside looking at the big beautiful moon and wondering if it even knew I was here. Someday I want to go there and tell it, "Thank you for all the beautiful nights!" I could watch the moonlight on the curves of your body and sparkle in your eyes.
I think if I had a choice I'd like to be awaken by a kiss. Maybe a kiss on the cheek. I would also like to have my bottom rubbed. Just in case you find me sleeping.
Another freezing night in my car. My cell phone battery has died. I parked in front of a pizza shop and noticed an electrical outlet on the brick wall and plugged my laptop in so I could use the USB to charge the phone. There is some kind of neon light in the window of the store that looks to be shorting out and everything around me has a sort of a cobalt blue quality. While I like this color I seem to be suffering from some sort of eye fatigue. Maybe this is some kind of security light to repel homeless people, or maybe it's like some giant bug zapper and I'm getting too close. When I look at the light I can actually see the veins that are inside my eyeballs.
Had a pretty sweet night with friends! I got free food, fresh homemade cookies, hugs, kisses, chlorophyll... Now I'm back in my car, but with a full belly and a warm heart!
I was just nodding off earlier and thought I should get out of my pants, so I wiggled and wiggled and got my jeans down to my ankles before I realized, "Cheese and Rice! I forgot, I'm sleeping in my car!”
How would I have explained that to the police officer?
"Mister Lentz I'm gonna have to ask you to take this Breathalyzer Test. Now I want you to put this tube in your mouth!"
(Unzippping Police Trousers Sound FX)
(Music: Bow Chicka Bow Wow)
"Mister Lentz, it says here on your drivers license that you wear glasses!"
"But Officer, I have CONTACTS!"
"Mister Lentz, I don't care who you know, I'm hauling your ass in!"
(Handcuff Sound FX)
(Music: Bow Chicka Bow Wow)
I was watching a mother possum and her five babies trying to figure out how to get into the dumpster last night. She turned and stared right at me through my windshield. I can't help but think their faces look just like the description some abductees give of aliens.
Going to try and park in the same place see if I can see the possum family again. They might be my new friends! Maybe they're really aliens and can take me away.
I know there's only a few days left for Xmas shopping and people are still asking me for an address to send me something, but really an email is fine. Many are using Paypal to send money gifts, that's sweet and so useful, but please, let's try and keep those gifts under $100! It does mean a lot to me, but there's no way I can return the favor at this time. If you choose to gift me with funds please use the donate button at the top right side of my website.
"The air is clean. Your skin is clear. I've had enough of hangin' round here. Saw me calling love, somewhere deep inside. Saw me calling you, somewhere I can hide. And time is a string of pearls. See the future just hanging there. And you crave a new perspective looking down on my objectives. New instructions, whatever their directions. It's all right, one day I'll be back. Yeah, I hope I remember where it's at. Oh, see me slide. Won't you take me back there? Zooming in, zooming out. Nothing I can do about it. A lens to see it all up close. Magnifying what everybody knows."
I've stayed at the Million Dollar Hotel. I do think of that sad place when I hear this song, but I also think about standing alone at the end of the pier in Ventura at 2am above crashing waves and screaming out to heaven and the darkness the name of the girl I've always loved and wondering if she'd take me back.
I've spent the last few days staying in one hotel. I don't have the money to spare. Felt like I needed a break. It was so wonderful to fill the tub with hot water and soak for over an hour. It was like I was in my own space. I wasn't a burden to anyone. No one was stressed out because of me. I didn't have to tip toe around eggshells. I could just be me. By myself. Writing. Listening to music. Sleeping. Snoring without worry that I would be disturbing anyone by doing so.
Several of my friends have been worried about me. Tonight I tried sleeping in my car. A couple of my friends got very angry when I refused their assistance. Repeated phone calls were made to me. Demands were ignored. Tears were shed. And I was heartbroken. Heartbroken that I would allow this to happen to me.
I've been brushing it off as if I were just camping. I was pretending to myself that it would be okay. Being macho, tough about it, sucking it up and being stupid. It didn't take long for it to become dangerous.
Sitting in my front seat, as I'm doing now, but parked in a different parking lot, in front of a Walmart. My car was off in a secluded and empty part. Since everything I own is packed away inside my little car there is no room to let my seat back, so I've been trying to sleep sitting up. It's very uncomfortable, but I've done it on airplanes.
Just as I was almost nodding off a big car with dark windows and thumping music emanating from inside pulls up next to me and just sits there with their engine running. They could've parked anywhere in the parking lot but they parked right next to me and just sat there for the longest time.
After about five excruciating minutes I started my engine and drove away to the empty parking lot that I'm sitting in now. One that thankfully has Wi-Fi.
It was a good drive and gave my engine a chance to heat up. I need some heat. Even though the temperature gauge says it's 31° it feels so much more colder than that. All my windows are fogged up now. I'm trying to type with gloves on. I'm so thankful this laptop is warm.
…I know when I was leaving I said I wouldn't come back, but then I went back a few times for work. I figure if I'm gonna be living in my car in the South in the winter, I might as well be living in my car where it's warmer and more excepted.
In LA I knew plenty of actors that came out to work and found themselves living in their cars. The ones that didn't either got paying gigs, lived with friends, or they did tricks to earn enough to get a small apartment somewhere while paying for classes. I don't want to have to blow anyone, so I'll sleep in my car until money comes in.
Lately, I have discovered I'm that dedicated to the craft of acting, so much so that I will work regardless of pay for the sheer joy of the process without resorting to turning tricks on the side to survive. It's not that I don't think I could make money, either! Let me tell you I have been offered, buddy!
In fact, I was just on the calculator adding up what I could possibly pull in, even accounting for the recession and it being the Xmas Holiday season, and if I hustled I bet I could almost afford a small efficiency apartment. But that would be a lot of work and I'd be too worn out for acting classes, or acting onstage, or sitting down, or anything I imagine.
Speaking of fun, my New Podcast is up and it's pretty funny! It's an interview by Jerome Jackson for some southern radio stations about acting in theatre and about the play I just did. Please listen, I think you'll enjoy it!
Wow! Another absolutely amazing show tonight! Seriously, an award winning performance by me, I kid you not. I don't get it, where have I been all my life? I know I would pay money to see me in a film or play. I'm just that good. I'm not one of those so-called "starfuckers" but if I saw myself doing what I did tonight, I would do whatever it took to get in my pants and I'm not even gay as far as I know!
I was doping myself up earlier for another performance tonight. I didn't eat anything until right before the show. I took all my cold medicine, had a big shot of rum and rubbed Vick's VapoRub® on my chest and even on my balls, just to give me a slightly distracting edge. Don't worry I won't make this a habit.
"Wish me luck! Break a leg, Jerry!" He said to himself in the mirror as he swallowed some "nerve" pills, antihistamines and Tramadols with some Cherry Flavored NyQuil®.
Well, it worked! I rocked again! Sadly, tonight was the last night for this play. We had a very sweet wrap party where we said our goodbyes, gave each other hugs and kisses and promised to keep in touch and to work together again. You know how that is.
I wish you could see me do what I did onstage tonight. I was fucking mind-blowing! I would love to do it again. Just for you. I could give you a private performance. A one man show. Let's make the foot of the bed a stage. I will stand above you on the mattress and perform. I will give you a good show. Below me, you watch behind a string of Christmas lights as the footlights stretch across the bed. The play is from my heart. The words were written when we spoke truthfully about our love in letters, in phone calls and in dreams. My monologue is about us and how we became who we are and where we are headed. You can imagine and see our bright and beautiful future on my face and sparkling in my tear-filled eyes. You are moved. Your heart is racing. Your stomach quivers with undulating emotions. Uncontrollably, you reach up onto the stage to wrap your arms around the calf of my leg, squeezing me tight while you caress my bare, muscular thigh. The curtain falls as the bed sheet floats down over us, we embrace and I begin a new penetrating performance where you are in fact the star.
My car can't make another cross country trip again. My tires are balder than I am. My muffler is dragging the ground. It rides so rough.
Please be careful out there! This Xmas shopping is nuts! I almost got hit by a mom in an SUV filled with kids as she ran a light at about 90mph missing me by inches! Scary!
Okay Los Angeles Friends, listen up… looks like I might be coming back sooner than I thought... Can I sleep on your couch? Let me know of any gigs, too!
Might be appearing on a couple of TV shows, maybe do some more theatre work… I don't really know what I'm gonna do. I'm so lost right now. I got an offer to do some TV, the money is good, but it's on one of those shows where I would be totally humiliated and branded as a douche for life. Yet, I need the money. I'm so poor right now.
I was so awesome onstage last night! I wish you could have seen me! I'm not kidding, you know how I usually hate myself, so you know this must be true then, right? Good thing Sean Penn wasn't there to see it, because he woulda said, "Man, after seeing Jerry I realize I've been phoning it in all these years."
I hope tonight's show goes just as well! It's the last night. I've dreaded doing these, but now I know I'm gonna be sad it's over. I know the medication made it work for me performance-wise, I have all the same cold and flu medication laid out to try and capture that magical chemical cocktail combination that I achieved last night.
Maybe I should just up the dosage and get it over with… This is gonna be a very sad Xmas if it continues going the way it's going.
…come and lay at me feet next to the fire. Warm your sweet soft flesh and loosen those tight troublesome garments. Make yourself more comfortable, undo your brassiere, pull down your frilly panties and lay your face on my lap.
However, this room you see me sitting in was a set in the mall in the small southern town I was visiting today.
"Bona Saturnalia!" December 17th is the day the ancient Roman festival of Saturnalia began, in which masters and slaves were said to trade places. I wish you were my slave! I would spank you so good! Then after you caught me, I'd let you spank me for a while. Deal?
I dunno, today started off kinda sucking... I didn't want it to, but I was feeling down and the B12 is doing shit for me! I need something stronger! I feel like such a prize! Stopped up head, blowing nose, hacking cough... What a wild world it would be if having a cold made you somehow sexier!
Had to go back onstage tonight, but you know what? I was freaking AWESOME! I actually may be one of the best actors I've ever seen! I really think I am! I was so medicated for the cold, flu, stress, depression, aches and pains… That I was out of my mind and completely free to be the best actor of my generation! Everyone complemented me! Young guys shook my hand and said, "Damn, you are fucking amazing!" Young girls actually swooned when they met me after the show, "Jerry, you really are something! Would you please give me your cock… er, I mean autograph?"
The house was packed, sold out, possibly due to the radio interview I did last week.
A few times during my performance, and most likely because of all the drugs I was on, I left my body and could view myself performing from slightly off the stage and up near the lights. I hovered there for a time until I became aware that this might not be right and suddenly fell back into my body.
I never hear the term, "Astral Projection" anymore. I used to hear it all the time when I was a kid. Maybe it's been replaced by, "Remote Viewing" even though that is really something different. Even "Lucid Dreaming" and "Biofeedback" and "Isolation Tank" seem to have fallen by the wayside in conversations I have with people with poor social skills.
Kinda bummed. Had a weird tiresome dream earlier that I haven't quite deciphered yet. Sad about leaving the wonderful Southern B&B I've been recuperating in this past week. Saying so long to the wonderful staff and nurses who have cared for me during my illness. Getting ready for my long drive back to homelessness and loneliness. Lost a place to stay. No place to sleep. Looks like I'm back in the car again. Wish me luck!
After the play tonight, still giddy from the shear awesomeness of it and not in my right mind, I blow what little money I have on a hotel room just to reward myself on tonight's performance and tomorrow's final night of the play. I kickback on the bed and think of you. I need your wet kisses, your tongue pushing out over your soft lips and sliding across mine, your warm palm on the back of my neck, your other hand undoing my belt, my left hand on the small of your bare back as my right gently sits the revolver back into the desk drawer next to the Gideon Bible, I slide the drawer shut and pulls the chain on the lamp leaving us illuminated by the red neon hotel sign pouring through the Venetian blinds.
...of me up onstage and you below me in the dark, while I entertain and arouse your emotions.
It felt good to not be performing these last few days! Always putting on a show. Always pretending to be someone else. Acting older. Wearing makeup. Dressing in an old man's clothes. Walking funny with a cane.
I believe my cold and illness hit me because my body was rejecting the pressure of being onstage. It doesn't seem natural to do it. Yet, once I'm onstage no other place seems to be better. It's like I'm meant to be there. I feel the excitement, the energy, then suddenly, I lose myself, I become someone else, something else… I feel free!
Ya know what? I'm once again dreading Friday and Saturday. It must stop! When will this torment end?
Well, it ends this weekend! I want it to be over, but I know I will be sad. Sad to not have all those feelings churning up inside me. I must plan my next project! I want to write a play. I want to stage something unique and never done before, or an old play in a way it's never been seen. Something surprising. Something shocking. Something that can't be ignored even if it's hated. I want to drive a nail into the mind of an audience!
I won a race yesterday where I was running against a teenager! She tried her best. She even ran completely out of her shoes! I was weighted down with two heavy coats and a pocket of loose change and various nasal inhalers and Cherry Chapstick due to my illness and the cold weather, but still I beat this healthy young girl! I am the friggin' man! Where's my award?
For a reward, I had a bottle of chocolate milk! May not mean much to you, but I haven't had one in years, being I'm lactose intolerant and have reduced dairy from my strict diet. Still, it was an absolute pleasure feeling the cool smooth pasteurized and homogenized goodness cascade over my hot wet tongue while getting a Grade A Vitamin D high.
I'm just proud because I've been feeling old lately and May is coming up quick and being 29 doesn't last forever and even if the teenager is rather sickly girl, she's young, thin, and Ninja-like, so winning that race was one of my proudest moments.
Got the most awesomest news I could ever get! Something I've wanted for 20 years has had the last obstacle removed from my path. All the puzzle pieces have fallen into place. All the dots are connected. All the stars have aligned. OMG! Now I'm scared! I just need someone to hold my hand and walk me through it!
It's top secret! I really wish I could share, but just know it's a good and wonderful thing! I may be able to reveal this news by my b'day! I hope so, anyway! Still reeling from the excitement! Let me see how this goes. I can't ever keep a secret anyway.
I've always loved Hammer films! I grew up on them. Wanted to live in their world. This is one of my favorite documentaries about the studio. I just found this on youtube and know it won't last long, so you best enjoy while you can.
Also, I enjoyed, "A History of Horror with Mark Gatiss" it's in three parts, but those parts are broken up on youtube, it will take some searching for you, but it's so well worth it. Here's the first part to get you started on your journey through horror!
Here's the first part of Mark Gatiss's adaptation of HG Wells's science fiction classic!
Wow, this post today is all about Mister Gatiss… Oh well, I dig him!
Here I am reporting from The South still ill but getting better thanks to the wonderful nurses who are pampering me back to health with hot chocolate, cookies, eggplants, tomato bisque soups, chicken and noodles, Cherry flavored NyQuil and silly fun! I hear laughter is the best medicine and they sure are making me laugh.
Last night they were so silly starting a game where they might say, "I like my men like I like my cheese... sharp!" Or, "I like my men like I like my biscuits... hot and buttered!" I thought it would never end!
Really silly stuff! They also introduced me to the game of naming a book title followed by, "...in my pants!" It's a fun game to play at the bookstore and you'll get fun stuff like, "EAT THIS, NOT THAT... in my pants!" or "TOO BIG TO FAIL... in my pants!"
Yes, these nurses are silly girls! It was funnier being that I was tanked up on NyQuil.
Here I am hiding out while being sick. I'm like the cat that hides under the bed when it's not feeling well. I've made a tent out of the covers. I've stacked the pillows like walls of my fortress. I've turned out the lights and closed the blinds to recreate the canopy of the night sky. Your sparkling eyes checking up on me can be the shootings stars I make wishes on!
Have you ever dated someone that was married but they said they were separated then some time later you go, "...oh, you're still married?" and they go, "Yeah, so?" and you go, "Oh, it's just that I thought..." and they go, "...and your problem is?" and then you realize they have a whole different way of looking at life and love than you do? What did you do? I overheard this conversation last night at the theatre and wondered what they were going to do.
From what I could tell, the woman was dating the man who was separated from his wife and I suppose had promised to divorce, but time went by and he just failed to do so. He obviously was getting what he wanted and didn't need to rush the divorce, but then I dunno the situation. I've heard if children are involved a divorce takes more time.
All these guys cheating on Elizabeth Hurley; Do you think there might be some things she just doesn't do? What's she not doing?
Ever had a lover taken from you just because the other person could do it?
Then later, maybe because of that discussion, I heard the young actors in my play talking about their favorite "death scenes" in movies and thought this might make a good question to ask you. So what is it?
Maybe the hole is the magic like the eye of the brainstorm that brings a reprieve to the chaos of bullshit that spirals around us at any given moment.
I was thinking about magic when the waitress said, "Jerry, if I gave you a chocolate covered donut for free, would you give us your honest opinion about whether we should serve donuts or not?"
It was good! It gave me a break form thinking about the crap I was dealing with. That was a much needed break!
Did the play again. Sick and thoroughly medicated as usual. Well, tonight's show wasn't too bad either! Big crowd! Big laughs! Big dose of Cherry flavored NyQuil waiting for me after the performance! Sweet!
Oh, if you've seen the reality show, "Bama Belles" on TLC, here I am on the radio show with Amie Pollard talking about ghosts an' shit! It's good scary stuff!
Even though I have no home or place to live, I've been looking for a space that I could use as a theatre for my own productions and for my acting classes. I found this one with my friend, Jerome. It's huge! It has living quarters, showers, bathroom and kitchen. The price is good, too.
The show went pretty well last night! I was so medicated I could barely stand up, but the crowd seemed to love the play! Jerome even showed up to see the infected boy perform. He really seemed to enjoy the show. He even posted a wonderful comment on my Facebook page.
I would write more now, but I'm so out of it I can't think of anything to say. Sorry. I really wish I could.
Oh, I know… Jessica and her girls have been taking care of me. They set up a room, a shower and bathroom I could use to heal in after the shows. They've fixed me healthy meals and treats like tomato bisque soup, hot tea, chili and chocolate cake cookies to expedite my recovery and Erin even offered to show me every episode of, "Avatar: The Last Airbender" and explain it all to me. Sweet, right? I know.
Jessica says I could be, "Jerrytar: The Last Germbender!"
…discussing theatre, art, food, why we need community theatre, why live theatre can be like watching Nascar or other sports…
I was doing my best to sell the uncaring public on the idea of seeing my play. I hope it works!
Was thinking of starting a Fast again... But now I want some Southern style homecooked soul food. Mmm... Homemade Lemonade, Chicken, Black-Eyed Peas, Collard Greens, Corn Bread, Sweet Potato Pie, Catfish, Hush Puppies, Cole Slaw, Iced Tea and Peach Cobbler for dessert! Dang! My stomach just growled!
I really need a drink right now. Seriously! Who is buying me a drink?
Just looked at a cool loft, studio, kitchen, shower, space that would be perfect for my acting workshop and small experimental theatre! Why is parking always a problem, though?
Dang, I'm cold! I wish you were here to bundle me up and hold me! I need warm hugs and wishes to come true!
I finally got to see the film, "Collapse" by Chris Smith who I worked with at IFC and after seeing it, I'm so ready to find a farm, grow my own food, build a bomb shelter, get some guns, stockpile gold... How can I afford all this?
Where will we be able to read the secret documents about the torture and murder of WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange?
Was just informed from some friends; that because I'm homeless, how can they send me Xmas cards, letters, gifts, money...? Right! Okay, message me, or email me and I will send you a mailing address where I can receive the goodies! Thanks for thinking of me!
Did some more radio interviews today about the play I'm in, hope it came off good! I hope the interviewer, who was awesome by the way, gives me an mp3 so I can post it here. I think it might be pretty funny, too.
Stopped up head, runny nose, watery eyes, raspy voice, sore throat... I just got a shot of Jack Daniels from two young Georgia girls for medicinal purposes. I think they are nursing me back to health. I think they are anyway. They may have other more evil plans! Ever see "2000 Maniacs" then you know what might happen!
How am I ever gonna perform onstage tonight? This is gonna suck!
My throat started hurting earlier in the week. I just assumed it was me getting carried away with the vocal aspects of my character in the play. He's gruff and angry and bitter, so I vocalized that along with his accent. I yell and scream, too. I thought that might have done it.But I know something is going around! It's some kinda throat hurting plague! People get it and then try and kiss me. Yuck!They say you can't get rid of it until you pass it on. I most certainly don't want anyone to get it, so I won't kiss, but how long will I have it if I don't?This thought reminded me of a conversation I had with an old pornographer friend who at one time was a highly respected fashion photographer before becoming a highly respected pornographer, he told me about an idea he wanted to make into a film. He said it would be the greatest porno ever! It was about a virus that got loose from a research facility that caused people to get really horny and if they didn't have an orgasm in a certain amount of time their heads would literally explode like in the film, "Scanners." So society begins to break down because people have to have sex to survive, but whoever they have sex with becomes infected too. It's like a plague of horny zombies. I had to admit it sounded like a brilliant film.
I'm trying to get all my Xmas cards out and in the mail. The cards will be the only gifts I'll be able to afford to give. Even postage for all the cards added up. I was so shocked at the price of cards! I saw boxes of cards going for $30! I went the cheap, yet still fun route by going to Big Lots and still it was about $10 for the cards. Dang! I know a few people that are just sending email cards. I got one today of a bunch of topless girls with Santa caps on the beach.
The play I'm in required a crucifix for an exorcism, but the props department didn't have one, so I stopped off at this Christian gift store and spent $20 for a wooden cross only to be told by the director, "What's wrong with you? That's a cross! Not a crucifix!"
I guess I wasn't thinking.
This morning I took the cross back to the store to see if I could get my money back and the clerk ask, "Was there something wrong with it?"
"I believe it's defective. It didn't do anything."
I was recently reminded thanks to a friend, about how I used to be in Dallas. How life was so good to me there. How when a beautiful and young girl was allowed by her mother to come visit me in the 5th largest market in America, I was able to, due to my celebrity, show her how I could get into crowded clubs and restaurants. Doormen, Hostesses, Police Officers, Servers, Cocktail Waitresses, Strippers and Bouncers seemed to love me. Opening the doors. Offering the best seats. Giving me the scoop.
Those were the days!
I would do my morning radio show, get off at 10am, eat an early lunch with some band or comedian I just interviewed, run home to sleep a bit, go to a meeting to discuss a music video I might shoot or a tv commercial I might direct for an ad agency, grab a free dinner at a new restaurant courtesy of a food critic friend, dj at a teen club until maybe 10pm, run home to shower, maybe nap, or watch a film, and then head to a club and dj, or do a live broadcast from a club until 4am and then drive to the radio station smelling like cigarettes and fog juice… and start it all over again.
I used to have a jewelry box that was my mother's before she died. It was a Japanese design, a music box, ballerina, red velvet lined inside, but it was broken. Music box innards removed, ballerina gone, hopefully she was with the Steadfast Tin Soldier, as I used to like to think and of course mom's jewelry was also lost. I used the box to hold all the cash I made. I'd get paid in 20's. When all the 20's added up to something big, I'd change them to 100's, soon the box would be filled with stacks of 100's just like you'd see in a drug heist movie. Open the box and all you'd see was an empty red velvet lined box, but lift the latches and a treasure would be revealed.
One time a girl was over for one of the numerous bi-weekly parties I would have on Fridays and Saturdays, where people could bring food and booze, which they'd leave behind and then I would happily eat the left overs the rest of the week, this girl opened my box to see what kinda jewels I had… I had forgotten to snap the latch tabs that kept the secret hidden! So just like forgetting to log off on your laptop and your wife finds your porn, this girl discovers my cache of cash and believed I was some sort of drug dealing pornographer!
You'd think that would be a bad thing, but it drove her crazy and she did everything she could to make me hers. She would camp out on my steps. Take nude photos of herself and slide them under my door. Even offer to have sex with other girls in my presence if it would please me. The stakes went higher and higher everytime I turned her down, ignored her, refused her…
Wild!
It got so odd when she told people about me, or what she thought I was up to, and it grew and grew, so much so, that the Dallas Observer free weekly posted an item about "Which Dallas resident's private home movies would you want to see most?" and I was listed number one.
Then the IRS got me.
Strange!
Well, those days have left me far behind. Now I'm nothing. I drive a battered and broken car that I sleep in from time to time when a couch or spare room isn't offered. I ache and am ill from either the heat or the cold as it is now. I have no health insurance. No home. No bouncers that know me. No hope.
I have survived only because of the kindness of strangers and a few friends.
Yesterday I awoke after a flood of bad dreams to a Monday, but I was actually happy it was Monday and that I was alive, because the dreams involved my torture and my slow and painful death. In a state of happiness I made my way out into the world to find that I was a target for abuse. I was attacked by a dog. I was nearly sideswiped by a Xmas shopping soccer mom in a black Escalade with one of those Christian Fish symbols on the back, who crossed into my lane and then gave me the finger! Some psycho-cunt-from-hell Facebook "Friend" attacked me! Then while looking for some deals at Big Lots for Xmas gifts, I opened the door and someone had put their chewing gum on the handle. I don't know why I was even shopping. If you're expecting a gift from me…
Well, I'll try. I just keep trying. I am a giver. That's what I do. I give and give until I have nothing left to give.
I know it all sounds bad. And it is, but when I was at Barnes & Noble to use their wifi, their bathroom, and to read their magazines for free, a sweet little old lady came up to me and said, "Are you the young man that was in that play I saw Saturday night?"
She had me at, "Young" so I didn't hear anything she said after that, but she was smiling, so I nodded a lot, returned her smile and gave her a hug.
I'm a cheap gift! I'm fun! I talk! I'm warmer than a Snuggie®! Get me now while I'm half off! My pants are already down 50%!
I nearly died getting this picture! The bin was empty and I was trying to get my friend, Erin to climb in, but she was not having it, so to prove to her what an awesome idea it was I climbed in first and then an old lady came by and said, "Oh, that's so funny! Get in there with him and I'll take your picture!"
Well, after 15 minutes of me begging her and getting "No way," this sweet woman, in 3 seconds gets her to climb in like it was the perfect thing to do. I'll never understand women!
We get our picture. I've cropped her out because she's so beautiful you wouldn't even notice I was in the photo if I hadn't. Also, she's underage and her parents are very litigious.
Anyway, Erin steps out and I hadn't even realized the bin was on wheels! Unlocked wheels! So before I could get out the bin, with me in it, it starts rolling off the sidewalk and down the parking lot toward the traffic. I'm clawing at air! I'm trying to stand up to hop out! Every move I make forward only moves it backwards faster! It's like stepping out of a canoe on the edge of Niagara Falls.
Above my screams I hear the cackles of laughter coming from Erin who is doubled over in front of Michael's where we had been shopping just moments before my near death experience.
