What is it with girls that when they find out I'm about to be married (in 2
days!) come out of the woodworks to try and tempt me? Too little, too late!
Girls can make you wait and wait and wait, then when you are just about to give
up they go, "Where you going? I'm right here!"
This is Ren! Really, that's her name! I wondered if she was named after "Ren & Stimpy" but no, her great grand-pappy was named, Render. I wonder if his daddy named him after rendering some computer graphics? Ren, isn't that wild?
Anyway, I was just minding my own sweet business in my office at Arby's, illegally downloading music through their free WiFi for the wedding this Friday, and up walks 5 year old Ren who puts her lil' hand on my knee and says, "Hi, what are you doing?" "Listening to music." "I like to ride horses and I'm going to eat chicken!" "Really?" "Mmm hmm!" "That's better than eating horses and riding chickens." She laughs so hard and says, "What's your name?" "Jerry." "I like you!" She blinks her eyes and leans on my thigh with both small hands. Her very young grandmother walks over and says, "I see you made a friend." She made my day by sitting next to me while she ate and even offered me some of her food, so she already knows they way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Someone once told me, when she saw how many lil' babies and lil' kids find their way to me, "Those are angels speaking through the little ones trying to get you to make a baby!" She knew how to kill a good mood. That was then and this is now and now I would like to have a child of my own that will look up at me and say, "I love you so much daddy!" But somehow my luck being what it is, all these beautiful babies that play with me and all my gorgeous nieces are just baby-teasers and my baby would be born a hideous monster that would pry apart the bars on its crib and slither across the floor one night and strangle me with one of its numerous tentacles. I just know it! The spirit of Hitler, or Lizzie Borden is hovering over me waiting for my sperm to collide with the right egg so they can dive in for some fun. Yet, what teen girl is going to want to have my baby after I'm married this Friday? http://www.care2.com/causes/womens-rights/blog/war-on-women-north-carolina-ma...
This young woman was standing in from of me, facing me and talking, but I thought she was talking on her cellphone so I wasn't listening to her. She reached out and touched my shoulder to finally get my attention. She said, "Can you help me? I have the strap of my handbag caught on my loop earring!" Today I am someone's hero!
I know someone that that gets her hair caught in the purse strap a lot. I rarely get my hair caught in anything other than the zipper on my pants. After my colonoscopy Jessica asked, "What did you learn?" And I said, "I learned that I'm not Gay!" Seriously, I have to hand it to gay guys... Please let them marry each other, serve in the military, and act on TV shows, because anyone that can enjoy having another man's fist up in his anus for an hour deserves the highest respect! I've also noticed my posture is different today! I'm walking tall. This looks just like my colonoscopy video! Except, unfortunately, for the Raquel Welch part. And the armies which were in heaven... Immediately after the tribulation of Rapture shall the sun be darkened, and the moon shall not give her light, and the stars shall fall from heaven, and the powers of the heavens shall be shaken... Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye. Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you... Damn! You Christians got Rickrolled! Now they are backpedaling about the rapture. Woman Slits Daughters Throat And Her Own For Fear Of Coming Tribulation Well, Christians should just forgive her! I bet we're gonna hear more stories of murder and suicide come out in the next few days! Orson Welles was put through the ringer for his hoax "War of the Worlds" radio, why can't there be a public lynching of these religious radio killers? I told a friend, "What if this is Heaven? What if this is all a dream? What if the Angels look just like regular people?"
I am so alone!
Wacky Christians! When will they learn? http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/belief/2011/may/19/rapture-end-of-the...
I had 5 polyps removed and some other things I can't pronounce. No cancer is believed to be found, yet. I was given heavy drugs, but they had no effect on me. I was awake the whole time watching the journey on the monitor, asking questions, and watching the reaction of the nurses and doctor who couldn't believe I felt no pain or wasn't unconscious. So make no mistake; I AM A MAN!
I asked repeatedly for a copy of the video, but they said it was only LIVE and not recorded. It was the most awesome thing I've ever seen! My colon is, I swear to God, a beautiful work of art! My friend, Jerome talking to me about my colonoscopy, said, "Keep me updated. Hope all they find is your asshole." To which I replied, "I'm sure they will, cause it's glowing red like ET's finger." Going in the Hospital for a Colonoscopy this morning, the Billing Dept. started calling at 7am to see if I could pay the full amount in advance before the procedure! It's like a call from a collection agency for a future debt. She had that much personality, too. I hate our healthcare system/insurance companies! Every time I turn around it feels like I'm getting fucked in the ass... Hmm, that's what this will feel like, isn't it? I think more people should be aware of this news, even if it's 4 years old and has had such little media interest. I can't think of a single friend that hasn't either had a loved one touched by cancer or had cancer themselves. I also know more people that believe money is being made off this disease and a cure is being hidden, than those that don't. http://hubpages.com/hub/Scientists_cure_cancer__but_no_one_takes_notice Now I know what this dream from the other day was all about! I was being given a CT Scan and the Doctor said, "The Rapture is within you!" That was a long night of horrible and disturbing dreams. However, the next day while out shopping I discovered a pint load of my blood had emptied out of my ass into my pants. That was very scary! I'm so glad I had a backpack full of other clothes. Now The Rapture is tomorrow! But I imagine Rapture and Rupture meant something in dream language. Funny how the mind works. You now have NINE DAYS (9 Days) to get me something awesome for my B'day! It doesn't have to cost anything at all, it can be cheap, or it can be priceless. You know you want to give it to me! When Jessica told me her IQ, I was strangely aroused, but as the days passed, I found myself obsessed with her genius and I began to feel inadequate. I may not be smart, but I know what love is! Her kids are also way brainy! They are like those blond aliens in "Village of the Damned" and when they try to peer into my puny human brain I think of a brick wall and behind that wall is this clock. http://reflectionof.me/iq-alarm-clock This is weird; For the 3rd time in two months I have received an email warning me that people are plagiarizing my writing. That is very nice of them to let me know, however not one of them gave me a link to the culprits. Has this happened to you? My body has become a crazy straw! Liquid goes in, spirals around, then shoots right out! Biology is so icky sometimes! Couple of friends were excited about this before they just saw it tonight. One said the other day, "Jerry, don't you want to see Penelope Cruz?" To which I said, "I would much rather watch Little Lupe in a hot theater with sticky floors than go see that film!" They both had to ask me who Little Lupe was. They think they're cinephiles. Pfft! http://www.slantmagazine.com/house/2011/05/a-fountain-of-maggots-rob-marshall...
Jessica is so dear to me! She's the one on the left. Man, I would love to mount this wild animal! But... Gotta wait until we're married. Cause she's gonna decide what gets nailed to the wall.
What it is about me that young girls love? I get more attention from those in their teens than I did when I was their age! Maybe it's my non-threatening demeanor, my understanding, my ability to listen to their high pitched and sometimes annoying voices, my cool personality, my vast intellect, my manliness, my hypnotic voice, my father-like concern for their well being... This is my friend, Kendall all dressed up and excited to be graduating High School tonight. http://tinyurl.com/68ej689 It's been like this for maybe 10 years with the young girls wanting to hang out with me and wanting to talk and stuff. Since I've announced my engagement, women in their 30s, 40s and 50s have also approached me without any prospect of complicated entanglements. I posted some stuff about how Jessica has two grown kids of her own and how I love their relation so much, that I might like to have kids of my own, so I've been offered seven times recently by college age girls to father their first baby. I wanted to be honest so I told Jessica this good news, but she, for some reason didn't think it would be a good idea for me since they weren't interested in artificial insemination. This is so cool!!! I love the way the arc looks as it dances, the only way this could be more exciting is if those lightning bolts were emanating from the tips of Gaga's breasts and electrocuting her dancers! If you eventually see her do this onstage, know that that was my idea! On May 19, 1962, Marilyn Monroe performed her sultry rendition of "Happy Birthday" for President Kennedy during a fund-raiser at Madison Square Garden. Since JFK's B'day and mine are on the same day, May 29th, what will you sing for me? Nothing wrong with a drunk woman singing, sleeping with the Prez, then banging his little brother, then learning secrets that may disrupt national security, only to be forced to swallow pills and overdose on Nembutal and chloral hydrate in a scheme to discredit the Kennedy Brothers ... Wait... I can so easily get off on a tangent here. Yes, please sing to me on my B'day! Even if you have to get drunk to do so. I'm kinda worried and scared right now, as tomorrow I have to go into the hospital. I'll tell you more later, just wish me luck! I think I will need it!
I was being give a CT Scan and the Doctor said, "The Rapture is within you!"
It was a long night of horrible and disturbing dreams. Today I think maybe the
OMG! My Wedding is just 10 Days away!!! What am I gonna do? I'm a lil' scared! What if I'm not right for her? What if she grows tired of me? What if later she decides she wants someone else? What if I look stupid in my suit? What if she stops loving me? I think I need a couple of margaritas and maybe a mandarin cosmopolitan, or two... And some drugs! I'm a wreck!
Yesterday was a long ass day. I'm gonna drug up today and think of how I want to spend the rest of my life. I imagine I'd like to try and live it where if I was somewhere and it became boring, I'd be able to get up and leave. If there was a disaster approaching, I could leave the scene. If someone was upsetting me, I could get up and walk away. All that freedom to leave and warm brownies, too. I have a friend that loves those "Pirates of the Caribbean" movies so much her and her husband used to dress up like pirates and watch these porno films. They even conceived a child from this experience and named her after a pirate. They also had parrots. He even bought the family a pontoon boat and named it "Wicked Wench" but at one halloween party night it sank in a lake. This is a really great documentary about a son that very much loves his mother, but he's a skeptic about her work as a leading UFO and alien abduction authority. She sets out to prove to him that aliens are here and have always been here. This is really good stuff about relationships. I think you will enjoy it. I used to think about how "Jerry" is a terrible name for a vampire! http://trailers.apple.com/trailers/dreamworks/frightnight/
Have to go move my car off the side of the road because the neighbors are having big work trucks moving in, I thought while I was in the car I'd go to Sonic and get myself a treat so I could take my medication on a less than empty stomach. I was wondering if you ever tell your partner you are going to do one thing, but actually use the excuse to go get a snack somewhere?
I'm learning all sorts of cool new info that's just getting released. Also, I'm learning new things about the medication I'm now taking. Took a new sleeping pill last night. The thing is... It just started working. I can't keep my eyes open. Just discovered a cool and possibly dangerous (to others) side effect my new sleeping pills has on 33% of cases studied; "...a potentially harmful medical condition in which the erect penis does not return to its flaccid state (despite the absence of both physical and psychological stimulation) within about four hours." Guess I won't be accidentally rolling out of bed during my sleep! Looks like the effect of the jokes made at his expense at the annual White House Correspondents' Dinner and "The Apprentice" getting interrupted by Osama Bin Laden's alleged killing has made his poll numbers plummet leaving Donald Trump to "(You're)...Fire(d!)" himself from being a 2012 presidential candidate... How has this news made you feel? Dang! This story makes it way more disturbing than ever before. It's like those Nazis were into everything! http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1386999/Stalin-Joseph-Mengele-Nazi-je...http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/crime/8514000/Scotland-Yard-fights-to-...
After listening to my Wedding Music Mixtape, songs that were like soundtracks to
our lives, songs with special meanings, songs that speak to us as examples of
who we are, songs that are like slices of our psyche and define us... I found it
slow, dull, monotonous, droning, depressing... Except for the happy, fun,
upbeat, positive and danceable songs Jessica picked. What does this say about
me?
The Wedding is getting closer. People who said they were coming are backing out.
Still, the ones who are coming are gonna make it a fun time. I told Jessica, I
would even try my best to be there. I texted that to her. We don't really talk
on the phone that much because she's either working or hanging out with the
girls until it's bedtime and too late to talk.
Just finished my voice-overs on two awesomely sexy book trailers! Can't wait for
you to hear them, I sound so hot! I actually got excited listening to myself! I
was using the voice I use when I pleasure myself, so that's probably what did
it.
Thought a lot about my mother last night, things I wish I could tell her. I miss
her so much! Her birthday is coming up on the 14th. I always get sad on that
date. I'm still angry she died. I think I have a lot of anger about her cancer
and for leaving me. I find I can ignore someone when I'm being neglected and
quickly become adjusted to their absence because I was so close to her and then
she's gone and somehow nothing compares to that loss, so anything else would be
easy. It was really tough for me.
...it causes the worst back and neck pain, however my cheekbones look great! The
things I do to be as attractive as I can be! I wish women understood the lengths
I go to please them.
I always thought if I had talented friends some of that would rub off, but sadly no. However, I get to watch them create and that gives me a great warm feeling inside just because I can say I know them and can call them a friend. Do you have a talented friend or family member that inspires you? Who is it and what do they do?
My friend, Jerome is performing tonight! If you happen to be down that way you should go see him! I hope it's a huge success because I designed the poster! Jerome has the easy job of just singing. Wish him luck for me! I can't imagine how my mother would have enjoyed watching him perform again! I wish she were still alive to see how he entertains so many people like he's going to do tonight for a Night Before Mother's Day Show in Florala, Alabama. It would be such a gift to give to see that show today! http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=201869119853120 I think music would be an awesome talent to have! I would love to be able to make the music I hear in my head and heart! I wish I could write, too! I try. I write everyday. Someday I will get it right! I have so many books inside me and on my harddrive. They just gotta come out! Jessica is at an art fair selling these cute little hair barrettes and paintings she made. Girls are going crazy for them! I hope you can click through these pics, because I want you to see how talented she is! Wish her luck on making some big money today! http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150179317242327&set=a.34939112326.57...
It didn't used to be this way. I used to love saying the Pledge of Allegiance in
class when I was a kid. I loved reading about the discovery of the New World by
Columbus. I loved reading about Lincoln. I used to love stories about the
creation of the Declaration of Independence. I loved stories of the Freemasons,
too! But so much has happened in history that makes me sad. An old girlfriend
once broke up with me by telling me that a relationship is like a tablecloth and
sometimes things get said that no matter how much you want to take back the
hurtful things screamed in anger, it's like a coffee stain on the cloth that
won't come out and will always be there to remind you. When I now see the flag I
think how racist we are and may always be even though we deny, deny, deny and
lie.
Happy Cinco de Mayo!!! Now buy me a drink! I was trying to buy one but I got little to no money, so I bought a lime, a handful of salt and Scope Mouthwash and had my cheap substitute! Yuck!
I was groggy this morning from the drugs I took last night and as I was slipping my underwear on I felt something amiss. "Oh great! The elastic is gone in my manties!" I hopped around on one foot until I made it to the edge of the bed where I pried one eye open enough to see that I had been trying to step into a t-shirt instead of underwear. Please spank me now! Lot's of things happened on this date! On this date in 1945, a Japanese balloon bomb exploded on Gearhart Mountain in Oregon, killing the pregnant wife of a minister and five children. Do you remember where you were when this event took place? May 5, 2000 saw a planetary alignment, with Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn positioned in a line with the Sun. Though some predicted this event would herald the end of the world, many believe that it did in fact destroy the Earth and that we all are living in a mass hallucination of denial and are all ghosts walking in a dream on a dead planet. How will you celebrate this day? Thursday is always pressure for me to think of something to do on the weekend. I have no idea what to do other take a road-trip to a comic book store for Free Comic Book Day. Maybe I should think about it over as I cry into my Cinco de Mayo margarita. I felt this song years ago, even before it was written. I cried when I first heard it, because I knew this happened with me. Has it happened to you, too? Just for a few moments watch this performance! Amazing! Isn't she incredible?
...stopped in her tracks and turned around and said, "Okay, you have me. What are you gonna do with me?"
I don't know whether Jessica is Little Red Riding Hood, of some kinda She-Wolf in girl clothing? Can I be the wolf that chases her and then she has to tame me and make me sweet and loving? Am I a bad boy/man? I can't control myself around her. She brings the devil out in me! I dreamed last night that she was undressing me and after she had dropped all of my clothes to the floor, she began unstitching the laces that held the different layers of my skin together. It seems there was a costume of me around me and she removed all to reveal a beast. A big furry beast! She walked me to the mirror and I saw myself as Jean Cocteau and Jean Marais's beast with tears in my eyes and my nose quivering. I wonder if I am a beast? Dang car troubles! My car has been such a good car, but now it's acting like it's jealous of me getting married and throwing a hissy fit! Why is it doing this to me? Can't I love both the car and Jessica? I've loved her since I first heard her on the phone when she was calling me at the radio station I used to work when she was 16 years old! But I've only had the car since 1996, so who do you think wins? I got my car back from the garage with a new water pump and new brakes and I asked the guy if there was a warranty and he said, "It's called a 'Shadow Warranty,' the minute you drive out of the shadow of this building, it's all your responsibility." Who can you trust? Wow! 60 million people think it's very likely the government got involved on 9/11 and many of them feel Bin Laden's death a fake!
And my favorite trick is, "Excuse me, are these your panties?"
Knowing my B'day is coming up at the end of this month, I got a lot on my hands and lots of things kicking around in my head like; How old is too old to shop and buy and wear stuff from Hot Topic?
At least I fee safer in this world… Well, not really, but...
"Mission Finally Accomplished!" Thank you, Obama!
Now get busy finding who is responsible for allowing 9-11 to happen! Oh and get busy turning this economy around, too! I have a new family and an active alternative lifestyle I need to support!
I guess you can bring the troops home, too right? But first break up OPEC and get our own oil and alternative energy going! Also, lower the price of movie tickets and cable bills and let there be free WiFi everywhere. Then, make hospitals stop bilking insurance companies and stop insurance companies from their shenanigans and then... Well, President Obama, can you come to my wedding on May 27th? Or give me a B'day gift on May 29th?
I still think George was right!
Watched, "Doctor Who!" These first two episodes of the new season were fantastic! Amy Pond makes me glad to be dating and marrying a ginger! Okay... "Possible Spoilers" Here's what I've been thinking; I think Amy Pond is River's mother! See, River - Pond? Two bodies of water and the Doctor dies in a Lake! There, I said it! By the way, next week is a pirate story! Arrrg, Oh no! Why did they do it? Don't they know, I hate Pirates!
One thing I know for sure about the show, they love to make you think one thing and then switch it, so I dunno...
I do love to be surprised!
